As he walked towards the counselor’s office during his first day at Starfleet Academy, hands clasped behind his back, Yajat was thinking to himself about his past and how it had shaped him. He waited outside the counselor’s office, hoping that the one medical secret he withheld would not get exposed to the public…

Lieutenant Seta had seen it all – especially in first-year cadets. Those who were struggling to cope with the high expectations of Starfleet Academy, those who missed their homes and families more than they had anticipated, and those who didn’t get along with their roommates. 

It was one of the reasons she enjoyed working with cadets – challenges certainly came in different shapes, but were almost always manageable. 

She looked up from the PADD she had been reading when the doors to her office hissed open, and revealed a young man – human, from what his medical record told her. She offered a soft smile, and rose from her chair to shake his hand. It was a human custom she had learned only recently, and was eager to try. 

“You must be Mister Shamji. Thank you for coming.”, she said, watching his reaction attentively.

Yajat simply took a seat, his face calculating and cold. Seta made a note of that.

“Counselor… Jinean, I believe?”, he asked, having asked for her identity beforehand.

Seta nodded. “Yes. Please, take a seat.”

Yajat slowly walked over to the seat.

She waited for Yajat to get comfortable, reaching for her own cup of tea, and letting the silence between them linger for just a moment. She wanted to give him the opportunity to fill it.

Yajat spoke. “So, Counselor, I presume you know why this appointment was booked?”, he said coldly. Sure, he was being curt and it sounded as if he was being rude, but it was just because he was near-emotionless – rudeness and curtness generally don’t register in his mind or vocabulary at all.

“I do.”, Seta smiled. She did not seem to be bothered by his demeanour – but the Cadet unsettled her. Most of them, especially on their first day, were overwhelmed and either couldn’t stop talking, or didn’t get a word out. . “But how about you tell me in your own words why it’s important?”

Yajat said: “Honestly, not sure. I personally feel… numb. As if the weight of an anvil forged from the heart of a supernova is suppressing my emotions.”

“Does that bother you?” Seta asked carefully. “If you look at your everyday life, is it something that causes distress?”

Yajat looked at the counselor, his eyes suddenly turning as lifeless as a black hole. “No. In fact, the metaphorical anvil is the reason I live. It also doesn’t interfere in my everyday life and I am content with that.”

Seta leaned back in her chair, making a point of maintaining a relaxed posture. “Have you always been that way?”

Yajat says, with a calculating and cold undertone: “Not always, but I would never change anything. If anything, I’d find a way to make the metaphorical anvil heavier – maybe have it forged out of a neutron star instead of a supernova.”. He then pulls out an old relic of Earth’s past: a notebook. He quickly flicked through it, pointed at a page before closing it. “Yes, a neutron star instead of a supernova.”, he reaffirmed.

Seta tilted her head. She hadn’t seen anything resembling paper in several years now.

“Then, why are you here?” she asked. “From what I hear, you do not wish to change anything and you say that it does not negatively affect your life-….”

Yajat instantly shoots back with a cold tone: “What are you suggesting?”

“I am not suggesting anything – you didn’t let me finish. I am asking why you are here.”

Yajat, still having that cold undertone, spoke: “Apologies for the abrupt cut through your conversation, Counselor. As for why I am here…”. He pulled out a 2nd notebook and just stared at it before opening it and looking in it slowly for a bit before putting it away. “I suppose you could say I am here to correct my near-emotionlessness.”, he said, his calculated tone now more prominent than his cold tone.

She nodded. “And what you were feeling just now, when you interrupted me – was that numb? It sounded an awful lot like anger or frustration to me.”

Yajat just crossed his arms and tapped his fingers before saying: ”The metaphorical anvil isn’t successful – hence my mentioning of how I wish to increase its weight.”

“What is it that appeals to you about being devoid of any emotion?” Seta asked patiently.

Yajat smirked before saying: “I am a man of mathematics and formal sciences, Counselor. Emotions are akin to a malignant cancer I want rid of.”, the last sentence having a dangerous tone and undercurrent.

To herself, Seta thought that the more likely description was that he was a man who didn’t belong in Starfleet, and she would have to consult his record to see who had done the initial psychological evaluation… and suggest they retake their counseling training.

“Why?”, she asked, making another note on her PADD, probably scheduling Yajat for weekly, if not daily, counseling sessions.

Yajat just sighed and paced the room – did he really want to recount the day again? He has said it to at least 20 different people in 2 weeks prior to his admittance in the Academy. He then sees something and quickly sets up his mini-telescope that he kept in a small bag. He then went to a promenade viewable from Sickbay to see the thing his eyes caught – the library nearby pulling out old-fashioned books, pens, and sheets of paper. A small smile crept over him as he saw the sight unfold. Unbeknownst to Yajat, Seta was looking…

Which was odd, considering they were in the middle of a counselling session. Seta tensed.

“I do not think I have ever seen another cadet carrying… this… with them.”, she noted.

Yajat then held the mini-telescope up – it was small enough that he could hold it but had a high enough refraction index such that he could see through it as if he set up an actual telescope. Silver, copper, gold and a few other precious metals were used in the construction of it. It was a work of art.

