It was strange to be waiting at the door to the captain’s quarters.

For Cortez, these were still Rourke’s rooms, even over two years later. The place he’d hosted staff dinners or where she’d occasionally had to wake him up in the middle of the night with bad news. She could probably count on two hands the number of times she’d been here as Endeavour’s Chief Engineer.

Then there were the times since. Joining Endeavour on missions, when her reasons to go to the captain’s rooms were different. Different purpose. Different captain.

She glared at the door panel a full ten seconds before hitting the chime. Stepped in at the summons.

Valance was on her feet, like she had to stand to greet a guest out of courtesy. But she was dressed down, casual in straight-legged trousers, a long-sleeved t-shirt, hair only loosely tied back. A book on the sofa armrest. She had clearly not expected company.

‘Isa.’ She had clearly not expected her.

‘Hey.’ Cortez paused as the door slid shut behind her. ‘I didn’t mean to, uh, interrupt. I know you’re probably only just back from the surface.’

Valance hesitated. ‘I am,’ she said, a little guarded, then frowned at herself. ‘Can I get you something? A drink?’

Turning her down felt pointed. Choosing a drink felt loaded. She chose to ignore the offer instead. ‘Saeihr mentioned you were talking to Toral. About whether to pull him out entirely.’

Valance’s frown turned formal again. ‘She shouldn’t have…’ She put a hand to her temple. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean you shouldn’t be told. I mean she shouldn’t have told you while it was still up in the air.’

‘I’m still a senior member of squadron leadership.’

‘Yes, but she didn’t tell you because this affects the SCE, she told you because this affects you, and I don’t want you worrying -’

‘About what, the trial for my life?’

‘I mean, I didn’t want her telling you half the information.’

‘She didn’t tell me half the information.’ Cortez straightened. ‘I heard about the Loom. I figured you’d pull Toral out for his protection. And she said you’d made it damn clear in the staff meeting that you’d pull him out mid-trial over your dead body.’

Valance went still at that, as if caught in a lie instead of pinned by the truth. After a beat, she drew a deep breath. ‘We’re not pulling him out mid-trial,’ she said carefully. ‘I spoke with him. We’re going to try to resolve the trial, and then he’ll say he’s going into spiritual seclusion, and we’ll remove him.’

‘That’s…’ Cortez stared at her. ‘Insane.’

‘There will be consequences for the Klingon Empire if the Chancellor pulls out of this trial suddenly -’

‘For all we know, the real Toral either isn’t coming back, or comes back and decides to throw a total shitfit about Starfleet or the trial anyway; we absolutely can’t say that this is the sanest choice for the Klingon Empire,’ Cortez pointed out, scoffing. ‘But in the meantime, this other Toral staying here doesn’t just put him and everyone around him at risk -’

‘I’ve weighed up the options,’ said Valance in a level voice, ‘and this is the best way forward -’

‘Not for the Empire! Not for this reality! The multiverse!’ Cortez threw her hands in the air. ‘The only person definitely benefiting from this is…’

‘You?’ Valance asked the question softly and still it was enough to cut Cortez off. She straightened, looking her in the eye. ‘I could argue that this is good for the House of A’trok. That it avoids putting us in a position to choose between your safety and our honour. And I could argue that there are risks with every option, but this one minimises unknowns. But you’re right.’ She took a step forward. ‘This is the best chance to keep you safe.’

Cortez swallowed, her mouth abruptly dry. When she looked away, her eyes just found the bat’leth hanging on the wall, a weapon she knew was for more than decoration. ‘You walked in. In that armour. In your House’s crest…’

‘Yes.’ Valance’s voice was somehow soft but firm, quiet in her certainty.

‘You’ve never wanted that,’ Cortez breathed. ‘Being bound to them. You always wanted to stand on your own two feet…’

‘I wanted,’ said Valance carefully, ‘to be me. And spent a long time not knowing who that was. Not trusting who that was.’

‘And now?’

‘Now I know what I can’t hide from.’

It wasn’t really an answer, Cortez thought absently. But it was disingenuous to pretend she couldn’t read Valance; hadn’t always been able to see the spaces between the lines. If she’d looked. If she’d dared accept the unknown.

Her throat was dry again. ‘I said something to you. Nearly two years ago, now – something I wish, every day, I could take back -’

‘Isa…’

‘No, and I’ve sat on it because… I was too hurt, or because you were…’ With someone. She forced herself to turn, to meet Valance’s gaze. ‘I should have never implied you’re broken. Because I don’t think that.’

