The sun low turned the waves to gold as it stretched across the beachfront market. Lanterns flickered over stalls of fabrics, artisan jewellery, wood-carved figures. Somewhere, a busker strummed a jaunty tune, light and sharp above the hum of the crowd.
Valance thought it was kitschy and annoying, but it was on the way to the wine bar she was headed to with Airex, and neither had known it would pop up this evening. They moved as fast as the crowds could allow, though he was more prone to pausing at a stall, examining local curiosities.
‘They’re trash,’ Valance muttered once the stall was safely behind them.
‘It’s local art. Everything here was handmade with care and pride.’
‘That doesn’t mean it’s good.’
Airex shook his head with a light sigh. ‘Fine. Lead on. We’ll go drink wine instead.’
‘In a nice bar, with a view of the sunset. It’s hardly a hardship. I didn’t know I was tearing you away from an anthropological dive into the egregiously over-studied culture of Centaurian colonists.’
He raised his hands. ‘I won’t get distracted. But you’re wrong to call it over-studied…’
His explanation carried on, but she didn’t hear it, because ahead, where the promenade curved away from the sunset with the beach, was Cortez. She shouldn’t have been easy to spot, just another officer on shore leave, casual and dressed down, but it was like Valance’s eyes had been trained to find her. She was leaning against the rail overlooking the beach, holding a paper cup with some frozen treat, laughing at something said by the woman beside her.
Valance swallowed and tried to remember if she’d ever sounded that carefree in her laughter with her.
‘Or,’ said Airex, noticing, ‘we take the shortcut through the alleyways.’
She let him steer them away from the shoreside, into the roads and depths of Port Faran, away from the market, without really thinking about it. ‘Was that Varel, from the Scylla?’
‘I think it was Yehl, from the Redemption,’ Airex said with an audible sigh. ‘They’re both engineers, maybe they’re -’
‘Don’t.’ Justification didn’t help, because it didn’t matter if it was a work meeting on the shoreside or an engagement party. It was the stab in the gut at the sight of them that really mattered.
Airex worked his jaw, and she didn’t know if it was stepping away from the sunset-soaked market or the topic that made his shoulders seem more tense. ‘I saw Rivera was in town.’
‘On and off.’ She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his look. ‘It’s still not serious between us. I can be uncomfortable at seeing Isa with someone else just because I occasionally spend time with Olivia.’
‘Occasionally – it’s been on-and-off for over six months.’
‘And more off than on. We’ve hardly been in the same place at the same time.’
Airex’s voice turned lighter. ‘Do you want it to be on?’
The alleyway opened up to a small square, a stone fountain bubbling in the middle. They’d stepped far away enough from the waterfront by now to find themselves in quiet streets. Out in the open, she stopped and turned to him, chest tight. ‘Isa left me.’
He paused at that. ‘There’s an argument that you left her for the Pathfinder.’
‘I mean after that. When she was stuck with us last year on our trip back from the far end of Romulan space. I was making real work in patching us back together, and she…’ Valance looked away. Even a year later, the words were fresh, the wounds badly bound.
I’m done trying to fix you.
‘You tried to angle to get her back aboard Endeavour,’ Airex pointed out. ‘When she’s settled well into her SCE role.’
‘That’s her choice. Maybe Pathfinder was mine, but that makes us even. Why are you trying to paint me as the villain here?’
They had been friends for a long time. But for much of that time, the foundation of their relationship had been built around a refusal to pry into each others’ business. They could be themselves around each other, anti-social and emotionally withdrawn and never demanding anything the other wasn’t prepared to offer. Then they’d changed, one or both of them, Valance no longer the walled-off officer she’d been under Captain MacCallister, Airex coming to terms with his past lives’ actions and misdeeds. They’d never quite found their balance again since.
Now, even as he pried at things she didn’t want to think about, he sighed again like she was the problem. ‘I’m not trying to paint anyone as the villain. Relationships are more complicated than that. But you look like you’re in pain every time you see her, and that just… hasn’t changed for months, Karana. I’m trying to -’
She cut him off. ‘We should get to the bar.’
