A week on from receiving the news of Captain Forrester’s death, Challenger Squadron assembled in orbit of Coltar IV as their crews prepared to pay respect to the squadron’s former commander, Thomas Forrester. The sight of those eight ships flying information spoke to the high regard in which Forrester was held.

Even after they received the news, some refused to accept Forrester’s death. They clung to whatever shred of hope they could. Those last shreds of hope burned out the next day when they received the report from the Endurance’s chief medical officer. His tests had confirmed the body belonged to Thomas Forrester. There would be no miracle escape for him.

The air aboard Challenger had been thick with grief since then. Many of the crew had transferred over from the old Galaxy-class ship when Starfleet decommissioned her and continued to serve under him on her Odyssey-class successor. Though Captain Rix had been in command for much of the last year, this was still very much Forrester’s crew, and today they would say their final goodbyes.

Gideon pulled his eyes away from the sight on the viewscreen as the LCARS panel on the command chair’s armrest screeched. He stabbed a finger on the panel to silence the alarm and tapped again to open a comm channel.

“Bridge to Rix.” Gideon paused before gravely announcing, “It’s time.”

For the past week, Gideon had been acting as the Challenger’s executive officer, allowing Bentley and Mitchell space to grieve. They’d departed for Coltar IV once the Horatio arrived at Bastion Station, to spend time with Forrester’s family.

Captain Rix emerged from the ready room, his dress uniform looking as crisp and immaculate as Gideon’s own. “Lieutenant Kali, you have the bridge.”

Relinquishing the command chair to Lieutenant Kali, Gideon followed Rix off the bridge. They walked along the short corridor that connected the bridge to the turbolift in silence. Gideon only spoke once they were ensconced in the privacy of the turbolift, and it had begun its journey through Challenger’s extensive network of turboshafts.

The soft hum of the tubolift filled the silence between them until Gideon finally asked, “Are you ready for this?”

Rix cast him a brief sideways glance but gave nothing away. “This isn’t my first time greeting planetary leaders.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Gideon replied. He rubbed a sweaty palm on his pants leg.

With his gaze firmly set on the doors in front of them, Rix replied, “I didn’t know Forrester that well. I was only his first officer for a few months.”

Gideon briefly wondered if he should press ahead. His relationship with Captain Rix was best described as professional, and veering into personal territory was a big risk. But Gideon could tell something had been bothering Rix since Forrester’s death, and he believed he knew the source.

“That’s not what I mean either, sir,” Gideon announced softly.

Rix let out a frustrated huff. “I’m not talking about this.”

“You blame yourself,” Gideon repeated. “You think that if you’d tried harder to convince Forrester not to go on that away mission, not to chase after Penn Renos, that he’d still be alive.”

The fire in Rix’s eyes burned intently, and they were fixed firmly on Gideon. It felt like the walls of the turbolift were closing in on them. The captain rounded on his first officer. “How do you know what happened? You weren’t even here.”

“No, but I reviewed the mission logs when I arrived, and I spoke to Commander Mitchell,” Gideon replied. “I know all about Darox. I know Captain Bentley came close to being executed. I know  Renos played a large part in that. I know it was personal for Forrester. No amount of argument from you or anyone else would have convinced him otherwise.”

Rix jabbed an angry finger in Gideon’s chest. “You didn’t know the man. You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

“You just admitted you didn’t know him well either,” Gideon shot back.

He watched as Rix’s nostrils flared. “Don’t try to psychoanalyse me, Commander. You’re missing a few centuries’ worth of experience to try.”

“Sir-”

Rix turned to face forward again. “Just because we’re without a senior counselor right now doesn’t mean you need to fill the void. Focus on doing your own job.”

Gideon knew from the start that this conversation was likely to fail. Admitting defeat, he looked forward and waited for the tubolift to slow to a halt. Gideon followed Rix out of the turbolift and down the corridor. The silence was more awkward this time, and reaching the transporter room proved to be a relief. 

Because Forrester had become something of a local celebrity on his native Coltar because of his command of the Challenger, Governor Wells had offered to organise a large-scale memorial service for Forrester. However, his family and his boyfriend, Captain Bentley, had agreed that it was not what he would have wanted. They opted instead for a service to be held aboard the Challenger.

