“You’ve mentioned the USS Erigone several times in our sessions, Ensign.”

Matthew Phillips sat across from the counselor, his hands clasped together on his lap.  He’d been on Bravo since July last year, and fitting in was challenging.  Given the station’s size, he’d continued to get a handle on his job responsibilities, expansive as they were.  And yet, the Erigone remained a part of his memory and struggle.   The injuries he had experienced and the immediate desire to leave had started to bother him a few months into his assignment.  Had he made the right decision?  Had he fled when he should have fought?  “I..it was my first assignment.  It was pretty intense from start to finish.”

The counselor read through the notes again, “You had a console explode in your face, Mr. Phillips.  Your injuries were significant and required additional procedures after the fact.”  She let the silence fill as she waited for him to respond.

“Yes.  It was…intense.”

She tried another tact, “Ensign, you’ve spoken today about learning that your former commanding officer, Ambrose Harris, was killed in the line of duty.”  She waited a moment before asking, “You wouldn’t have mentioned it if you didn’t want to discuss it.  Considering he was your CO on the Erigone….?”

Matthew’s usual straight and broad shoulders slowly collapsed inwardly, “He…was a good commander.  I liked the Erigone under his command and the crew I served with.”

Her eyebrows raised ever so slightly, “But…?”

Phillips tried to find the right words but failed.  He fidgeted with his hands for a moment before he tried to answer. “I wasn’t ready for the intensity.  It was as if everything was happening everywhere at once – and I couldn’t keep up.  It felt like my attention was all over the place.  I couldn’t do my job because everything was happening.”

She accepted that answer, “Have you tried to reach out to your old crew?” A quiet shake of the head was his answer. She pressed, “Why?”

“Prentice…we got along but only so far.  And Doctor Reid…she’s resigned and left Starfleet.  We never got enough time to…grow together, if that makes sense.  Such a small ship – we were always doing something.  I wonder if it would have been different if I had followed them to the Edinburgh.”

She made a note, “Do you regret that decision?”

“I do.”  He had played the game out in his head plenty of times.  Had he stayed – what would he have learned, what relationships would he have grown into, and what experiences would he have had in the blackness of space?  “But regret isn’t something I can hang onto, counselor.  I’ve been working on moving past it…to call this place my home now.”

“I’m glad to hear that, ensign.  You’ve come a long way.”  She keyed in her final thoughts on the PADD, “I have some homework for you…I’d like you to put together some notes on what home means to you, ensign.  Come back to our next session so we can explore that concept.”

They both stood, and he shook her hand, feeling the warmth.  As he walked through the door and back into the station’s large corridors, he wondered – was this going to be his home?