The room was a mess. Papers, PADDs, and clothing were on the ground. Chairs were pushed aside by force, and even the table had to endure whatever had entered the room by being shattered and lying on its side. The lights were dimmed as the reflection of stars was passing by the window. A whimper, a sniffle, and muttering sounds came from the corner.

Towalr was shaped into a ball in the corner with his head hanging between his legs and hands on his head, wiggling back and forth. “No…we can't, we cannot do this, we shall not survive. We can't” He kept repeating to himself, shaking his head repeatedly. His breathing was short, and his hands were shaking. “Why would Starfleet do this, not again, NOT AGAIN” He screamed, pushing his hands back on his head. 

“These Jem'hadar know how to fight, but we know how to beat them! Strength and willpower!” 

The memories, the words, and the voice of Captain Jameson were echoing in the back of Towalr's mind. He shook his head and shook even more. “No, STOP” 

“I am proud of you, Commander Towalr. You are an excellent officer, and you care a lot for the crew. Before I know it, you will be the Captain of your ship. I know that for sure.” 

He stopped moving and slowly lowered his hands as his watery eyes looked. The memory was so fresh. It was so present as if he could see it happen right before him. They had survived the Lost Fleet battles with the brilliant guidance of Captain Jameson. He was like a mentor for him, and then it happened. Towalr gritted his teeth as he shook his head trying to mute the sound of the shots and screams. 

“Protect the crew, Towalr, they are the most important key! They are not themselves….save them” 

The dying voice of his Captain when he was shot more than once by his crew members as the signal hit the ship and plunged it into utter chaos. The dead bodies were all around him, and the taste and smell of iron were hitting him quite heavily. It was imprinted into him that memory, the sound, and taste. Towalr bent forward as he puked onto the ground. He felt his stomach being upset by the bare memory of what he saw. 

He vomited a few times as the smell of iron was stuck in his nose. His sweater was drenched in sweat. His lunch was on the ground as he took quick breaths. He fell backward and landed against the wall, feeling the dizziness and lightheadedness creep up on him “Towalr to sickbay, I need medical aid.” He barely gets out.

“This is Ibrx. What is wrong Commander?”

“I…I ….can't breathe.” He swallowed the sour and bitter taste in his mouth. “I feel dizzy and puked over my whole floor”

“Take a deep breath, Commander, slow and steady. I have sent a medical team to aid you”

The silence came back into the room, Towalr did his best to slow down his breathing. But the vivid flashbacks of the death crew members, of the lifeless body of his former Captain. It haunted down his very spine. He felt slowly that his vision got blurry. “no…I don't want to go…I am too young.” He manages to get out as he blacks out the moment the medical team arrived at his room.