Valance brushed her hands off her trousers as if she’d got something on them before realising this was a pointless, nervous tic. Sighing, she straightened, hit the door chime, then clasped her hands behind her back – all the better for the mask of self-control. Only as she walked into the guest quarters at the summons did she remember she came to drop that mask.

‘Oh – hey.’ Cortez was sitting on the sofa by the window but at the sight of her, she stood, visibly awkward. ‘I mean, uh, Captain -’

Valance winced. ‘I came to see how you’re doing,’ she said and prayed this would convey that she wanted to drop the formality.

But the caginess around Cortez remained. ‘Doctor Winters took me off-duty for at least forty-eight hours. I’d rather help with the deflector, sir.’ In the beat that followed as Valance hesitated, unsure how to navigate this, Cortez gestured to the replicator. ‘Can I get you a drink?’

Valance shook her head, polite despite herself. ‘No, thank you. If Doctor Winters has set you the time to rest, you should…’ Her voice trailed off. She shut her eyes. Reaching in and digging out the words took what felt like a herculean effort, but she’d been here before. There were well-worn paths to fear and vulnerability, and somewhere, she’d left lights so she could find her way back. At last, she said, her voice rasping, ‘I was terrified when that probe went to transwarp. I’m glad you’re alright.’

When she opened her eyes, it was Cortez’s turn to look trapped, apprehensive. She shifted. ‘I was pretty terrified.’ But she sounded guarded – not insincere, but apprehensive. ‘Look, nobody said we had to stop caring if the other lived or died –’

‘I left you,’ Valance said, the words bursting out now she’d forced past the walls. ‘And it wasn’t because of you. I put my career first. I had a better offer than… not than what we had, because Jericho saw to it that what we had, both serving aboard this ship, had to end. I had the choice between being shunted to one side or stepping forward, and I chose the latter, and in the process, I dropped you.’

Cortez looked like she didn’t know what to say, startled and unsure. Her eventual response was a sullen, ‘Yes.’

‘If I could have brought you with me to Pathfinder, I would have.’ Valance hesitated. ‘If you’d been coming with me to Nighthawk, that would have been different, too. We shouldn’t pretend that the option was “keep our relationship or get a promotion.” You’d have still been on Triumph. We’d have still not been living together, working together.’

Cortez bit her lip with a flash of frustration. ‘It would have still been more than not seeing you for three months.’

‘I thought we said we’d step apart while we were apart, then take stock once the dust settled. On the squadron, on our lives.’ Valance took a step forward. ‘Was that just something you said to make it go easier?’

‘The dust hasn’t settled,’ Cortez pointed out. ‘I was in Deneb for months. These last weeks haven’t been anything settled. What do you want from me, Karana? To say it’s okay that you left?’

‘You could have stuck this out! You could have tried!’ Valance tossed her hands in the air. ‘You were as much a part of this choice as me, and somehow I’m getting all the blame?’

‘I don’t -’

‘You yelled at me for not expressing myself, you yelled at me for relying on you to help me work through my feelings, but you’re not working through yours, Isa. Are you going to keep pretending that at least some of this was you testing me?’ Cortez looked startled at that accusation, and Valance straightened. ‘Testing me to see if I’d put you first. To see if I’d move heaven and Earth to keep you. Testing me to see if I was like Aria, who threw you to one side and never looked back.’

It was a harsh way to summarise Cortez’s last relationship. It ignored the lies and betrayal that had marked it, that had scarred her. But if it took work for Valance to dig deep and find words for the feelings rattling around inside, that meant sometimes she would tip it too far, and over-compensate.

Cortez was, at least – for all these scars were on show – never a particularly volatile person. She did scowl, though, looking out the window. Somewhere in the distance still lay the shattered remains of the Borg Diamond, left to lie eternal. ‘That’s not it,’ she mumbled at length.

‘Isn’t it?’ Valance pressed. ‘Because it feels like we separated, and then you turned me into the bad guy in your head, because you’re used to – afraid of – not being prioritised. And I think we both know that it’s a little more complicated than that.’

Cortez dropped her gaze, and kicked at the carpet. ‘You’d have been miserable on Nighthawk. And, uh, considering how it went, probably dead.’ She rubbed the back of her neck. ‘Look at you, ignoring my demand you unpack your own shit and instead unpacking mine.’

‘I had to unpack mine to realise what was and wasn’t my fault.’ Valance hesitated. ‘Then I nearly lost you. And I had to sit on my hands and wait for Dav to be a genius, and all I had to do was think about what I’d say, what I’d do, if I ever saw you again.’

‘I guess,’ mumbled Cortez, ‘that’s twice you’ve ridden in on a white horse to save my ass in, like, four months.’

‘You should consider your choices better, yes,’ said Valance, feeling a little light-headed in the way only Cortez could make her feel, forcing levity into every situation, however inappropriate, without downplaying sincerity. But that wasn’t how she, Valance, handled things. ‘But this was only a bit of what I thought I’d say if I saw you again.’

‘You mean you didn’t just imagine handing me my ass for blaming you for my issues?’ said Cortez wryly, lifting her eyes.

‘Leaving you,’ said Valance, straightening, ‘was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. So much of becoming a captain is about repackaging yourself, learning to handle yourself, because there’s so much you can’t show to others. I think the only reason I haven’t regressed horribly these last six months has been… you. How the years with you made me a better person. Made me my best self. And I wish, I wish like hell, you’d still been with me when I made that transition, so I could continue to be my best self even as I changed. Because I’m not. In so many ways, I’m back to the Karana Valance you met, who keeps everyone at bay and keeps everything inside.’