The Challenger’s arboretum had been chosen as the preferred venue. In addition to Forrester’s friends and family, an invitation had been extended to Governor Wells and a few members of her staff, the senior officers from each of Challenger Squadron’s ships and as many of the Challenger’s crew as the venue could accommodate. Everyone else would be able to watch the memorial via the comm system.

The midday sun in the holographic sky above them was warm on Gideon’s skin, and he felt a bead of sweat rolling down the back of his neck. He watched Mitchell stand and make his way onto the podium in front of the crowd. Gripping the podium tightly, as though he might fall over if he let go, Mitchell took a shaky breath before beginning to speak. The light scent of lavender carried from the nearby flower bed.

“Thomas Forrester was more than my commanding officer. He was my best friend. He was my brother.” A sad, wistful smile crept onto Mitchell’s features. “The first time I met Tom, he’d just arrived on Earth. It was the first time in his life that he’d ever left Coltar. He was this wide-eyed, scrawny farm boy with big ears and even bigger dreams.”

Mitchell’s eyes swept around the crowd before landing on Captain Bentley sitting in the front row. “When he told me he wanted to command a starship, I thought he was crazy. In fact, I’m pretty sure I laughed in his face. Only a select few ever get given command of a starship, and to be honest, I didn’t think Tom would last the semester, much less graduate. I certainly didn’t think I’d met someone who would come to mean so much to me.”

“Tom worked his ass off, and it showed in his grades in stark contrast to my own.” A ripple of gentle laughter travelled through the crowd. “I saw it as my job to make sure that Tom still enjoyed himself, so I dragged him to as many parties as I could and made sure he enjoyed himself too.”

That drew more laughter from the crowd. “Tom graduated in the top twenty percent of our class, which, of course, wasn’t good enough for Mister Future Captain. Meanwhile, I was relieved just to make it to the middle of the pack.”

“No matter where our respective careers took us, Tom and I maintained regular contact. Letters, late-night conversations on subspace when our ships were close enough, spending shoreleave together,” Mitchell smiled again. “When we got together, it was like no time had passed, like we were still living in each other’s pockets the way we had at the Academy.”

Mitchell’s smile dropped. “When the ship I was on went missing at the end of the eighties, Tom refused to believe I was dead. I know his was one of the loudest voices calling for search and rescue efforts to continue long after everyone else had decided the ship had been lost with all hands.”

“When we returned from the ‘dead’, ten years had passed for everyone, but for us, no time at all had passed. When I saw Tom for the first time,” Mitchell trailed off and closed his eyes. In an uneven voice, he continued, “I don’t think I’ve ever been hugged as tightly. It was the first time I’d seen Tom cry. Those of you who knew him will know what a big deal that was.”

A small ripple of laughter rippled through Forrester’s close friends. “I came back just in time to see him take command of the Galaxy-class USS Challenger. No matter what came next, Tom saw this as the pinnacle of his career. But he was also beginning to reconsider his priorities. He’d made it to the top, but what now?”

“That’s when a chance encounter with an old friend from our Academy days made him realise there was more to life than commanding a starship,” Mitchell snorted. “That’s giving Tom too much credit. He would eventually come to see that, but it would take some time and much beating him over the head.”

“Matthias Bentely had an unrequited crush on Tom at the Academy. Why? I have no idea. People are just weird, I guess.” Gideon glanced to the side to see Bentley smiling sadly and wiping a tear from his eye. “Tom was oblivious. But when he and Tom ran into each other a few years ago, he saw our old friend in a very different light.”

Mitchell smirked. “Of course, Tom didn’t know what to do next. Thankfully, Matthias wasn’t going to give up easily. It took much arguing, many painful conversations, a near-death experience and, finally, an ultimatum from Matthias for Tom to pull his head out of his ass and thank god he did. Tom’s moping was really starting to get out of control.”

“It pains me more than I can put into words that Tom and Matty’s story ends here,” Mitchell said soberly. His grip on the podium was now so tight his knuckles were beginning to turn white. “They should’ve had many more years together with Matty training Tom how to talk about his emotions like a real boy.”

