Arin was so shocked at Lavender’s outburst that she was unable to respond when Lavender walked out. She had spent time, cleaning, crying, and finally worked out so hard she pulled a hamstring. 

She showered and then changed into a duty uniform. She was due on the bridge soon anyway. With a little luck, it would be before Lavender’s duty shift. Hobbling into sickbay, the nurse on duty managed to get Arin in and on a bio-bed. 

The nurse was applying the muscle relaxer to her hamstring when Lavender walked. in.  Arin pants leg was rolled up exposing the leg for access. Looking up as the doors swished, Arin’s face fell from happy to unemotional. it was such a change the nurse looked up to see who had walked in. 

Breaking out of the mood, Arin ignored the new arrival and re-engaged the nurse in conversation, her face while not happy was more pleasant.

“Tala.” Lavender interrupted from her position between the door to sickbay and the door to her office and called the nurse over with a click of her fingers and pointing to the ground in front of her.  While this gesture was verging on rude, the C.M.O. wore a face like thunder and the nurse knew better than to disobey or complain at the mode of Lavender’s request and scurried over. The Sick Bay staff had largely adapted to their new C.M.O.. She was rough around the edges, but fair, rewarded good work and would always back her own staff and build them up.

“What’s up with Jones?” Lavender asked in a low voice.

“Pulled hamstring,” Tala responded quickly, on high alert.

“Treatment?”

“Asinolyathin and rest.” Lavender nodded.

“Good work, if you need anything let me know.” Lavender went back to her office to work on some admin and Tala returned to her patient, looking relieved.

When Tala sat back next to Arin, Arin offered, “That looked unpleasant. You okay? Anything I need to worry about?” Arin asked not revealing a thing. 

“Oh, no,” the nurse smiled. “Doctor Haigh runs a tight ship but she’s alright really.” She finished applying the medicine, seemingly unaware there could be anything more to the interaction. If she was aware she wasn’t showing it.

“There, rest it for forty-eight hours. If it’s more persistent come back in and we can relax it up a bit more for you. Just be careful moving now it might be a bit unpredictable.” 

Arin chuckled. “Luckily piloting a starship doesn’t require legwork, but I will rotate a few shifts around and keep it up.” Thanks, Tala.” Arin said genuinely. 

When she got up, she walked gingerly to Lavender’s office. She pressed the button and waited. Once getting a response, she slowly walked in, a bit sheepishly. “Can we talk for a sec? We both have duty and this won’t take a second.” Looking directly at Lavender, Arin said genuinely,  “I am sorry.” She paused for effect. Her Irish brogue was thicker when she spoke again, a sign she was emotional. “I know I can be a donkey, it was the site of you caught me unexpectedly and honestly shouldn’t have. You, Lavender Haigh, are the only woman I have ever loved and if I am going to blow up a relationship, can we make it something more spectacular than fruit and table manners?” She added, not knowing whether to cry or chuckle at the absurdity of the situation.  She did both. This, including everything Arin had just said was entirely unexpected for Lavender, who took a moment to adjust. She looked up from her somewhat imperious C.M.O.’s office chair behind the equally imperious desk. They both dwarfed her slim frame.

“I gotta be honest, I thought when we talked next you were gonna give me both barrels,” she exclaimed, gathering her thoughts. She had considered pointing out that her place of work wasn’t the place for personal conversations. She had considered a lot of things. Lavender had played twenty scenarios of how their next meeting would be in her head, in none of them had Arin apologised. Lavender exhaled loudly.

“Sit down for Pete’s sake, take the weight off that leg.”

Lavender was trying. It was Pete instead of fuck or God. She was trying.

“I uhhh… ok. I’m choosing my words carefully. I’m not used to these kinds of conversations. Which in itself is a whole other conversation. Thank you for apologising… I also want to apologise for overreacting, while what you said did hurt, my… screaming at you… was fuelled more by my general… state of post traumatic stress and lack of sleep. I… really hope that I don’t end up treating you like that again, because I think you’re…” Lavender smiled. “You’re quite something, Arin, genuinely. And something fantastic. But also, I hope you understand when I told you to expect broken that I really, really meant it. So when I say I really hope that I don’t end up treating you like that again I can’t guarantee anything because there’s a lot of neurosis there and it runs deep. I know I have a savage temper and I know I can’t always control it. If you’ll allow me some self-indulgent prattle for just a minute, the part of me that is still eight years old, the part that’s that girl who mostly ceased to be after I saw my asshole abusive father murder my mom, she’s appalled at what I did to you, what I said, but I don’t know how to un-be what I am. But if un-be-ing what I am saves you from some abuse from me…” 

Abuse from me. There it was. For the first time in her life Lavender saw through the eyes of her father. For the first time she in some small way understood his position. It was orders of magnitude different and yet the trauma she had been through had led to her screaming at the person she cared for the most. The doctor could see how one could love someone and also because of trauma or a lack of control treat them badly, that left unresolved and untreated, if fuelled by substance abuse she could one day become the very thing she hated the most, her father. Her face morphed from controlled concern to wide-eyed realisation and then abject horror. It was too much for her to bear. Lavender told the computer to lock the office door and enable the privacy glass in a shaky voice and, burying her head in her hands, started to weep.

“Arin… I’m sorry…!”

Walking over she surrounded Lavender in a hug, kissing the top of her head as she whispered softly in Lavender’s ear. “A shush anois, tá muid go breá, ceol m’anama.”  UTI:Shush now, we’re fine, the music of my soul.  

