Tanna had been enjoying her new roommate’s company, as much as she could. It was still weird, but Laura was polite and funny. She had helped Tanna unpack, excited at all the old earth memorabilia Tanna had brought with her. After about an hour or so of rearranging, the comm panel started pinging, and the computer’s voice filled the common area.

Ensign Irovin, please report to sick bay for onboarding check-up it said, in its usual monotonous way.

“Well, I knew that was coming eventually,” Tanna said, opening a small door beside her bunk and removing a clean uniform from it. “Hopefully it doesn’t take too long.” Within a minute or two she was back in uniform and headed up to sickbay. Here we go, she thought as she walked along the corridor, I suppose the doctor is going to ask all about my shoulder. I don’t like telling that story. She made it to the doors of sickbay, took a deep breath, and stepped through them. “Hello?” She said loudly, “Ensign Irovin her for my check-up?”

“Ah yes, Ensign! Please come in!” Selara replied, motioning Tanna to a nearby biobed. “A fellow woman of science, I like you already,” Selara smiled. Tanna being a science officer wasn’t a surprise, Selara had already reviewed her profile. However, it was a good icebreaker. “I’m glad you were so prompt. Usually, I have to hunt people down and threaten to relieve them of duty, the whole rigmarole” she exaggeratively gestured. “Regardless, thank you.”

Tanna sat down on the biobed, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. The Cromwell’s doctor has been such a stuffy man, always impatient and mildly rude, despite his level of care and concern for his crew. “My old captain used to call me obsessively punctual,” she said with a small chuckle. “I was once a minute late, and he made a point of sending a security team to my lab to ‘make sure I was still alive'”.  She added, putting her hands up and making air quotes. “I do very much enjoy what I do, and being on time for medical appointments lets me do that unhindered.”

“I took the liberty of pulling your medical records from the Cromwell,” Selara said, studying a nearby PADD. “I imagine it’s quite the jump from a Nova-class. So my first question is, how many times have you gotten lost?” She chuckled as she picked up the tricorder.

Tanna chuckled again. “Well, I’ve only been on board a few hours, so I’ve had the computer hold my hand through most of my journey so far. Plus, the Captain was there to greet me when I arrived, which I thought was kind of weird, does she do that for everyone?”

“I think so,” Selara chuckled, methodically moving the probe about Tanna’s body. “She strikes me as a more hands-on captain. I’ll admit it is welcoming, if not a little odd,” She shrugged and continued her scan.

“Well luckily for me,” Tanna continued, “I had her help for the first bit as well. I did still manage to mess up getting to my new quarters, though, and wound up walking into a storage room filled with scanners and tricorders” The ease at which Tanna felt words coming to her lifted her spirits. Talking with her crewmates aboard the Cromwell had been such a chore at the end, with all the looks of pity or suppressed rage she received. The Valkyrie, in comparison, was full of cheerful, welcoming faces, and that was a good thing. “How am I looking, doctor?” She asked.

“I should have had you grab one. We just sent one in for repairs,” Selara chuckled. “Things are looking good,” she spoke while moving her attention between the tricorder, PADD, and Tanna. “Your body has responded well to the implants,” Selara made one more pass over Tanna’s right side and studied the tricorder. She replaced the tricorder’s probe. “How is your body physically adjusting to the graft? Any pain or range of motion hindrance?”

“Yes, sometimes I have trouble lifting my arm above my head,” Tanna replied, letting out a deep sigh. “And my fingers tingle for a good five minutes after I use a transporter.” She fought back tears as she spoke, her words catching in her throat for a moment. “If you’ve read my file, then you know how I got it.” That’s actually a relief, she thought, “Sometimes, I wish the explosion had just killed me. I hate this thing.”

Selara was putting away her equipment and stopped. “It’s natural to carry a bit of regr-.”

Tanna was crying now, letting the tears stream down her cheeks. “It’s hard to have people who lost loved ones look at you, a survivor, and hate you for being alive, like you’re personally responsible for their loved ones’ death. Or, to look at you like you’re a victim, and walk on eggshells around you, constantly asking ‘How are you doing?’ or ‘Are you okay?’ No! No, I’m not okay, god damn it! And then to be stuck with this?” She gestured to her shoulder. “People called me Borg. They either hated me, or they pitied me, and both are equally terrible.” She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry, Doctor. I should be talking to the counselor about all of this, not dumping it on you.” She gave her head a shake, and looked into the Doctor’s eyes, her own still wet with tears. “I’ll be alright. Everyone seems really nice here, and few know what happened, so, hopefully, I won’t have to deal with the looks as much.” She smiled and added “And if I find myself in that closet again, I’ll make sure to grab you a few tricorders.”

Selara listened intently, already having pulled up a chair and sat down. She met Tanna’s eyes, “Early in my career, I worked with a lot of Dominion War veterans. Most of them were merely surviving… some still are. It seems suffering is the universal tragedy,” she sighed. “These survivors would blame themselves and carry so much guilt because they missed death by a couple of centimeters.” She took Tanna’s hands into her own, “I have read your file about the incident, probably more in-depth than I needed. I never met Abigail, but I don’t believe she’d want her friend to suffer.”

“She wouldn’t want me to suffer.” Tanna repeated, “If I hadn’t convinced her to come with me to that planet, I wouldn’t be suffering.” She said, full of sadness and anger, “I would still have her, and we would still be on the Cromwell, and I wouldn’t be so alone, but I am, and I’m here, with nothing but a painful memory and a bunch of stupid hardware.”

Selara nodded in understanding, “In ancient times, cultures across the universe would carry talismans of the fallen. Typically they would carry them close to their hearts, thereby keeping the memories alive. And that’s my challenge to you.” She pulled her hands away. “Don’t think of your grafts as burdens, but remembrances. You carry your friend here,” she pointed to Tanna’s rib. “Here,” pointing to her collarbone. “And here,” finally to her shoulder. “These things don’t make you weak Ensign, on the contrary!” Selara smiled, “They make you stronger because you have the strength of your friend with you wherever you go.”

“I hope I can feel that way, one day,” Tanna said in a low voice. “For now, I’m going to focus on not doing this,” she said, making an exaggerated gesture at her tear-streaked face, “Every time someone looks my way, or asks me a question. I’m sure the strength is there, somewhere, I’m just not sure where yet.”

“I’m certain you will find it, one day,” Selara smiled warmly. “I’m going to put in a recommendation for a few sessions with Lieutenant Anderson.” She put up her hands to quell any protests, “All I ask is you give him a fair shake. If you don’t feel it’s helping, I’ll sign off the release.” She smiled, “And if you ever want to talk, I’ve been told I’m a sympathetic ear. And I’m going to hold you to those tricorders,” Selara chuckled.

“It would actually be good, I think, to speak to a professional about this,” Tanna said. She took another deep breath and let it all out, hoping it would lift her spirits a little and it did, sort of. She then smiled a little, and that helped too. “Now that I’ve finished my breakdown, what is your verdict? Am I fit for duty?” She asked.

“I believe you are, Ensign. Breakdown and all,” Selara chuckled.

“Thanks, Doctor,” Tanna said, sliding off the biobed. I’ll see you around.” Sher turned and headed back out the door, feeling much lighter than she had when she came in.