R’Tor

Each individual has their own writing style and I must admit this is quite unique. I noticed that quote marks were not used to identify dialogue. I would be interested to see what authors you are looking to emulate. While the quotes help the reader identify the dialogue, I knew there are some writing styles that use less punctuation. This reads a bit like a script for a play. l If you do want to write this like a script that is great, but it is best to use play script format, just a suggestion because some readers could get lost. But I applaud your use of this style and look forward to reading more stories. John: Conversation..... (Action or activitly - like how it is being written) Computer: There is no information on that subject...... Speaker 3: Dialogue and conversation.

This is a well written story. Reading this story makes me want to kick back and drink a glass of wine. The use of analogy and syntax helps to move the story along while painting a very clear picture. For example: When talking about the look of one of the children, instead of saying their age and description, you provided a clear wording that made me feel like I was looking through your character's eyes. At one of those grow trays, a young Reman dug up a root vegetable for the first time. By Trill standards, his small stature made him look to be about thirteen years old. In the other part of the story, I really enjoyed the description of how Nune is always around Dolan. .“Dvorak is far larger than the Nestus ever was,” Dolan griped, “and yet every time I turn around, Nune is there, hovering over my shoulder. I can’t get any peace.” Thank you - this story unfolded nicely.

If the rest of the story warms up as you do with the coals, I have no doubt you will do quite well. I got a good sense of activity in drama. This scene really came to life for me. You describing a simple act very well and gave it a life all its own. Harris sat on the couch across from Reid, swirling his apple cider glass as she sipped on her requisite black tea. They regarded each other in silence before he leaned forward, “Helluva thing, the Pentax.” He looked into her eyes for a moment before asking, “How are you doing?”

Yes, I am going to comment on my own story. This was written in such a way as to be short and summarize the activities. Believe this can be cleaned up a bit more and could have been written with more descriptive language. This is not a bad start. If a reader can grasp what is taking place, then it can be considered a pass. I am sometimes limited on time and do not add the details that I need. For example, this is the first time a Gorn is showing up as a Star Fleet officer. It is my hope to develop this character overtime, but I think I need to flush him out a bit more and show more of his personality. All in all - Not a bad story, with some interesting aspects and a some surprises. Nice Work.

Thank you for this intro, I quite enjoyed the commentary back and forth of the characters. Please understand that we are being requested to provide feedback. The only thing I noticed that would be something to keep an eye on is the modern vernacular that is used in the 21st century. The 25th century human is suppose to be more advanced and that includes the language they use as well. Once again, I did not find anything offensive about the language. For example https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5603f30f-4b55-498e-9f88-7e0315f980ca - There is vernacular that Trek shows and movies have used always depends on the writer. For example in TOS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKNSRwp6RVs In this clip we get to hear a number of insults and how some writers have used dramatic and flowery language to move the story along. Good work Continue onward and upward.