“Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like the cosmos has conspired against you in various and sundry ways? Always seemingly for the explicit purpose of driving you insane? Where every incident and encounter feels like an instance of the universe mirroring your own worst instincts right back towards you? Well that was this day for Mee IH. It started around 0200h during one of his near daily workout sessions with his new bestie, Counselor Moop-sey. Little did the cetacean know, by the end of the day he’d be…”

The Narrator

“So there I was, crying my milking eyes out, sitting there next to my Nana’s former bodyguard.” Mee remarked in conclusion. He was busy recounting the gong show that his vacation had turned out to be.

“The 5000 kilogram Orcinus Orca you mentioned, Tim. Right?”

“No. Right species, wrong dude, I’m talking about Luke, he’s huge, like 6500 kilograms, easy.” Mee IH grunted out the last few reps on the lateral press machine. It was ‘Pec Day’ for him, and his shoulders, small such as they were, already throbbed and ached from the previous evening’s workout.

“Anyway, there I was. Bawling my eyes out, you know, and it was the first time in a really, really long time that I literally had no idea what I was doing, or going to do. I felt helpless, bruh, it was bad.” Mee IH finished on the device and activated his cradle and hovered over to the next workout machine.

“So wutya end up doin?” Moop-sey inquired innocently.

“I sat there and cried my eyes out for another couple of minutes. Obviously, my grandma was swimming off to die bruh. Yeesh.”

The Moop-sey pressed on, with both his VR obstacle course and his line of questioning, “I meant after the next few minutes.”

“Well that’s where the stroke of genius hit me man, I decided to rope my Mom into being the Regent for me to lessen the blow to pod and offered the big guy a job as HER bodyguard.” Mee IH took a few deep breaths as he floated over to the rowing machine and wedged his tail into the base so he could do some abduction training for his under-pec’s.

“Why did you decide to do that and not something else?”

“Iunno… my Nana had said to always do what’s best for the pod, and that seemed like it would be best at the moment, I guess.”

“Fascinating. And no male has ever led a cetacean pod before?” Moop-sey stumbled over a holographic block that had been placed in front of him on the long treadmill-like device and was almost hurled from the machine.

“Nope. Well, I mean there’s historic cases of an elder male leading hunting packs or small transient groups, but I’m the first to ever be ‘named’ leader of a big established pod. Lucky me, famous again.” The Beluga sounded as if he felt anything but lucky.

“Again?”

“Yeah, that’s a couple of very long stories we probably should save for another night.” Mee IH crushed out several reps on his weak side at the rowing machine.

“How do you feel about the responsibility of leading your people? 12000 you said? Thats a pretty big weight on you buddy. Even with your broad shoulders.”

“Hey! Fuckwad, what did I tell you about trying to psychoanalyze me while we’re crushing weights?” Mee IH squeaked in mock anger.

The Beluga grunted out a few more awkward side strokes on the rowing apparatus before letting the duranium weight plates fall back to their resting position with an almost soothing clank.

“But then again, flattery will get you everywhere my friend. Or so they say.”

“I have noticed a propensity for desultory pleasantries among many of our crewma… uht! Whaaa! Ooof.” Moop-sey yelped before the XO heard a thump followed by a loud thud.

“You just tripped, fell and got thrown into the wall again didn’t you?” Mee IH deadpaned as he continued to wipe the sweat off his eyebrow with a large purple towel, without even looking over at his pudgy little friend. The occurrence had become so frequent and had such an obvious and familiar sound that the cetacean XO wasn’t worried in the slightest.

After hearing a grunt and a wince behind him Mee IH smirked.

“Yeah bud. Uch, humpf! I’m good” Moop-sey replied as he steadfastly got to his feet, remounted the device and trundled over the safety console. He smacked the little pad with his stubby little paw and resumed the obstacle course he’d been running. Leaping, jogging, ducking, parrying and spinning as he went down the holo-track.

The counselor was running a program that was notionally designed for 10-14 year old children to help increase mobility and agility. He had barely scraped through the Academy, passing the physical and PT standard tests, but only just. The pair of white furred pals had been helping each other get in shape for a few months now, and the Zeebalan Moopsy genuinely appreciated it.

Doc Bucket then hovered into the nearly empty athletics gym and almost squealed in glee when she saw the two of them.

“Oh coool, you’re both here. Sweet. Alright listen up, I just got word from Oxford that my Masters Thesis has been accepted. I’m now an MD, Phd, EngD, MMH!” The excitable robot proudly announced her new post-nomial.

Mee IH and Moop-sey turned and stared at her blankly for a few seconds.

“The University, you know, for my Masters Degree, on the History of Music…” Doc Bucket exclaimed.

Mee IH and Moop-sey looked at each other and then back towards the Doc with the same blank look on their faces.

“Well golly, thanks, some friends you two are. I was going to ask you to be subjects for my next doctoral dissertation but maybe I’ll just ask Tesa and Dish instead. Hurrrumf” the exocomp whirled around and zoomed back out the door indignantly.

Mee IH and Moop-sey just shrugged at each other and resumed doing their workout.

“So what about you, when was the last time you went home to Zeeballa?” The XO asked.

The bone drinking counselor replied matter of factly, “It’s been a few years. I was able to secure a few weeks of leave while I was stationed on Starbase 375 a few years back. My Mom and sister got in a huge fight, Aunt Moopsi tried to eat Uncle Moopsay, there was a forest fire, it was a whole big to do…”