“I’ll never meet anyone else like Thomas Forrester. He was as infuriating as he was funny, insufferable as he was kind, dedicated as he was oblivious. I loved him like a brother, and I cannot imagine how I’ll live the rest of my life without him in it. But I will, because that’s what he’d want. Hell, he’d demand that I live my life the fullest, to honour his memory.”

Mitchell looked to his left, at the torpedo casing containing Forrester’s remains. “You were always really good at guilting me into doing things…asshole.”

With the service concluded, everyone stood while Captain Forrester’s casket was taken from the arboretum by a Starfleet honour guard. His family and close friends followed close behind. His burial would be an intimate affair on Coltar IV, where Forrrester would be laid to rest on his family’s farm.

Gideon watched from afar as Commodore Wyatt escorted Governor Wells out of the arboretum. He and Rix had managed to dodge a repeat of that particular duty. They remained behind chatting with the senior officers from the other ships assigned to Challenger Squadron.

“I owe him everything,” Lieutenant da Costa said. “If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably still be flying VIPs around in shuttles at Starfleet Command.”

Gideon bobbed his head as da Costa spoke. “He obviously saw potential in you, and he was right. You’re a hell of a pilot, Rafael. Captain Forrester took a chance on you. If he were here, I’m sure he’d agree that you’ve repaid his trust in you several times over.”

“I don’t want to let him down,” da Costa told Gideon earnestly.

Reaching out, Gideon placed a friendly hand on da Costa’s shoulder. “You won’t. Just make sure you learn from Forrester’s life, don’t be so focused on duty that you forget to look around you and smell the roses.”

The familiar voice of Captain Rix interrupted them as he approached. “Excuse me. May I borrow you?”

“Of course, sir.” Gideon patted da Costa’s shoulder and offered a reassuring smile. 

If only someone could reassure him in the same way before this conversation with Captain Rix. While Gideon didn’t believe he’d overstepped the mark during the conversation earlier, Rix may not have seen it that way.

“I was speaking with Captain Henris of the Ark Royal.” Alarm bells instantly began ringing in Gideon’s head. Was he about to be transferred? “I’ve requested Lieutenant Commander Rembrandt return to the Challenger temporarily.”

Gideon was unable to keep the surprise from his face. “Sir?”

“The junior counselors have been doing the best they can,” Rix explained. “But I think some members of the crew would benefit from someone with Rembrandt’s seniority and experience  to process their grief.”

The captain’s words completely blindsided Gideon, but in a welcome way. “I agree, sir.”

“I also wanted to apologise for my attitude earlier,” Rix continued. These were more than just empty words. He meant it. “You were right. The reason I got so upset is that you hit a little too close to home. I plan to be one of the first to speak with Counsellor Rembrandt.”

Gideon relaxed and felt his shoulders drop. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Captain Henris also recommended one of his officers, Lieutenant Tanner, as your new deputy and our Hazard Team leader,” Rix said. “Mister Tanner’s in line for promotion to Lieutenant Commander.”

Having met the soon-to-be Lieutenant Commander a few times, Gideon agreed that Tanner would be well-suited to the Challenger. “I agree with Captain Henris.”

“Good,” Rix shook Gideon’s hand firmly. “I’d like you to see that Rembrandt and Tanner transfer over and get settled before we leave orbit tomorrow.”

Gideon nodded. “Aye, sir.”

Standing in his quarters, Gideon watched as Coltar IV rotated far below. The Challenger, along with the rest of the squadron, was due to depart in a few hours. Forrester’s memorial service yesterday had been cathartic for the crew, a chance for them to say goodbye to their fallen leader.

The scent of the strawberry tea wafting up from his cup reminded Gideon of the morning on Pergamon when Nicco emerged shirtless from the bedroom to find Tolas and Mitchell sitting in the kitchen. The look of shock on Tolas’ face had been priceless, and Gideon was certain he could still feel the drag of Nicco’s fingernails across his t-shirt.

The sound of the chime snapped Gideon back to the present. “Come in.”

