Walton stood at the docking ring for the USS Tokyo, her hands nervously behind her back.  A deck officer was at the station, working.  She had nervously approached and then walked back a few times.  How do you approach a captain you’ve never met about something so painful and personal?  She sighed, kicked herself, and approached the deck officer, “Captain Wren Walton.  I needed to speak with Commander Yoon-Jung.”

The deck officer stared at her, “I…uh…you outrank both of us, Captain Walton.  You can just step aboard.  I’ll notify the commander that you’re coming aboard.  Can I tell her why you’re here?”

Wren thanked him, “I guess I’m just used to the procedure.  Carry on, Ensign. Tell her I’m here…to talk about the ending of our mission.”  She walked in and over to the New Orleans Class starship, appreciating her lines and look.  Her predecessor had captained a ship like the Tokyo after completing his service on a Raven class.  Even older, the ships had class and strength.  She nodded as she passed officers and crew who glanced at her rank and wondered what had happened to get a full captain on the Tokyo.  She ascertained the captain was in her ready room and soon stood before it, tapping the door chime.

“Come in” A voice was heard, giving her the entrance to a ready room that was in utter chaos. PADDs are on the table, desk, and ground. The jacket is on the chair, and the papers are on the ground. A sink in person behind the desk in a chair. She looked up and saw the Captain. Normally she would snap to attention for a senior officer, but this mission had buried that part of formality “Captain…Walton right?”

Wren gave a slight nod, taking in the details that told her the state of the commander.  “And you are Commander Yoon-Jung.”  She gingerly walked over the paper trail on the floor and slid into the seat in front of the Tokyo’s CO.  “And it’s just…Wren.”  She plunged ahead, “I…uh, read your preliminary report to Fourth Fleet.  When I heard you’d be here at the outpost, I wanted to…come in person.  We…we’ve both endured a heavy loss, Commander.”

She placed her hands over each other and leaned a bit back in her chair. “Have we? I do have to apologize, Captain, I am not up-to-date with the current condition of the Fourth Fleet currently. Had my hands full with…” It was a bitter pill for her to swallow, but nodded it off. “Well.. I am sorry for your losses” She looked a bit emotionless at Wren. “Name is Ko” She added finally. 

Walton felt a frown and fought it.  “I wasn’t referring to the Fourth Fleet losses.  I was referring to yours and Tokyo’s.  We…lost our Chief Engineer in an attempt to misdirect a Borg Sphere.”  She reflected on memories of Katsumi before she said, “I wanted to see how you were doing.”  She fiddled with her fingers in her lap, “Ko, I know you don’t know me…when I read the report…something in me pushed me to reach out to someone who had lost as we had on the Mackenzie…I’m at my best-helping others.”

“Right,” Ko replied, a bit stiff, and let it sink in a bit. “Captain Takato stated that I needed not to run away from this by resigning from my position. But in these times be there for them, I …” Ko struggled to find the words and looked outside to the ships flying past her window. “I lost seven people for a mission that was suicidal to begin with. I should be thankful that it is just seven…” 

Wren nodded, understanding a part of the commander’s plight.  She had read the report.  The wound of loss was deep, and the loss of seven souls would threaten to break any commanding officer.  “There’s a lot of should be when it comes to being a CO, Ko.  All the training, all the work…it prepares us…but there’s only so much preparation we can do when it comes to sitting in that center chair.”  She reflected on something Ko had said earlier, “You’ve considered resigning?”

“I already offered it as a sense of duty and responsibility to those that have died under my command.” She shrugged and looked at her. “But that is the thing, right….we lost many experienced officers during the Lost Fleet and the Frontier Day incident. I was by far ready to take the center chair,” Ko admits. “But Starfleet is still with its hands in their hair as we speak when it comes to the experienced crew to take this heavy burden of a simple leather chair.” The shortage was going to be an issue for upcoming missions and obligations that they were to uphold.

Walton shook her head, “Before I was granted the Mackenzie, I worked with captains, executive officers, department heads…working to improve them.  Sometimes, saving them from themselves.”  She leaned forward, “The loss of your officers doesn’t define you, Ko.  Your reputation and the culture of your crew… that defines you.”  She sat back, looking into the eyes of the commander, “What do you think your crew would say if you resigned?”

“I honestly don’t know, but I approved a mission that was doomed from the beginning. Let’s be realistic here, Wren….sending your crew into the monster’s den is madness to begin with.” Ko shrugged at her own words. “But those lingering words stick there in the back of your mind. What if?” Ko rolled her eyes and leaned her head against the chair. “I need to find a way to face my Chief Engineer. I sent her brother to that sphere….she broke down on my bridge hearing her brother’s final words.”

