“Last time we talked about home.  That conversation seemed to help.”  The woman, Charity Holmes, was one of the many counselors on Starbase Bravo.  She had been seeing Ensign Matthew Phillips as a patient since the start of the year with varying levels of success. He sat a little taller this time, she noticed.  It had been a year since the ensign had left the USS Erigone for the station.

“It did.  Today’s conversation…wasn’t easy to prepare for, Ms. Holmes.”  He held up his PADD, “I journaled…a lot.”

Charity gave him a slight nod of understanding.  His journey from the Erigone to Bravo had yet to be without bumps.  When his former CO, Ambrose Harris, died, it gave the young operations ensign pause.  Further news about his old crew had been a sticking point.  They spent a good portion of two sessions exploring his feelings about them and their life in the last year.  “Reflection is the most important part of this process, Matthew.  What about the future did you want to talk about?”

He tapped at his PADD, “I guess my place in it.”  He leaned forward, glancing from his PADD to her again as he spoke, “When I left the Erigone, I thought that was it for my time on ships.  Everything that could go wrong or be wrong…was.  But now…with a year away from it all…I’m starting to question my decision.”

“Do you think your future is decided?”  She asked it gently, wanting to slow the conversation.

He sat in the question, nervously tapping his PADD.  He replied, “I think I used to think my future was set…that my decision to come to Bravo put me on the path to being an operations officer here, or on some other station eventually…and that would be my future.”

Holmes sat back, making notes as she spoke, “And now?”

Phillips shook his head listlessly, “I don’t know.  Commander Ambrose used to talk about how he couldn’t help himself but fly into space…that his heart had to spend as much time as he had out there.”  He demurred with a quiet smile, “I think I said something like, ‘I could never get lost out here for too long’ or something like that.”  He sighed and looked her in the eye, “I’ve been reading about the idea of growing up and out…I’ve caught myself staring out windows into space a lot more.  I think my future is in space, Ms. Holmes.”

She let the confession hold in the air before she asked, “Is that the first time you’ve said it out loud?”  He nodded, his face blooming red with feeling.  “That’s good.”

Matthew shook his head, “I don’t know about good…but it’s something.”  He played with his rank pip, “I’m thinking of applying for a ship.” He let out another sigh, “I know, that sounds…well, crazy isn’t the word, but it’s all I got.”

Charity asked, “Why is it crazy?”

“You run away from serving on ships and tell yourself you’re never going to leave the station life…and then you start thinking that maybe serving on a starship is the way to go.  Not to mention working with people.”

“You’ve come a long way with working with people.  The last three months of reviews from your superior officer have been incredible.  You’ve hit every marker we’ve set together.  That’s another positive from all this.”

He mused, “Who woulda thought Matthew Phillips would have made it this far.”  He shrugged, “I didn’t.  I thought I would wash out and go back to farming.”

“Would you?” she asked.

“I thought about it.  My grandfather was the reason I was there.  He was the reason I left.  There’s plenty of demand and interest in having a former Starfleet Operations officer work in the industry.  We have a certain skill that works well in keeping things in order.”  He tapped at his PADD, “In the end…It’d be hard to return after I’ve been out here for the last year.  You think you’re not used to having space and the station around you…that’d be easy to go back to Earth or some colony somewhere.”  He scoffed, “You’d be wrong.  So wrong.”  He groaned, “I will have to apply for a ship, right?”

Holmes chuckled.  Phillips did this often after they’d made a certain discovery or he’d revealed something that required action.  He knew what was coming.  “That is up to you, Matthew.  I will not rush you into anything…or push you to do something wrong for you.  Part of this process is talking through what’s on your heart and mind…and getting them to agree on a direction forward.”

“It’s been a bit, Phillips.”  Lieutenant Jordan Reid was on the screen of Phillips communications console in his quarters.

“That it has, Dr. Reid.”  He wasn’t sure how to begin the conversation.  “I…I wanted to apologize for leaving when I did.”

She frowned, “For leaving the Erigone?  That was a year ago, Matt.  You had your reasons.”  Reid sipped at a dark liquid and leaned toward the camera, “Why are you calling me Phillips?  The real reason this time.”

He groaned, “I’ve been thinking about applying for a ship lately.  The only other person I served with is Prentice…and we…haven’t talked since I left.”

Jordan intoned, “And?  Neither have we.”

“We didn’t get along well on the Erigone.” He pushed forward, “My counselor told me I needed to ask people in my life about my future and where they saw me when it came to that…word.”  He gestured to her, “You’re one of the people in my life.”

She gave him a long look and scoffed, “Still not great at making friends?”

He muttered, “It’s a big station.”

“I didn’t know you for long, Matt.  You always seemed nervous about being on the Erigone…you were more worried about what would happen than what could happen.”  She downed the rest of her drink on screen, “You said you made progress in the year you’ve been on Bravo.  Why not stay?  Your future would be secure there for a long time – lots of things to do.  Pretty safe future there, I think.”

He listened to her and instinctively reacted to her use of the word ‘safe.’  “I think that’s my problem, Jordan.  I think I’ve been stuck being safe for so long…that I’m getting tired of it.”

She raised her eyebrows, “I’m not going to argue that.  The pattern fits.”  She sat up in her chair and adjusted the camera, “Look, Phillips, your future is your choice.  What you do with it and where you go with it – that’s in your hands.  People join Starfleet for all kinds of reasons, some dumb and misguided.  You’ve found something every day over there to wake up and work for – maybe that’s what your future needed – a chance to sit down and spend time thinking about what choices are ahead of you.”

He chuckled, “So I’m not dumb and misguided?”

She rolled her eyes, “No.  You just didn’t know what you wanted for your future.  We all work through it when we’re young – knowing your heart and mind takes time.  Some figure it out faster than others.  You are getting that process started.”

Phillips was thankful for Reid, “Anyone ever tell you you’d make a hell of a counselor?”

She groaned, “You and everybody else, Matt.  I’m happy stitching up actual bodies, not the metaphorical bodies and brains.”  She gave him a nod, “I wish you all the luck in the universe, Phillips.  Decide for yourself what the future holds…don’t let one person make that final call for you.”  The channel closed, and Phillips sat back in his chair.

He felt the pieces of his future falling slowly into place.

Now, he just needed to make a call.