It was Portside, the same place she’d met up with Rivera a few days ago, though she didn’t let that thought linger as they pulled up chairs by one of the curving alcoves where the view chased the sun beyond the ocean horizon.
‘There was something I wanted to talk about,’ she said at last, breaking the awkward silence that had followed their trail here. ‘The Liberty.’
Airex’s brow furrowed – then cleared. ‘Oh, yes. Don’t worry, I turned down the XO post; Ranicus will be a good match for Galcyon. Science background but with a lot more command and tactical experience if they run into trouble.’
‘I recommended you for it.’ The server brought them a fine bottle of chilled white, which she’d ordered with a petty awareness that Airex much preferred red. So did she, truth be told, but it was warm and she was annoyed.
The frown returned. ‘Why?’
‘It’s a science ship headed for deep-space exploration. Forget Ranicus; you’d complement Galcyon very well. It wouldn’t take you away from study and research, it’s be a great next step on your career -’
‘You didn’t even ask me?’ A blend of confusion and betrayal dripped off his voice. ‘I’m sorry, Karana, I’d have told you not to waste your time on the recommendation.’
‘It’s not a waste of time,’ she said, swallowing impatience. ‘It’s my job to help my staff with career progression. And yours has – well – stuttered.’
‘Stuttered.’ The echo was a trap, but she’d helped make it, and plunged on.
‘You are the only member of the senior staff who hasn’t had a sniff of career progression in five years. Still in the same rank, same posting -’
‘With a two-year break to serve Fourth Fleet Intelligence – oh, and Endeavour’s not the gunboat I joined in 2397, she’s an advanced Constitution III-class starship.’
‘Lindgren’s moved to more responsibility, Thawn’s gone down the engineering track, both have been promoted; Kharth’s moved to command, promoted twice. And Isa… yes.’ Swallowing bitterness, Valance shrugged. ‘Was with us for a few years and now runs SCE operations for the whole squadron with her own ship to boss around.’
‘What is this?’ Airex leaned forward, blue eyes locking onto her with suspicion. ‘Are you, what, trying to get rid of me? You’re having some sort of emotional implosion and you want me at arm’s length so I don’t stop you -’
Despite herself, a wry chuckle escaped her throat, inextricably laced with guilt. ‘Dav, I don’t need to get rid of you to keep you at arm’s length; you’ve kept yourself there fine.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘What’s keeping you on Endeavour?’ She tried to keep her voice more even, sincere. ‘You wouldn’t stay for me. I didn’t keep you here before, and you didn’t come back to me. I know I said I don’t want to talk about me and Olivia, but as you say, that’s been going on for a while and this was your first time even attempting to put me under the cosh about it. You’re staying so you and I can… drink wine and avoid any topic of substance?’
Across the bar, someone popped a loud cork of champagne to raucous cheers. That was not what made Airex’s shoulders tense. ‘Is that why you recommended me? Because I haven’t been a good enough friend to you?’
She had wanted him to pry, she realised. Valance knew she was her own worst enemy with talking about her feelings. Endeavour’s last counsellor, Greg Carraway, had taken years to learn how to get under her skin, and she’d learnt enough about avoiding him to keep Dhanesh at bay these past months. Indignant as she’d been at his earlier line of enquiry, some part of her knew she needed someone to push her, and for months it hadn’t been him: her best friend.
‘Of course not,’ she sighed. ‘I’m not denying my culpability here. But since you came back, you’ve been… going through the motions. And if I look in pain every time I see Isa, you look in pain every time you see Kharth and Logan, except you’re assigned to the same ship so that happens more or less every day.’
He scratched his nose, looking away at the tumbling view. ‘It’s not a good time to move on,’ was all he said at last.
It was her turn to pry, which meant she remembered why neither of them did it: mutually assured destruction. If she started kicking open the doors he was closing, he’d retaliate, and rightly so. Then she might have to think about things she had been studiously avoiding.
She reached for the wine instead. ‘I suppose it’s shore leave, anyway,’ she said after a beat, and refilled his glass. ‘I don’t want to spend it finding a new science officer.’
‘No,’ said Airex softly, relaxing as his gaze returned to her. ‘No, that would be a sorry way to spend a vacation.’