The CO of the Mackenzie understood.  “I sent two away teams onto a Borg Sphere…we didn’t hear from them for twelve hours.  Madness seems like a basis for our missions sometimes.”  She had spent time wondering what those final moments had been like for Commander Katsumi.  “I ask myself the same thing…how will I face her parents when we return home?  What if we had risked rescuing them sooner?  But…the trouble with ‘what ifs’ is you can bury yourself underneath asking that question…and never find your way out.”  Wren looked into Ko’s eyes, “You did what was asked of you…and her brother did the same.  My engineering chief did the same.  They looked into a universe full of risk…and accepted it.  As for what you tell his sister…,” Walton shrugged, “You miss him just as she misses him.  Connecting in shared grief can be a strong start to the healing process.”

The thing was for Ko that the crew was too new for her to be bound that closely already. Ko shrugged as she rubbed her shoulder, feeling the soft pain of the bone cutter the drone used on her. “I understand what my old Captain meant when he told me that awards, pips, or academy courses do not shape an officer. They are shaped by the scars they carry for the rest of their life.” Ko was dragged through so many experiences for the past few months that she had no time to grieve, to process her emotions. “How do you do it, Captain? Get up and back into that chair?”

Walton considered the question.  They’d lost a Voth colony, and the sour smell of blood hadn’t quite been shaken from her senses.  They’d lost a member of their senior staff.  They’d saved two planets and sent the Borg back behind the borders.  “I wish I had a miracle fix, Ko.  I read a novel back in the academy…and one of the character’s lines stuck with me.  It goes, ‘…when you can’t run, you crawl, and when you can’t crawl- when you can’t do that, you find someone to carry you.’  I think about that chair… and how important it is to get back into it.  You run back to it.  You crawl back to it.  You get someone to carry you back to it.  That chair is a sacred symbol.  That despite the hurt, the loss, the injury…the CO will always find their way back to the chair.”  She leaned forward, “It’s as much about us as it is about our crews, Ko.  They look to us to know that it’ll be ok.  We look to them so we can keep going.”

“Almost poetic….” She mutters to herself as Ko thinks for a moment, “I think we all need time to process, to grief, to cry, to yell,” Letting out a sigh, “To realize the cruelty of the galaxy as it continues its journey through time,” Ko felt somewhat calm, relief and pieces finding its place “What will you do Wren?” 

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “You’re right to take time to process.  We all suffer from emotions…even Vulcans battle them every few years.  The galaxy is cruel…but if we find ways to bend its cruelty against itself…I’ll take that as a win.  I’ll get back in my chair so we can get back out there to find ways to spread some compassion and mercy.  The universe’s future is ahead of us…and we haven’t run out of it yet.  Plenty more ways to score some wins against the cruelty of the galaxy.” She turned the question on her new friend, “What will you do, Ko?”

The question crawled up on her as Ko took a second to answer it, “I am going to stay here in Delta. This quadrant can use some….compassion and mercy.” She used Wren’s words and softly smiled in her direction. “But aside from that….I keep wondering why did the Borg do what they did, why now?” Ko shrugged. 

Walton stood, “I’ve learned one thing about the Borg from this mission – they have their logic and reasoning. To try and apply our own against theirs…it would take years to understand them.  I’m hopeful for you and the Tokyo here in the Delta Quadrant.  This is the second trip for the Mackenzie…and hopefully our last.”  She stepped forward and extended her hand, “Commander Yoon-Jung, it was an honor to meet you.”

She stood slowly up for the first time in the many hours she had sat in that chair. She reached out her hand to Wren. “Thank you…” She thought for a second, “…for the time and advice you have given me” With that, she grabbed her hand and shook it. 

Wren put her other hand over Ko’s, “Get back in that chair when you’re ready, Ko.  The universe and the galaxy need you and the Tokyo standing up against the cruelty with the rest of us.”  She released her handshake and stood at attention, “Fair winds and following seas, Commander.”

“I will…eventually” Ko had much to process and while this chat was the start she understood what she had to do or better say, where to start. She gave Wren a smile.s “Let your life be led by a compass and not by a clock as my family would say” Letting go of her hand and sitting back in her chair “Fair winds, Captain” seeing her leave. 

Wren left the ready room, a smile spreading across her face.  She’d found a friend, and her heart felt a little lighter as she headed back to the Mackenzie, and her chair.