Surveyor had been back underway for just under a week. The corps of engineers had demonstrated the skill of their craft in repairing the physical damage to the ship, while the crew themselves took time to collect their thoughts after the nightmare of their last deployment.
For Naomi, the shore leave was short-lived and unsettled. Reports needed filling, welfare referrals needed escalating, and the debrief with the brass alone took up the majority of her time for the first few weeks.
They were less than a day out of drydock; the new Warp core was just being broken in; a fact that was still evident by the humming of the deck plating. Oscillating frequencies that changed deck by deck like a dull vibration felt through the sole of one’s foot, or, occasionally, a noticeable rumble felt through the Captain’s chair that could have been mistaken for a massage function.
But the chaos of Avalon Fleet Yards was now billions of miles behind them, and through her ready-room window, Naomi gazed out across the vastness of the universe and felt a sense of calming serenity for the first time in weeks.
It would be hard to forget the horror of the parallel universe. Some wounds were going to take longer to heal than others. Naomi was still coming to terms with the decisions she made, and the consequences that rested on her shoulders with crushing weight. It was easy to dismiss these past events under the heading of an ‘alternate past,’ but she found that ignoring the suffering and sacrifice of human life was unpalatable to her no matter what quantum reality it occurred in. She and her crew were now part of that universe’s history, she could not ignore that; it was as real to her as a memory from her childhood.
As she nursed her teacup from the mezzanine, the door chimed brightly. “Come,” she spoke, authorising entry.
Tom stepped through the threshold, PADD in hand. “Got this morning’s department sit-reps for you, when you’re ready, Captain.” He reported.
“Thanks, Tom, just set it on the desk.”
Tom took a beat. It wasn’t hard to take a pulse from the crew lately; many of them felt that it was too soon to go back to ‘business as usual’ given their experiences. Some of them lost friends and family. Others now carry with them traumatic experiences that will haunt them for years to come. As first officer, it was his job to keep a lid on such things. Administering support where necessary and took action where appropriate to keep morale from spiralling down the drain. When he looked at the Captain, he knew right away that she needed his counsel more than ever. They were all still processing the events of the past few months; even he was carrying a portion of that responsibility on his back, and he could only imagine the weight of that burden upon someone who was accountable for the entire ship.
“Can I be frank?” he asked humbly.
Naomi glanced back over her shoulder. “By all means.”
“Have you given any thought to booking a session or two with our new counsellor? Might do you some good… getting some of these thoughts out in the open, to air out, y’know?”
Naomi nodded. “I’ve considered it,” she said softly. “She’s going to have a full diary for the next few weeks anyway. Thought it best to let the crew have priority for bookings.”
Tom approached and leaned over the handrail. “Makes sense, but there’s a fine line between chivalry and martyrdom.”
“What do you mean?” Naomi didn’t follow.
“The crew still look to you as an example; they look at you and expect to see confidence and stability… right now, I think you’re neglecting yourself for their sake… It’s noble of you, but—“
“Unhealthy?”
“Exactly, my point is… you need this time as much as any other crew member. No one will judge you for prioritising your needs for a change… but they may disconnect with you if they start to see you struggle.”
Naomi nodded; Tom’s advice resonated with her own thoughts on the matter, though she still felt it was important to let the crew go first. “What about you?” she asked. “Have you made an appointment yet?”
Tom sighed, “Got my first session this evening. Have to admit, I’m a little nervous about what to expect.”
“You’ll have to let me know how it goes.” Naomi paused. “Alright, I’ll link in with Doctor Johansen later and see when she can fit me in.”
“Good choice, and in the meantime… if you need someone to bounce some thoughts off, you know where to find me.” Tom offered sincerely.
Naomi thought about it for a moment; she’d grown close to her XO since she took command but had always maintained a sort of professional barrier. Perhaps in the circumstances, that barrier was no longer necessary or proportionate. “You know what?” she said impulsively as Tom turned away, “what are you doing for lunch?”
“Honestly… no plans. Why?”
“Stay for a bit?” Naomi asked awkwardly. She somehow felt like a teenager asking the football captain out on a date, butterflies in her stomach and all, as she ignored her anxiety and followed her instincts. That’s not to say her intentions were anything beyond platonic; she suddenly realised she had very few true friends aboard. It was time she changed that, and Tom had stood by her from day one; if there was anyone she could confide in, it was him.
“Sure thing.” Tom smiled.