The corners of Cortez’s eyes creased. ‘Not in every way. I saw you at that dinner. You’ve got a bond with everyone; they trust you, they respect you, they like you…’

‘But it still made it clear what I’d lost. Because imagine what that would have been if it was us doing that dinner?’

Cortez winced. ‘I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind.’

‘I don’t know what the future will hold when we get back. Where your SCE Team will go. I don’t know what you want. But it’s not Jericho in charge of us now, it’s Rourke. And, more importantly…’ Valance’s breath caught. ‘I still love you. I didn’t drag my ship two hundred light-years to save Logan. I didn’t ask Dav to break the laws of physics for Thawn. I pushed and I demanded and I refused to back down, and I did it… for you.’

There was more, and it was all complicated. This wasn’t even directly asking for her back; she could open the door, and only Cortez could step through. If she did, there were still complications. Their careers. What Rourke would say. The unspoken truth that the compromises would have to be from Cortez; that Valance was Captain of Endeavour, and that was not going to change.

‘I hated,’ Cortez mumbled at length, ‘that the last time we really talked, I yelled at you. I hated the idea we were going to die out there and that was how it would end. But you still know it’s not… that easy.’ Valance’s chest tightened, and she realised that Cortez was not going to reciprocate verbalising her affection. Not in so many words. Then Cortez advanced, closing the distance between them. ‘But it sounds like we’ve got a few weeks of doing not much more than travel to clear it up.’

Valance found her gaze flickering down from Cortez’s eyes to her lips, and drew a deep, uncertain breath. ‘We -’

‘Bridge to Captain Valance.’ Shepherd’s voice came piping through with enough to cheer to make her truly throttle-worthy. ‘We’re ready to get underway.’

Valance closed her eyes, but Cortez laughed. ‘You can make it up to me,’ said Cortez, ‘by letting me join you on the bridge to see us off.’

‘If you insist,’ sighed Valance, gesturing for her to lead the way. The ship did need to get underway, after all. But then Cortez went to pass her, and on an impulse, she moved. Her hand came lightly to Cortez’s arm, gentle enough to be brushed off, firm enough to stop her. Their eyes met, and it was only the briefest moment of hesitation passing between them, a silent question, a silent affirmation. Then Valance pulled Cortez to her and kissed her.

Despite the silent question, Cortez was tense for a moment, startled. Then her hands snaked around Valance’s neck, the embrace greedy, needy; guilty and desperate. Even when they broke apart, chests heaving for air, Cortez stayed close, eyes shut. ‘Aw, hell,’ she breathed against her lips. ‘I guess “I stranded everyone at the ass end of space to save you” was the right words I was looking for.’

Valance felt her lips split into a wide smile, enough to make her cheeks ache with how uncommon it felt, however right it was. ‘And I yelled at you for making your issues my problem. Don’t forget that.’

‘Oh yeah. You charmer.’ Cortez grinned impishly and kissed the tip of her nose in a move so intentionally cutesy it was infuriating. ‘We better get to the bridge. But also, we’re havin’ dinner later. I’m not letting you sweep me off my feet without actual conversations.’

‘I might have a lot of working dinners…’

‘Then it’s just as well I’m a goddamn engineer who can help you work and fix your life. C’mon. Let’s scram.’

Valance was glad she had several decades’ practice in perfecting her masks and demeanour when she stepped onto the bridge with Cortez as if it was the most normal thing in the world for the captain and SCE leader to arrive together. ‘What’s our status, Shep?’

Surrendering the centre chair, Shepherd gestured to it with a demonstrative wave of the hand and stepped back. ‘All systems are operational, Cap. Restoration of the main deflector is complete. All scans of the Diamond’s wreckage have been conducted; we’ll have some great data to bring back without risking our necks. Oh, and the away teams have been forced off-duty by Doctor Winters at last.’ She gave Cortez a pointed look. Cortez just gave a thumbs-up back.

Valance looked towards Comms. ‘Kally, is our message back to Gateway gone?’

‘It’ll get there ahead of us, Captain,’ Kally confirmed. ‘But not necessarily by much.’

‘Not if we hot-foot it at top speed,’ Shepherd pointed out.

‘About that…’ Valance set her hands on her hips and peered at the viewscreen. ‘We’re on the far side of old Romulan territory. We could race back at Warp 9.99. We could head to Klingon space, move through friendly terrain.’ She glanced back at her crew. ‘How do we feel about the pretty route?’

Shepherd squinted suspiciously. ‘The “pretty route?”’

‘Through old Romulan space. See what our sensors show us. And if it’s interesting… investigate.’ Valance shrugged. ‘Starfleet has never pushed this far out. Our entire mandate was to eventually go beyond the Midgard Sector, go to places Starfleet’s never been. See what happened to the far end of the Empire. See what was here all along. What do you think?’

Shep grinned. ‘I think hell yeah!’

‘Excellent.’ Valance eased into the central chair. ‘Ensign Fox, for the moment, set us on a course for the Midgard System. But, Mister Turak? Keep up our scans. Let’s see what’s out there.’

‘Course laid in, Captain,’ Fox confirmed moments later.

Valance glanced over her shoulder, unable to avoid Cortez’s quiet smirk. She steeled her own, because she was still the captain. She’d still had to remake herself. She still had to be someone else. But that was not, necessarily, the wrong person to be. She leaned back in her seat and gestured at the viewscreen. ‘Go.’