She had a meeting on Gateway with the commodore in the afternoon. Normally, Valance would have used this as an opportunity for paperwork, but she couldn’t face the slew of reports tumbling in to announce the death tolls from Frontier Day. Otherwise, she might have disembarked at the station, but being surrounded by life and normalcy felt as hollow and unwelcoming as confronting the death and suffering. So she strained Doctor Winters’ instructions by getting in a workout on Endeavour’s gym and returned to her quarters, sweaty and guilty, to find Airex waiting at the door.

‘I’m not a snitch,’ he said at once, gently wry as he followed her inside.

‘I took it easy,’ Valance insisted, wiping her brow with the towel. ‘Either this is quick, or you should get a coffee while I grab a shower.’

He didn’t directly answer, eyes dragging across her rooms. ‘You should move into the captain’s quarters.’

‘That’s what Kharth said. That’s also avoidance. What’s on your mind, Dav?’ She stopped halfway to the bathroom, realising that this might be too urgent to make him wait.

There was a pause where he still didn’t look at her, now regarding the looming shape of Gateway Station through the windows. ‘I can’t be your XO.’

She froze. ‘What?’

With a defeated sigh, he turned. ‘I have to stay in the Sciences, Karana. I’m not ready to move into command.’

‘You’ve got lifetimes of experience, and even without those, you’re a damn good officer…’

‘It’s complicated,’ he butted in. ‘But the truth is, I’m still figuring a lot out about myself. I’m not hiding from my past any more, from Lerin. So I have to ask myself: who is Davir Airex? Really?’

Valance tossed the towel to one side. ‘Why can’t you find that out as my XO?’

‘Because this isn’t just a mission of exploration. Because we’re going to have to make hard choices about places like Teros. Like what to do about the raiders who squat on Sot Thryfar, how to manage the interests of independent worlds and the Republic and maybe the Klingon Empire, for all we know. Because…’ He swallowed. ‘When my back is against a wall, when I think the galaxy needs cold-blooded pragmatism from me, I hear Lerin’s voice. And I need more time to be sure of who I am to challenge it.’

‘And one thing you’re sure of,’ said Valance, heart sinking, ‘is being a scientist.’

‘I want to advocate for exploration, knowledge, and research. I want it to be my duty to do that, to be the voice speaking up for that. Not to be someone who has to measure up these choices, weigh up expanding our understanding of the galaxy against political or humanitarian pressures.’

‘You know I trust your judgement. I understand what you’re saying, but I think your values are stronger than you fear.’

‘Good,’ said Airex, corners of his eyes creasing at his saddened smile. ‘It means I’m faking very well. Because I’m sorry, Karana. But I’m a lot weaker than you think.’

Her gaze dropped. ‘What brought this on? Frontier Day?’

‘Teros.’ His expression dropped. ‘There are reasons that place drove me away two years ago. I left some things under rocks there and didn’t know it.’

‘So what am I supposed to do, Dav?’ Bitterly disappointed, she tried to hide it, tried to sound more wryly long-suffering as she looked at him. ‘Who’s supposed to be my right-hand man now?’

Now his gaze lightened. ‘I think you know the answer to that.’ He nodded past her. ‘You should have a shower and then have that conversation.’

‘Me.’ Kharth looked like she’d been punched in the face. ‘You want me to be your XO.’

Valance tried to not grind her teeth at the mixture of surprise and disapproval. ‘You weren’t my first choice, Kharth.’

‘Thanks.’ Still obviously reeling, Kharth crossed the ready room to replicate herself a tea. Valance watched, knowing this was a tactic to buy time, irritated that the other woman needed to reflect on something she herself had been stewing on for a shower and several hours. At last, all she got for her patience was a grated, taut, ‘Why?’

‘Frontier Day speaks for itself,’ said Valance with a shrug. Her hands were clasped on the desk in front of her, and she tried to keep her grip looser. ‘You’re excellent under pressure. You hold the safety of the crew paramount. You’re resourceful and inventive.’

‘No,’ said Kharth returning to the desk. ‘Why do you want me as your XO?’

Valance swallowed. ‘Your investment in and knowledge of the sector is a quality, not a drawback. I think it’s a waste of what you have to offer to keep you from the strategic decision-making in the Midgard Sector.’

‘Then send me to the strat ops job on Gateway.’ Kharth waved a dismissive hand. ‘You’re captain of Endeavour. Why do you want me as first officer of Endeavour?’

Valance leaned an inch forward. She couldn’t tell if Kharth was provoking her, demanding she speak plainly, or was so busy reeling from the proposal she needed it spelling out. ‘You irk me, Kharth. You’re lax when I’m disciplined. Impulsive when I’m collected. Blunt when I’m subtle.’

‘You mean,’ drawled Kharth, ‘I act when you’re too busy over-thinking, and I’m not afraid to carry a big stick.’

‘I don’t always agree with you. I often don’t. But I respect you,’ Valance said, straightening. ‘I trust your judgement, and I trust you to have a reason for the things you do. Which are different to what I’d do and how I’d do it. And I think we listen to each other a lot more than we did when we met. I think we’ve had good results working side-by-side. I believe I know when I should shoot you down. I believe you’ll listen. The rest of the time? You push me when I need pushing. You show me a different way.’

That made Kharth falter, her expression fading. Her thumb drummed on the rim of the teacup as she thought. ‘I don’t know if I can speak against the interests of Romulan refugees. Even if it’s the pragmatic Starfleet choice.’

