Everywhere she walked, she saw reminders of him. But he was gone, and now she needed to go. In a daze, she stepped onto the bridge. She didn’t look at her station. She didn’t make eye contact with any of her colleagues. Instead, she just beelined it for the captain’s ready room.

“Enter,” came a gentle voice.

Ensign Elyssia Rel stepped through, and her eyes fell on the dynamic duo, Commander Cora Lee and her partner, Lieutenant Commander Ekkomas Eidran – or, as she saw them now, a new pip affixed on each of their collars, Captain Lee and Commander Eidran. 

“I suppose congrats are in order for the shinies,” Ensign Rel offered with a meek smile. She was happy for them – she really was – but it was hard to materialize that happiness when a piece of your soul had been ripped out. Seeing them together also reminded her of what she’d lost, their relationship having blossomed in the deep alongside her own with the now-departed Captain Lewis. It’d been the four of them just trying to find their way, stranded out there in the furthest reaches of the Beta Quadrant. But they were still here, and Lewis was gone.

“Cora finally got her much deserved fourth pip!” Commander Eidran beamed, so proud of his girlfriend that he completely failed to notice the sadness pouring off their young friend. “Reyes pinned it on her collar just this morning!”

“No less deserved than your third solid, Ekko,” smiled Captain Lee as she acknowledged his own promotion. “Too bad Reyes saw fit to relieve you as my XO while she was at it though.” It had been an expected change, something about good order and discipline, but she’d enjoyed the brief time they’d gotten to operate alongside each other.

“She’s put an Aquarius on order, the Procyon,” Commander Eidran elaborated. “I’ll be leading up a new unit, the Advanced Unit for Reconnaissance, Operations and Response Activities – or AURORA – off of…” But then the emotions emanating off her finally punctured his happy bubble. He could see it on her face too. She wasn’t here to celebrate with them. “What’s wrong, Elyssia?”

“It’s this,” Ensign Rel gestured around the room somberly. “It’s this room, where the four of us used to game out missions together. It’s my quarters, where Lewis and I used to cuddle and talk for hours. It’s this ship, and the memory of the ship that died to save it. It’s both of you. It’s Reyes. It’s Ayala, Tom, and Lisa. Fuck, it’s even Sena. It’s all of this. Everywhere I look, I see reminders of Lewis. Reminders that he’s no longer with us… with me.”

As Captain Lee stared at her, she couldn’t help but feel for the girl. How could she not? What would she feel if she’d lost Ekko? She came around the desk and wrapped her arms around her Trill friend, wishing she could take the pain away. “I’m so sorry, Elyssia. I really am.” She had no idea what else to say. There were no words that seemed to fit the moment.

Next to them, Commander Eidran reached out and set his hand gently on Elyssia’s shoulder. He could feel how she felt, the emotions bleeding off of her, penetrating his Betazoid senses. It was debilitating. It was breaking. It was a sort of grief and loss he’d never known. “He lived his truth. He fought for us every day.”

And he’d died for them too. For Elyssia. For Cora. For the crew of the Ingenuity, and all those across Polaris Squadron. But it was more than that too. His life, he had given it for all the free people of the galaxy, a sacrifice to ensure they could take it back from the Vaadwaur.

Together, the three of them sat, and they talked. It helped, but it didn’t change her mind. Ensign Rel knew what she needed, and there was nothing anyone could say to take her pain away or to change her mind.

After a time, Ensign Rel cut the conversation off. “I appreciate you guys. I really do. But right now, I just need to go.”

“Go where?” Commander Eidran asked.

“Anywhere that’s not here,” Ensign Rel replied. “It’s not you guys. I’m happy for you. All of you. But I just need to go. To walk. To think. To be away.”

“But Elyssia…” Captain Lee began to say. After everything they’d been through together, she wanted to be there for her. She wanted to help.

“I’m sorry, but I already put in my transfer request,” Ensign Rel disclosed. “Before it hit your desk, I just wanted to do you the courtesy of telling you myself.”

“Where are you going?”

“Commander Skye already approved the request. I’m going to fly smallcraft off Archanis,” Ensign Rel explained. A big step down from being the chief flight control officer of a Pathfinder class research cruiser, but that didn’t matter to her. Not now. A simple job would give her time for other things. “It’s nothing fancy or special, but I just need some time to sort this out. To sort me out.”