“Anndd…all good.” Amira let out a huff as she finalized Jetta’s checkup, giving her a smile. “You’re in good health, Captain.”

“Thank the stars,” Jetta let out a sigh of relief as she sat upright. “Finally being at Eleven is putting my mind at ease, especially with the Morro Bay being repaired.”

“I actually wanted to ask you about someone.” Amira spoke as she started to put the tools away, organized as always. “Ensign M’Hark-”

“I already spoke with him.” Jetta rolled her eyes. “He is still suspended for a little while. It’s not like he can do no wrong–he did still defy orders. But, it’s moreso for his wellbeing for a little while. Everyone needs a break.”

“Understood.” Is all Amira said. She knew not to press further. “How about you?”

“Hm?”

“What are you planning to do to relax?”

“Er-” Jetta rubbed the back of her neck, looking around. “Well, I have to get a promotion ceremony in order soon. I’ve been approved to promote a multitude of people. Then start looking at the full assessment of the Morro Bay’s injuries, and then-”

“Jetta.” The doctor raised an unamused brow. “You cannot seriously see how wrong this sounds?”

“Ugrhhrhrhhh..I know.” She slumped into the chair. “But I’m the Captain. It’s whats expected.”

“Are you not happy with being a Captain?” Amira sounded more concerned than anything. Jetta shook her head no, fully sitting up once again and looking at her doctor.

“God, no. I love it. I feel more at home with this than I do anything.” She got a small smile on her face. “I’m more in sync with my life and myself than I ever have been. I think it’s just…”

“The people you lost.”

“Yeah, that.”

“Okay.” Amira sighed, placing the tools down and sitting on the bed. She grasped Jetta’s hands and looked directly into her tired, weary eyes. “I’m going to tell you something nobody told me–or anyone else–going into this line of work.”

“Okay…?”

“You will never be able to always save everyone.” She squeezed her hands, voice soft. “Someone will have to lose most of the time.”

“But-”

“No buts. Jetta, we’re in deep space. Lightyears and billions of miles away from home.” Amira rubbed a thumb over her knuckles. “The truth is, even at 2402, we’re in our infancy. Places still uncharted, things still waiting to happen, people we do not know.”

“But our mission is to…do all of that. Explore. Understand.” Jetta cocked her head to the side.

“And we are taking our first steps. Crawling, at the least. We will never get it right the first time.” Amira gently slid her hands out of Jetta’s, looking to the ground. “I wish I could save everyone–and sometimes, I have. But a majority of the time…?”

“Do you uh,” Jetta shifted a bit. “Remember the first person you lost…?”

“Lieutenant Junior Grade An’lyv Poccosted.” Amira replied almost instantly. “Poor guy had been attacked by some sort of alien–my scanings could never read what–and he was just decaying. By the time I had something, he was gone.”

A silence hung in the air for a while. Amira looked genuinely distraught as she recounted the events, steadying her shaking hands. To Jetta, her losing someone was…near impossible. Almost every time (keyword almost) someone had gotten injured or close to dying, Doctor Sullivan had saved them. The files proved it!

“It took me five years to get the guilt to stop eating me during work. Six to move on.” She offered a sad smile to Jetta.

“I’m so sorry, Amira.” Jetta reached a hand out to hold her shoulder, squeezing it.

“It’s fine. You know what I did the night that happened?”

“What?”

“I trashed my room. Screamed at anyone, cried, blamed anyone and everything. But after that, I picked myself off the bathroom floor…” She stood upwards, lifting Jetta up and brushing off her shoulders. “…brushed my shoulders off, and told myself that in every power I have, I will not let this happen again.”

“But it has.”

“Yes.” She sighed. “It’s happened plenty of times. But that’s part of our job. I’m not telling you to not feel or try your absolute best for everyone and your crew, Jetta. But I am telling you that this will happen, and it will most likely happen again. When? I can’t say.”

“…I understand.” Jetta stood up straighter, fixing her posture. “But I will do everything in my damn power to make sure it won’t.”

“I expect nothing less, Captain.” She chuckled, fixing a stray strand of Jetta’s hair. “Now, you have a few hours to catch up on, no?”

“Oh! Yes, I do.” She beamed, quickly making a B-line for the door. Before she left, she turned back to Amira and mouthed a ‘thank you’. Shortly after the doors closed, Amira sat back down on one of the beds, taking a deep inhale, and deep exhale.

“Back to work, Sullivan.” She spoke to herself. “You can rest when everyone else has.”