‘I don’t want you to,’ said Valance. ‘If I’m ruling against the needs of the most vulnerable people in the sector, I want to have won a fight against you first.’

‘And I won’t be your token Romulan, here to placate locals and the Republic.’

‘Of course not; you’ve never made my life easier, Kharth, and you know it.’

She snorted. Then drew a deep breath. ‘Wow. Never thought we’d be here.’

‘Me neither,’ Valance agreed. ‘So what’ll it be? Because if I don’t have an XO to announce to Qureshi, he will pull me someone from personnel.’

‘A high-rising twelve-year-old, if post-Frontier Day personnel decisions keep on going the way they have,’ Kharth muttered. ‘We can’t have that. Screw it. I’m in.’ As they rose and shook hands, her brow furrowed. ‘I don’t have a successor in place. Do you want me to go bat with Gateway to steal back Song?’

‘He and Danjuma want to stay there so she can raise her little brother,’ Valance sighed. ‘I actually reached out to some contacts. I thought we could offer the post to Commander Logan.’

Kharth hesitated, and Valance frowned, unable to read this apprehension. At length, she said, ‘He’s… very competent.’

‘You think the crew would struggle to work with a former Borg?’

‘No, no – I think Intelligence wastes him. I think he… would do well, settling down.’ Kharth swallowed. ‘I have no objections.’

‘You’re sure?’

The next nod was more convincing. ‘I’m sure. He’s a good man. I don’t think he’s had a fair shake in years. We can give him one.’

‘Good.’ Despite her reluctance to face this choice, Valance’s chest felt lighter as she nodded. ‘I have to go see the commodore. I’ll notify him of the changes.’ She glanced at the other woman, at the gold shoulders of her jacket. ‘The paperwork will need processing. But… you’re out of uniform, Commander.’

Valance had seen Kharth’s smirks, seen her relaxed, seen her happy. This was perhaps the most unabashed smile she’d ever seen from her, and it continued to ease the tension in her gut as she left Endeavour for Gateway.

Where her ship was still heavy with the echoes of Frontier Day, setting foot on Gateway Station was like coming up for air. Even the Starfleet officers, though walking with the more cautious gait she knew of crew emerging from a crisis, seemed lighter, more relaxed. They had not run for their lives from their comrades. They had not been the ones to try to kill their own.

The turbolift stopped at Ops, and she stepped out to more familiar faces than the last time she’d been there. Dashell gave her a warm smile, Song a brisk nod, but it was Commander Shepherd who stepped out to greet her. ‘Valance! Good to see you.’

They were not friends, and yet Shep still met her with an exuberant handshake as if they’d been through wars together, which was only true on the most technical of levels. ‘Shepherd – Shep. I’m here to see the Commodore.’

‘Oh, the Commodore.’ Shepherd waggled her eyebrows, then looked nonplussed as she only got a blank look. ‘Oh!’ Realisation that Valance did not understand dawned on her face. ‘Oh. Yeah. Go on up to the office.’

‘Thank you. How has the station been?’

‘Clear of Borg.’ Shepherd blew out her cheeks. ‘And the Swiftsure was in Synnef, so it was also shielded.’

‘The Swiftsure?’

Another hesitation. ‘You should get up there. Things happened in the last few days.’

Valance frowned, but nodded and made her way up the steps to the higher level of Ops, and towards the commanding officer’s office. A hit at the chime saw the doors slide open, and she stepped in, shoulders straight. ‘Commodore.’

But the room was bare and plain. Faint discolouration on the bulkheads belied where pictures had been, but otherwise, it looked as if it were new, untouched. More than that, Hasan Qureshi was nowhere in sight.

She knew the figure by the desk, though, and stopped, startled. ‘Captain? What are you doing here?’

Matthew Rourke turned. He wore the tight smile she knew he reserved for when he was trying to hide a beam. ‘Karana! I told you a few months ago that you should call me Matt. But, ah, you’re wrong, anyway.’

Her eyes flickered down to his uniform, the thicker jacket preferred for more formal occasions, and she saw the gleam of his pips. Her eyebrows shot up. ‘What – what happened? With the inquiry, to Qureshi?’

‘He didn’t tell you?’ Rourke winced. ‘Qureshi retired. Medical reasons. It was always coming; he was trying to put the station in order before he left. I wasn’t supposed to be his successor, but they bought it on Sol. Suddenly, Command can’t really afford to shuffle off an old dog like me.’ But he sobered. ‘I was at Avalon. It wasn’t pretty. I hear Endeavour was hit hard.’

‘It was, but we’re…’ Valance reeled. ‘You’re the new CO of Gateway?’

‘Commanding Officer of Gateway Station and the squadron.’ He was not a man to preen. But she saw him swell with relief as much as pride. ‘I expect we’ve got a lot to talk about. A lot to plan. But, first…’ He reached into his pocket. ‘You know I couldn’t be happier that Endeavour fell to you. So, you disappoint me, Karana.’

She froze. The guilt at taking his ship was something she’d been managing a lot better before coming face to face with him again. ‘Sir? I mean… Matt?’

Commodore Matt Rourke gave a broad, toothy grin and threw her a small black box. She fumbled to open it, knowing what she’d see yet not believing it even when her eyes landed on the single silver pip. ‘We’ve got a lot of work to do. And you’re out of uniform, Captain Valance.’