It was the middle of the night and Nilah was fast asleep in her quarters. This is where she spent most of her time as she’d been temporarily relieved of duty as she adjusted to the Derohl symbiont. She tossed and turned almost crying out in her sleep as she was having a nightmare of the moment Tajir was killed. After a while she shot up awake, sweating and breathing heavily as she just relived the moments up to his death. This was a new one, other dreams have been of other hosts and their memories which were a bit more pleasing compared to what she felt at that moment.

Sitting there for a bit longer trying to process everything, after awhile she got up out of bed she’d walked into the washroom turned on the water she splashed water on her face. Grabbing the towel next to the sink she patted her face dry and then looked up at the mirror that was hanging above. She almost didn’t recognize herself, she seemed to see the reflection of the three previous hosts.

Sazri Derohl was a scientist at the Trill Science Ministry who lead a simple life, never married, and died of old age. Dezi Derohl was an engineering officer within Starfleet, he died of injuries after trying to stop a warp core breach which was successfully stopped but not before a small explosion from a console sent him flying. He left behind a wife and two young children. Now Tajir Derohl who started his career in engineering and eventually worked his way up to Captain. Reliving what he had gone through just moments before the explosion that would end his life. Leaving a wife and their unborn child behind.

She continued to look in the mirror for a bit longer before closing her eyes for a brief moment before turning away. She eventually walked out into the living room and walked over to the window she looked out seeing worker bees busy with repairs outside the Gagarin. Sighing she decided she needed to get out of her quarters and take a walk on the station to help clear her mind. She had been relieved of duty temporarily to adjust to the symbiont, she was becoming restless.

After arriving on the station she looked around, wasn’t long ago that she was stationed on Starbase Bravo as an engineering officer working in the shipyard operations department. There were times she wished she stayed here, times she wished they never reassigned her to the Gagarin. Shaking her head at the thought she made her way to the station’s arboretum where she remembered spending most of her free time.

It felt so calming, which she thought would help calm her mind at this moment so she could try to get some sleep. She made her way through the corridors as officers that worked the gamma shift were going to their destinations. After a while of walking, she made it to the doors leading to the arboretum, entering she saw the familiar sights which she always enjoyed. Though most of it was holographic it looked as if it were real, from the waterfall to the trees and flowers to the birds flying around making sweet sounds.

Nilah began to walk down the walkway that was made to resemble a dirt path with stones a few inches apart. The sounds filled her ears as she started to feel calm the thoughts that once filled her mind started to subside. After she finished making her way around she noticed a bench just further up near the waterfall feature and she walked up to it sitting down.

Closing her eyes she continued to let the sounds soothe her, she didn’t hear a person approach her and sit down next to her. “Hey,” Azras said in a soft voice as she looked at Nilah with a soft smile. “You alright?” She asked being a fellow Trill and having gone through the joining process, she figured she be of some comfort and able to answer any questions she might have. She couldn’t sleep as well so she decided to come down here and happened to see Nilah sitting at the bench.

Opening her eyes she saw Azras Dex sitting there she bit her lip a bit as she shrugged looking down at the ground. “I don’t know things have been rough with adjustment,” Nilah admitted as she sat there. “The last few days I have been having these dreams that seem to be living dreams of the previous hosts.” Nilah added, “the one I had tonight ended up a nightmare as it seemed I was reliving what he went through up until the moment he died.” Nilah said with a sigh as she looked back at Azras.

“Does it ever get easier?” Nilah asked looking at Azras.

“It does,” Azras replied with a reassuring smile. “I remember when I first got joined many years ago, I went through the same thing. I began to question myself and my ability, but after a few weeks things settled down and the memories completely integrated into my mind and became one with myself.” Azras said looking at her as she placed a hand on hers giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Did anything help you to focus?” Nilah asked looking at her.

“Walks, meditating, and soft relaxing music had helped me work through the memories,” Azras said looking at her. “At least those helped me, you find what works for you and it seems that you found one thing.” She said as she looked around the arboretum which she had to admit was a lovely place and could be a calming place to be.

Nilah nodded as she looked down again thinking of her reassignment, Tilana had explained the reason why but she still didn’t seem to understand. She liked it on Gagarin and was just starting to make friends. “Why are you reassigning me to the Knight?” Nilah asked as she continued to look at the ground.

She didn’t mind her asking, she welcomed those under her command to question her if they didn’t quite understand orders even if they were not exactly on her ship but within her squadron. “Since Tajir was the Captain and now that you are carrying the Derohl symbiont I feel it’s for the best so that there is no.” She began as she paused to think of the right words, “conflict as they are still grieving the loss and we feel that they will not know how to act or they might begin to treat you differently. You need to be able to find your path and not live in the footsteps of Tajir,” Azras began to explain. 

“You will still be within the squadron and the Knight needs your expertise in engineering.” She added with a soft smile hoping she would understand that she wasn’t doing this to spite her or punish her.

Nilah sat there quietly as she began to think about what Azras had said, everything began to make sense. Working her jaw slightly she let out a sigh before looking back at the captain. “That does make sense, I am beginning to understand,” Nilah replied as she had so much on her mind. “Thank you,” she said with a smile.

“Anytime,” Azras said as she began to stand up to let her be before she stopped. “If you need anything I am always available,” she said as she wanted to help her work through this as much as she could. They had been through a lot over the last month and she cared about all those under her command.

“Thank you, sir,” Nilah said as she stood up as well.

“You may call me Azras when talking privately,” Azras corrected before she walked off out of the arboretum.

Nilah watched Azras leave as she began to think that she wasn’t like most commanders, it was reassuring that she would check up on her wellbeing. Though it did help that she was also a joined Trill and knew what she was going through which helped her feel more at ease. After a while, she began to walk out of the arboretum and head back to the Gagarin to hopefully get some sleep. Tomorrow she was due to report onboard the Knight.