The doors opened, revealing the last person Gideon expected to see this morning: Captain Matthais Bentley. The Challenger’s executive officer, and Forrester’s boyfriend, had been due to spend the next few weeks on Coltar with Forrester’s family.

“Captain,” Gideon said in a higher-than-normal pitch. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be on Coltar?”

Bentely stepped inside. “I wanted to speak to Captain Rix before you left.”

“Everything okay?”

Gideon immediately regretted the question. Everything wasn’t alright. The man had just buried his boyfriend the day before.

Bentley took a breath. “I’m leaving the Challenger. Captain Axelrod is retiring, and Commodore Wyatt has offered me the position.”

“You’ll be missed,” Gideon told him. Bentley wasn’t just a trusted and competent leader; he’d become a friend.

A grateful smile crept across Bentley’s lips, but it quickly faded. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’ll still be with the squadron, but I can’t stay on Challenger. Tom’s ghost is everywhere.”

“Will Commander Mitchell be stepping up as first officer?” Gideon asked. 

Before their undercover assignment together, Gideon would have thought Mitchell was a poor choice for the role. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

“No. AJ doesn’t think he’s ready to take that step yet, and I tend to agree.” Bentely replied. “I’ve recommended to Captain Rix that you replace me as executive officer.”

Gideon stood rooted to the spot, trying to comprehend what Bentley had just told him. Of course, he’d dreamed about commanding a starship when he joined Starfleet. But once his career began in earnest, he found he was a good security officer and poured his focus into being the best that he could. 

But now that dream was reignited with a single sentence from Bentley. He imagined himself wearing a uniform with red shoulders, standing on the bridge at Captain Rix’s right hand. He couldn’t deny he’d enjoyed the past few weeks as acting executive officer, despite the circumstances. But was he ready for this?

Bentley and Rix think so, he told himself.

“I don’t know what to say,” Gideon said. “Thank you.”

Captain Bentley chuckled. “Just remember to say yes when Captain Rix offers you the job.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,”

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Bentley glanced at his feet. “There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?”

“Mitchell told me a little about what happened on Pergamon,” Bentley said. “About Nicco.”

Gideon’s hands tightened around his mug. “Mitchell’s got a big mouth.”

“He does,” Bentely agreed with a smile. “But he means well.”

Since the tea in his hand had gone cold, Gideon placed the cup aside and took a deep breath.

“Nicco and I were friends growing up,” Gideon began. “He was my first boyfriend. I love him. When I left Pergamon, I had to leave him behind. I’m not sure I really moved on from him. When I saw him again…we picked up right where we left off.”

“And you’ve had to leave him behind again,” Bentely said.

Gideon nodded slowly. He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah.”

“This may sound weird,” Bentley said slowly. “But I consider myself incredibly fortunate. I’ve known two great loves in my life. My late husband, who was killed in the Snyth attack on Mars, and Tom. Not everyone gets that lucky.”

Though he didn’t think it was the intention, Bentley’s words rubbed salt in Gideon’s open wound. “I know.”

“It sounds like you’ve found a great love.”

Catching him by surprise, Gideon found himself unable to speak. He nodded in agreement as the tears pricked at his eyes. He’d know it already, deep down, but hearing Bentley put voice to the thought made it very real.

“Then don’t let this be the end,” Bentley told him firmly.

Gideon swallowed hard. He whispered, “It’s not that simple.”

“Nothing in life is,” Bentley admitted. “Is he worth fighting for?”

“Yes.”

“Then fight for him,” Bentley said. He took a breath. “I need to get back to Coltar. Look after yourself, Gideon.”

Gideon nodded. “You too, Matthias. And thanks.”

Bentley smiled and shook Gideon’s hand before leaving. Left alone to consider Bentley’s words, Gideon could feel the first shoots of hope taking root. Was it possible? Could they figure out a way to be together? There were enough barriers standing between them to make the journey there daunting.

Fight for him. Captain Bentley’s words echoed in Gideon’s head.

Striding over to his computer terminal, Gideon typed out a quick message. It was just five words. He used the encryption key that they came up with to communicate when they were teenagers. Before he could think too hard about it, Gideon sent the message.

I’m not letting you go.