“I will be honest with you.”, Seta sighed and rose from her chair. She was very much looking forward to ending this conversation. “I will recommend your removal from Starfleet Academy unless you are willing to work on whatever it is that causes your desire to be numb and emotionless.” A pause. “Describing emotions as malignant cancer is against everything we believe in, and against the strides we have made in understanding mental health. I believe you need help.”

Yajat disassembled the mini-telescope and put it in his bag before coldly saying: “So, I have to reveal it.”

“What is it you have to reveal?”, she asked. She was unsure if there could be anything that justified his behaviour.

Yajat sat down before he spoke. “The reason why the hypothetical anvil exists in the first place. Why I’m pretty much near-emotionless.”

“Tell me.”, she prompted. “But please be aware that wherever this comes from does not mean that you do not need help.”

Yajat said scornfully, showing Seta the smallest slice of his past: “Help never existed for me before Starfleet, I warn you – this story is long.” He then straightened himself. “Are you sure you want to hear this? You’ll be the 21st person who hears this over the past 2 weeks and the first person to hear this after my admittance into the Academy.”, he said, having shifted to a dark tone and undercurrent…

“I do.”, she nodded, letting him talk.

Yajat sighed. “Very well. But I warned you. I was never liked or even appreciated growing up. Simple bullying, at first. Then it got progressively worse because of my intellect and my… technical creativity and unconventional methods, you can say. The real problem was a group of ‘power teens’, as I like to call them. This is because, well, their parents were extremely influential and would have kicked me out of my education at any point. Their leader was a tall, strong, athletic and blond boy named Eric Bergvall. One day, they tortured me, to be blunt. Once they were done, I just took out my custom phaser, which I had built myself. They weren’t banned in my country, mainly because I had a special order for self-defence usage issued by my part-time job at a research facility and put it on the lowest stun setting possible, which is lower than Starfleet’s. I then knocked Eric out cold. The others ran seeing that, I think. I then collapsed and woke up in hospital after what felt like an eternity, saying I should have died and I was lucky to be alive. Once I was done, I found out the 16 kids had their parents file a court case against me for several false charges. Fought tooth-and-nail for 3 months just to win the case against improbable odds – the manipulated story was a concoction and a half. The media trusted them. Got cut off from the outside world – even my family disowned me emotionally. To this day, I never socialise and my emotions suffer because of that day.”

Seta leaned back in her chair – after making a note about the unauthorized weapons usage.  “That sounds unfair. And I think it gives an explanation as to why you feel the way you do. But this is Starfleet. Academy admissions are reserved for the best of the best – you are among people like you.”

Yajat stared at Seta before saying: “I will see for myself whether Starfleet Academy gives what I need and want.”

“But I need you to acknowledge that it isn’t right, and it’s not healthy. Emotions will always be a part of you – you are not Vulcan, and you are not an Android. And if you keep hating that emotional part of you, you turn that hatred towards yourself.”

Yajat spoke: “The hatred is channeled into something positive, Counsellor. Never towards myself. It was simple to do, given I channeled other emotions into my work before. Otherwise, dissipation is what happens to the unchanneled hatred – that extends to any emotion.”

She shook her head. “No one will require you to be ‘like the others’. But you need to get better. And that will need work. A lot of work.”

Yajat just looked at her for a while. Then, he said: “Needing to get better won’t happen – believe me. I almost made it worse for myself. But I can suppress it a little better, I suppose. I can’t guarantee anything else.”

“Well, until you do, I will make the recommendation as mentioned before. I will refer you to a specialist, perhaps they can help. Is there anything else you would like to talk about at the moment?”

Yajat said: “No. No, I do not. However, in terms of suggestions, one of the few relatives I was in contact with till his late demise suggested I get an emotional support mechanism in the form of a pet. Do you have any recommendations for me, Counselor Jinean?”

“A pet?” Seta sounded surprised. “I am unable to stop you from getting one, but pets need an emotional connection. And I believe having a pet that needs your attention would interfere with the many, many counseling sessions you will be having if you intend on getting the chance to remain part of Starfleet.”

Yajat said: “As far as having an emotional connection is concerned, I told them I don’t have it in me. But he insisted that I do it for him, if not for myself. In regards to Starfleet progression, you’ll find my research methods will allow me to find the pet that’ll give minimal resistance for counseling sessions.”

“Mister Yajat.”, Seta said, her voice firmer now. “I would like to end the session here. I will recommend you be suspended from classes, for the time being, and connect you with a specialist.”

Yajat stared at the Counselor. He knew he couldn’t do anything else. “Very well. But, I will say this – suspension from my Academy classes won’t affect me.”, he spoke with a stern tone. He then left the office, partially satisfied in his mind…

Once the door had hissed shut behind him, Seta took a deep breath. This was unlike anything she had encountered before, and she was worried – not just for Yajat, but also the safety of those he would be working with.

Back at his quarters, as Yajat was sitting down, he suddenly had immense pain from where his heart was. He quickly grabbed a tiny tool from his bag and pressed the region around his heart in a random way. But, then, it opened up, revealing a quantum cybernetic heart – the medical secret he was trying to hide. He got to work unjamming some quantum chips using the tool before closing it and putting the tool away hastily. His breathing was ragged, but he was fine for now. “Thank goodness – 2 more minutes in the Counselor’s office, and I swear, I’d be the talk of the town.”, he muttered under his breath. But he only knew it was a matter of time before his secret – the heart he designed from scratch to save his own life  – was out in the public…