Lieutenant Commander Jonathan Keller could barely comprehend that he was only Jonathan Keller now. Being part of Starfleet had always been his dream, his calling,  and he had worked tirelessly to achieve it. 

First, by studying for months on end to succeed in the entry exam. Then, by making the right friends and prioritizing the right activities through his Academy training. And lastly, his ascension through the ranks that had led him where he was now.  Or rather, where he had been mere hours ago. 

Even when Ricarda had been pregnant with their first child, he had argued against leaving Starfleet. He had known that it wasn’t safe as such, but hadn’t quite been willing to give up on something that had accompanied him through half his life.

Now, the idea of leaving the Callisto behind, was pleasing to him. He was not only retiring from Starfleet, but from the life he knew. Starting a new chapter, one that promised to be filled with the safety and happiness he craved. 

Jonathan hadn’t told his children yet. They were both young and this was all they knew. He wanted to pretend that he would take their concerns into consideration, but truthfully, he had already made up his mind.They were, after all, just children. Enchanted by the wonders of a galaxy that had yet to show how cruel it could truly be. 

That Captain Ceix had declined his request to be down to the planet hadn’t come as a surprise. Naeric had warned him about it, and he had advised him to remain calm, and that’s what Jonathan had done. Internally though, he had felt like lashing out, forcing his way down to Asada. He didn’t want to spend a single day longer on the Calisto.
Now confined to his quarters, and while his two boys were doing their homework, Jonathan found his usual spot in the living room. In his hand, the vial of amber liquid that by now only contained a last few drops. He had encountered the substance that triggered happy memories during one of their previous missions, and he had taken it in varying intervals – whenever things got too much, and when he missed Ricarda too dearly. 

“You do not need that”, said Naeric’s voice, gentle and melodic as the young man sat down next to Jonathan. 

“It’s just that one last time.” Jonathan wanted to argue, but didn’t. It wouldn’t have been a lie – the vial had barely more than one last reunion within it – but it didn’t feel truthful either.  

“What good memories of the past when you have such a bright future ahead of you?”, asked Naeric, and Jonathan turned to him. He was a young man whose features resembled those of a childhood friend Jonathan could barely remember. 

“I don’t think I can let her go. I need her advice and her guidance. She always knew what to do.”, he said quietly, lowering his gaze. 

“And you knew her so well that you know what she would advise you if she were here. But she is not. She is at peace now, and you deserve the same.”

Peace. Yes. That was what Jonathan wanted. For Ricarda, for his children – and for himself. 

“Do you think he will let me leave for Asada?”, he asked after a few moments of silence. 

“Yes.”, Naeric said with an incline of his head. “Very soon, he will not have a choice. There are many of us, and our leaving is written in the stars. He will understand, and he will follow.” 

Written in the stars? Had this come from anyone else, Jonathan would have made fun of such a colorful and utterly out of place metaphor. But from Naeric, it sounded wise. Like there was something bigger at play, something beyond human comprehension. 

“I don’t think the Captain would ever abandon his ship.” Jonathan argued. 

“It is not the walls that make a home, it is the people within it.

“So you are saying that the Captain is going to follow us?”

“The Captain already hears my call, but just like you were given the time you needed to make the decisions that you needed to make, Captain Ceix  will receive the same.” A pause. “He will come.”

“So you weren’t trying to make me feel better when you said that we would all still be together?”, Jonathan asked with the fleeting attempt of a smile. 

“I would never lie to you. It is what I have seen will happen, and which has happened before.”

Jonathan felt his jaw clench involuntarily. There were certain people he would prefer as far away as possible from him, and not part of his new life. 

“I don’t know if I want everyone there.”, he admitted eventually. 

“You speak of the Doctor you blame for the death of your wife. Please know that she is not responsible.”, Naeric replied softly, not flinching as Jonathan’s voice rose in response. 

“But she could have saved her!”

“She could not. I have seen her heart and I know that she tried. If anything, she is a kindred soul, sharing the same pain as you do.”

“I don’t think I can ever forgive her for failing us.”, Jonathan spat, and placed the vial on the table in front of him. 

“Eventually, I hope that you will be able to do that.”

What followed was a silence, and Jonathan felt his anger, this old hatred, dissipate with every breath he took. Eventually he turned back to Naeric. “So what happens now?”

“We wait.”

“I don’t like waiting.”

“If you want to help me, know that there are souls I cannot reach.”

Jonathan’s brows knit together in a frown. “Souls you cannot reach?”

“There are minds shrouded in darkness. I desire to be able to help them, as I have helped you. Will you reach them for me?”

“I don’t think I am the best person to try and reach people.”

“You share many of their experiences. Perhaps not the same, but similar nonetheless. You can relate to them in a way I cannot.”

Jonathan sighed. “I suppose I can try. But I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“You will not disappoint me. You are a torch in the darkness, and others will follow you to make their way back to the light.”

“But I am confined to quarters.  What could I possibly do from here?”

“You may not leave your quarters for now, but others can seek you out. You will help one person, and that person will help others, and those people will help others again.”

It sounded nice. It also sounded like something unlikely to happen, given how Jonathan had alienated most of the crew over the past few months. Most people couldn’t stand him, others outright hated him. 

But if Naeric thought he could help… 

“Who do you want me to invite?”, Jonathan asked cautiously. 

“I want you to invite the doctor.“

Jonathan nodded slowly, still not sure this was truly what he wanted to do. But then, he had come to Starfleet to help others – so perhaps this was his chance to do something good.