“Mostly under control,” he said eventually. “I haven’t been aboard the station long, and a change of environment or routine makes them worse, but they have, for the most part, levelled out again.”

He didn’t mention the fact that he’d developed at least three new standard operating procedures this week and only one of them was for work. Folding his uniform pants to put them away in his closet for example…

“Exercise helps,” he offered. Luna nodded and returned the glass to its coaster after taking a drink.

“I… I’m glad it’s levelled out, um…” Luna struggled a little on what to say next, but a little ray of a thought punctuated through. She was new there too and actually in this case just a little speaking about herself might help build trust.

“I’ve found that too… I… transferred here a few weeks ago and um, it’s a lot after a Starship, so many new people which um, as you can guess I d… don’t always do well with?” She offered him another slightly hesitant smile. “But I found my exercises helped a lot, um, C.B.T., mindfulness of my thoughts, do you have any techniques you use or were asked to try for difficult situations? E.R.P. maybe?”

Cognitive behavioural therapy and exposure and response prevention were fairly standard practices for trying to treat obsessive and compulsive behaviour. Luna hoped there might be some particular go-to favourites Elias had that he found useful or comforting.

“I have tried both, over the years,” he confirmed, making sure to keep his body language relaxed. “Neither seemed to help.”

Truth be told, he wasn’t sure whether that was down to the therapists involved trying to make him relive events he’d rather forget, than him. He leaned forward, taking a sip of water to break his focus on those thoughts.

“Mindfulness seems to be the most effective. I find peace in situations where I can focus. Exercise, the range, even my job.”

Luna listened, mind going to various different places of where the session could go next. It was tempting to look at the mechanics of the situation and focus on Elias’ obsessions and compulsive behaviors, but Elias had said about C.B.T. and E.R.P. that neither seemed to help. Given the root cause of the problems to begin with Luna couldn’t help but wonder if Elias really wanted to be cured, or if experiencing these symptoms were some kind of punishment. Finding how to broach these subjects was her next challenge.

“I… the um, I um, read your file of course, um, your past counselors used some quite technical language, I um, I wonder, and know it’s hard with a traumatic basis but um, would you be okay to tell me in your own words what your obsession or obsessions is or are and what your compulsive behaviors are as a result? I um, not that you necessarily do but um, if…. if you do feel any shame about it j… just know I’m not p… p… perfect at all, as you can hear…” Luna smiled. “We’re working through some problems. So I um, no technical talk just… I want to try to help if I can.”

Eloquent, Luna, very eloquent, she thought.

Elias managed not to look like a rabbit in the headlights at the phrases ‘traumatic experience’ and ‘in your own words’, but then, he had had a lot of experience with this scenario. He paused for a moment, torn between sliding a practiced smile across his face and giving her a slick answer or really answering.

Most of the counsellors he’d seen over the years saw him as the problem child, the one on the list who would be a coup if they could cure him. Or at the very least, get him off the books. But this one… he eyed her intently. But he got the feeling she actually wanted to help. Even if it turned out she couldn’t, at least with him, she’d get an insight into what happened when things went bad.

“I’m a long way removed from the traumatic incident,” he said honestly, sitting forward and resting his forearms on his thighs. “Over twenty-five years is a long time. Means I can talk about it. Mostly.”

He shrugged, looking at his steepled fingers. “I made a mistake, didn’t check something. People got hurt. People died. It was my fault.” There was no emotion in his voice as he spoke, his voice and speech patterns becoming more clipped. “Since then, I need to check everything. Be in control. When I’m not…”

He shrugged again and sat back.

“I can only imagine what you’ve been through,” Luna told him. She had plenty of her own trauma, she was still working out how to open up after years of bullying and suppression. But nothing she experienced killed anyone.

“P… please correct me if I’m wrong but it sounds like because of what happened, your obsession… It’s not a nice word but it’s a technical word that I have to use here, your obsession is that the same doesn’t happen again so you’re compulsive behaviour is to check and double check everything, be meticulous, leave nothing unattended, is… that right?”

He nodded. There was no use denying it. His record was… well, on record.

“I am aware that a misfiled report is unlikely to kill anyone,” he added. “But the double-checking isn’t something I can control. Mostly it’s down to double checking now, rather than triple-checking—“ And returning to the office late at night to make sure.

“Attention to detail in the first place makes a difference. But,” he frowned. “I guess that could be considered as moving the problem elsewhere. Most people tend to groan when they see me coming.”

The admission was a little softer, then he smiled. Only slightly. A quirk of his lips that had nothing to do with amusement. “They call me worse than an auditor. I’m very popular at work parties, as you can imagine.”

Luna couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t one of her weak, timid affairs, a proper one that showed her large and rather cute front teeth.