They rocked in place. “The realization I came to is that I WAS as broken as you and obviously, I still have my moments,” she said wiping away a tear and chuckling. “It isn’t something I want to go into now, but I will tell you that the Orion syndicate executed my mother. While I still have some composure.” She broke the hug long enough to replicate a box of tissues and a few baby wipes.

Dabbing at her eyes Arin continued, “To be honest, I was angry, but it was an outburst and since you don’t know all the history, added to we’re still learning each other’s quirks. Free pass. We’re adults. Usually.” 

 “Just remember it when I do something colossal stupid next time.” Taking the tissue and getting close to Lavender, she gently dabbed her eyes as she said, “Plus twist your thinking a bit. Is stained glass broken? You’re healing. The only thing broken about you is your pie-hole.” Arin offered with a snicker.

“I’ve got a very pretty pie-hole,” Lavender countered with a slight smile as more tears rolled down her cheeks. “It’s what comes out of it…” she added, with an “oh fuck what a mess…” thrown in for good measure, becoming more cognisant of the state she was in and reaching for the tissues to blow her nose.

“Let’s just forget about this huh?” She asked, looking at Arin hopefully, her dark makeup slightly panda’d from crying. “And one day, when there’s no chance of the ship being attacked we can get really really wasted and tell each other about all of the fucked up shit that’s happened to us. And we can drink my moonshine and that fancy Irish Whiskey you like. And I swear I’ll try to watch my manners. Old habits, y’know? I never wanted to change a thing for anyone. Never thought anyone was worth changing for ’til you.” Lavender looked away, afraid of the vulnerability this statement had brought to her.

“Deal.” Arin replied instantly. “And I never gave a feck about yer manners. I also do not want you to change, Lavender Haigh,” she said as Arin turned Lavender’s face directly so Arin could stare into the piercing eyes. Then added, “I want you to take all this pressure and stress, and I, the most unalike person you have ever met, will show you how to turn that all so you can be the diamond you were meant to be. Plus, yes you have a nice and pretty pie-hole. She added with a snicker.

“We should both get cleaned up.” She added moving into light laughter, the weight of recent hours now dropping like an orbital arc into weightlessness. 

“Yup,” Lavender agreed, looking very relieved. “Can you imagine the chat from this? ”Ooh the Orion went in her office and she set the privacy glass…” She pressed the top-right drawer of her desk and it sprang open revealing a raft of makeup supplies and a fold-out backlit mirror. This was opened on Lavender’s desk and she went about sorting the damage to her visage. “Oh and show me whatever coping mechanisms you want as long as they don’t involve small space-craft. Ooer,” she shuddered in her mirror and wiped off some black lines from her cheeks.

Grabbing a few wet wipes from a nearby container, Arin scrubbed vigorously, then used a few Kleenex to dab herself dry. Pulling a small lidded container she kept in a pocket, Arin then tapped a nearby console for mirror mode before touching up her lipstick. “It’ll have to do,” she said to herself, pinching her cheeks to add a splash of color. 

She offered the small tube-like long double-ended brush container to Lavender. On one end was sparking coral and the other was mauve-alous. She used the coral, knowing Lavender would look stunning in the Mauve. “What about land vehicles in a controlled environment?” Arin teased. 

Spotting a dermal regenerator, Arin toyed with it for a few seconds, before putting it down. “There has to be a better way to do makeup without a dedicated replicator-sized desk.” She said aloud, before turning to admire Lavender more. Lavender thanked her for the mauve but declined.

“I’m going to try a patch job,” she explained. ”A full redo would take a while. Getting me into small, powered vehicles will also take a while. And a bottle of Grappa. And an order. From an Admiral. Shit I’d actually rather be thrown in the brig. I’m a doctor, not a stunt driver. But y’know anything else would be fine. Anything at all. As long as it’s not something I don’t want to do. As for makeup i think there are little devices that can kinda beam it all on for you? But that takes out all the artistry. Took me years to perfect these eyes. But hey if I do ever get kicked out of Starfleet for being irrevocably broken in the head at least I have a backup career…” Lavender made a face in the mirror.

“Yeah, Loving me. Your new permanent career. ” Arin shot back immediately. “Plus you can drink all the crappa you want,” Arin said with her tongue sticking out and intentionally mispronouncing the grape skin liquor. Jalapeno margaritas or something. Plus stop saying broken. Let’s try…temporarily dispirited. My job, other than to love the hell out of you, apparently literally, is to re-spirit you. No one else is crushing you on my fecking watch.” She said, laying both arms on Lavender’s shoulders and kissing her lightly on the nose.

 “I have an idea for a nice relaxing event next time we get some holodeck time. Bring a swimsuit.” Hobbling over to Lavender, Arin said, “Love you, bye.” In an overly loud voice, then planted a thick kiss on Lavender’s cheek. “Ooo. I like the coral on you.” She teased. None had transferred to the Doctor’s face, Arin chucking as she watched Lavender look at the mirror in shock before relaxing.

“Troll… keep your voice down!” Lavender commented  testily as Arin headed out. Love. So Arin loved her. That was new. Ambivalence grabbed Lavender as she finished off her touch-ups. She’d never really dealt with people saying that before, at least not people she liked and respected. There had been some infatuation before aimed at her from a few people but this was entirely different. She couldn’t say it back yet and be honest. Hopefully that wouldn’t be a problem…