Valance hesitated, and at last the level stare was replaced by something more apprehensive. ‘I don’t mean to sound childish. But you said it.’

‘I did, and – I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry. But I think what I meant was…’ Cortez sucked her teeth. ‘That you hide from parts of yourself. And I was afraid of what it would take to help you with that. What it would take from… me.’

When Valance dropped her gaze, she was almost sheepish. ‘I’ve not been easy to help with that.’

‘And then you walked into that courtroom,’ Cortez continued, softer now. ‘Not just… declaring to the whole damn Klingon Empire that you were going to fight for me, not as Endeavour’s captain, not as a Starfleet officer, but as you. But also – I mean, I can’t pretend I ever thought you should reconcile with your House, but it’s…’

‘A part of myself I’ve hidden from,’ Valance surmised.

Cortez swallowed. ‘Yes.’

They were silent for a moment, the hum of the ship suddenly loud through the deck, the quiet calm of Valance’s quarters settling around them. She could, Cortez thought, stay in this space forever, the words unspoken and yet with everything sprawled out before her. Clear.

Or she could act.

She took a step forward, and when she reached for Valance’s hand, Valance watched her like a hawk. Poised, tense –

Then they touched, and Valance took a sharp step back as if stung.

‘Isa, I…’

Cortez stopped and sucked her teeth. ‘I don’t… I know that wanting me not dead doesn’t have to mean -’

‘It does.’ Valance’s eyes caught hers, quick, firm, but something rumbled beneath the surface Cortez couldn’t yet name. ‘But, Isa, I can’t…’ She hesitated. Drew a level breath to find the words. ‘I can’t lose you.’

She didn’t mean death, Cortez realised with a slow exhale. Didn’t mean the trial ending in failure and condemnation and whatever sentencing came after.

Cortez gave an awkward nod. ‘You’re afraid I’ll… reach for you now, and then it’ll be like last time -’

‘I don’t know what’s changed,’ Valance stumbled. ‘I’m still captain of Endeavour, you’re still the SCE leader -’

‘That was an issue. It was never the issue,’ Cortez pointed out. ‘The problem was us not choosing each other, over and over, and hiding from that, and… yeah, you’ve just done all this, so how can I pretend you’re not choosing me now?’ She gave a vague, frustrated gesture. ‘And I know I walked, too, and I can’t…’ When she reached for Valance’s hand again, this time she didn’t pull back. Just stared at their entwined grasp like it needed analysing to comprehend.

‘I don’t have a big gesture, or anything,’ Cortez admitted. ‘Like, you get to march in and stake your honour on me and all that, and all I got is… asking you to let me stake my honour on you. That I’m not just scared of dying and freaking out and reaching for you, and I’ll wake up when this is all over and walk away again.’

Valance was silent for a moment, though there was the faintest tightening of her grip on Cortez’s hand. ‘I know it’s perhaps silly. To do all of this for you and to now… hesitate…’

‘With our track record?’ Cortez winced before she sobered. ‘You put your name on the line for me. In front of everyone. That’s not nothing – I know what that cost you, not just to do it, but to do it like that. So I’m here, and I’m telling you: I’m putting mine on the line for you. Maybe not like a Klingon, or in a courtroom, but…’

She didn’t get to finish.

Valance’s free hand came up to her jaw, tilting her face up, and then her mouth was on hers. Careful at first, like she wasn’t entirely sure she was allowed, or dared, and then not careful at all. Cortez’s hand found the front of her shirt and stayed there, and for a long moment, neither of them moved except to be closer.

When Valance pulled back, it was only far enough to look at her. Up close, her eyes were very dark and her expression had lost every careful layer she usually kept between herself and the world.

‘Like that,’ Valance said quietly. ‘Maybe like that.’

Cortez’s lips curled, something finally beginning to chip away at the fear that had frozen in her since Torkath’s ship had decloaked above her runabout weeks ago. She rested her forehead against Valance’s, exhaling slowly, like she could begin to let go, like she could begin to trust. Hope.

Then she said, ‘I don’t gotta do a blood-bond or anything real dramatic and Klingon or…’

And again, Valance cut her off with a kiss, and Cortez silently mused that she was right. Actions were better than words.