Vantek paced nervously in the corridor. He’d committed to doing this but was having second thoughts and last minute jitters. But he knew he didn’t like who he was right now. What he’d become. In order to get better though, he needed to face this. He couldn’t do that on his own. 

“Right. Stop stalling and just do it.”

He pressed the page button next to the door and waited. The urge to press himself flush against the wall like a changeling trying to become the wall screamed loudly and he shook in opposition. The quiet meant that it was easier to hear the whispers. He knew it was just the memory of what it was like having them in his head. But his discomfort with the quiet now had to be dealt with, and the underlying problem of his trauma. It was the only way he was going to be able to move forward.

As the door opened, Arwa appeared and looked in the corridor seeing Vantek “Ensign, I believe you have an appointment with me. Please do enter and take a seat” Arwa let him enter and followed him “Anything you like to drink? You seem nervous?” She walked to the replicator getting some mint water. “Just keep in mind that you are in a safe place and I am here to help you with any kind of problem” 

Vantek frowned with a nod, stepping in side and trying to keep his body language from broadcasting how tense he was. He took the offered set and glanced back at the door a few times. Perhaps contemplating running for it, or hiding from it. 

“Yeah.” He said hesitantly. “The quiet makes me uncomfortable. I tried to stay in noisy places or stay busy, but when it’s quiet I can still hear them in the back of my mind. Sort of.”

”It is a common problem that people of your age are experiencing at this moment after the traumatic event that took place.” Arwa placed a glass of water in front of him ”So tell me Ensign. How do you get out of your bed? What is your routine and how much has it changed since that fateful day?” Arwa took a sip from her drink while sitting down. 

His brows furrowed and he glanced up confused. His knee jerk reaction was to reply with something dry and sarcastic but thinking on it? It was a valid question. “Slowly. I haven’t been sleeping the best. It takes a long time to fall asleep eventually and my alarm comes way too fast. Usually I’ll take a shower, get dressed, have some breakfast and leave for duty. As for how its changed? Well, now I spend more time in crowds and noisy places. It’s had a negative impact on being able to go where the ambient volume isn’t above a dull roar. And sometimes I catch myself jumping at shadows.”

Arwa looked at him. “Have you considered the other way around, Ensign?” She took a sip of her drink. “Most victims that are undergoing the transformation of Borg and being connected to the hive, experiencing loneliness, emptiness, sleepless nights because it is quiet.” Arwa placed the glass down. “So your unconscious mind seeks crowded areas to fill the holes that are now quiet in your head, fill it with noise to make you feel at ease.” 

Taking a moment to think about it, “I do have to say that studies in such degree are still unclear to whom it affects in what period because such symptoms are only shown with former Borg that have been part of the hive for years.” She tapped the side of the table “Do you experience anxiety when being alone?”

He frowned thinking on it for a moment. “I guess? It tends to be quieter when I’m alone. It never used to bother me though.” He leaned forward trying to focus recent episodes. “Yeah, usually when I’m in large noisy crowds I feel a little more at ease. The noise helps drown out the whispers.” He tried to repress a shudder unsuccessfully. 

Giving him a nod “Well, that is progress. What about working with other people? How is that experience for you?” Arwa observed his behavior closely without changing her facial expression “Is it okay? Do you tend to be more irritable? Do you get calmer in the presence of others or maybe you feel more exhausted?”

Vantek shifted in his seat, giving the question some thought. “As well as normal I guess. Probably more calmer in bigger crowds, but maybe a little anxious alone.” He knew his language sounded passive and unsure, but he couldn’t force himself to stronger more certain language. At the moment felt like he was standing in thick mud. Difficult to move in. “I’ve had issues sleeping too. And my room is kind of empty because I don’t spend much time in it.”

“Interesting.” She took a sip of her drink and closed her eyes to enjoy the flavor for a second or two, then opened up and looked at him. “Just one last question, do you experience a form of panic when you are in a group and nothing is discussed? For example, standing in a turbolift?”Arwa placed the cup down. 

Vantek’s arms cinched a hair tighter around his torso making it look like his casually folded arms had been tied now just a little too tightly. He shrugged, but the gesture was muted and barely noticeable. He shifted slightly uncomfortable at the admission. “Yeah, I guess so. The quiet…it’s heavy. Like being jovian gravity or something.”

Giving a soft nod in his direction and smiles. “I think we can conclude this talk Ensign. The recent events have left scars on everyone in different forms, and yours is something I have concluded to match with Sedatephobia” She took a deep breath and leaned back in her chair. “When you were part of the hive even if for a brief moment your brain had to process a lot”

She thought briefly before Arwa continued, “Which is a logical reaction that when it stopped, it was still spinning in your head. A gear was added without a function.” She leaned forward. “So, to briefly explain what it is, Sedatephobia is a form of inability to process silence. You need noise, you need people talking. That is why you are sleeping so badly, you can’t stay in your quarters. That is why you are agitated and unable to focus”

“I will advise you to continue counseling sessions with us, try to get into the lessons of Yoga or Meditation to calm your mind. But for now, get some rest, put on a radio with music in your room so there is noise.” Arwa smiled in his direction. “Any questions?”

He rose feeling a little awkward and shook his head. He shouldn’t need this kinda stuff. And yet he did. That alone was enough to mess with his head. Still, he’d committed to the life. May as well see it through. Regardless of how it panned out for him. “Thanks. I think I’m good for now.” He made his way to the door and flinched in the corridor. The emptyness and deafening quiet pressed in on him for a beat until he released a quiet deep breath and forced himself into the corridor, one foot at a time, humming a soft tune to try and crack into the sound void. He had some patrols to walk soon, maybe he’d grab an ear piece and listen to some books. He nodded, rather liking the idea.