‘Commander.’

To set foot on the bridge and be addressed at once by the officer on watch was enough to make Kharth’s heart rate skyrocket again. Her eyes snapped up to Airex, stood in front of the central chair.

And found him smiling.

‘What?’ She managed to keep the snap from her voice and stepped up to join him. ‘We’re making good repair progress?’

‘We are, but Cortez is in the ready room with an update. No, something else.’ He inclined his head to the viewscreen, lips still curled. ‘We’ve got company.’

The words were still enough to twist her stomach, but she did look. For a moment, she couldn’t see anything but the coils of particle clouds and the drifting beauty of the stellar nursery. Then there was one gentle pulse of light.

‘Skippy?’ she said, before she saw a second pulse of light. And a third.

‘And friends. Looks like there was a herd after all.’

When they’d first seen the cosmozoan, she’d thought it an annoying distraction. A diversion from a fight for their lives. But the crew had rallied around Skippy as one good thing they’d found on the far side of the galaxy, and when push had come to shove, she couldn’t bring herself to leave the creature to die.

Airex leaned over to the armrest of the centre chair. ‘We’re still not great at interpreting the language. But they’re definitely trying to say something to us, and we think it’s affectionate.’

Kharth stared at the viewscreen. Swallowed. And murmured, ‘You’re welcome.’ She glanced up at him. ‘You should get some rest.’

‘Qadir’s going to relieve me soon. But Logan’s in sickbay, Thawn’s in engineering, Lindgren has definitely earned some downtime…’

‘So have you.’

‘And you.’

‘I’ll rest when I’ve spoken to Isa.’ She glanced to the ready room doors, not particularly eager to move on. Then she looked up at Airex, calm and collected, a rock she hadn’t known she needed nor had throughout all of this. And decided that talking to Cortez was preferable to lingering here and seeing what words escaped while she was tired. ‘Which I’ll go do now.’

The moment she set foot inside the ready room, she remembered why she hadn’t wanted to be there. Cortez stood behind the desk and looked up with a guilty start. ‘I wasn’t doing… uh…’

Kharth looked from her to the open desk drawer. Then gave an exaggerated shrug. ‘I’m not judging. Sorry for keeping you waiting.’ She padded over to join Cortez at the desk and found what she’d been staring at. ‘Oh, that old thing.’

Gingerly, Cortez reached in and pulled the silver pocket watch out of the drawer. ‘MacCallister gave it to her. She once told me it was…’ Her voice caught. ‘Said he gave it to her the day we met. Which isn’t really that weird when you consider how we met.’ Captain MacCallister, commander of the old USS Endeavour, had been forced to step down because of injuries sustained from a fight that had cost several of the crew their lives. Both Cortez and Kharth had been among the replacements.

Unsure what to say, Kharth shrugged. ‘I had a captain who liked compasses once. Not that they do much in space, but it’s all symbolic, isn’t it. Trust Valance to carry a symbol about being obsessively on time.’

Cortez gave a short, ragged laugh, then put the watch back in the drawer and closed it like it might burn. ‘Shit. Shit. I thought I was… I don’t know. Able to find the trail for the ship because I could find her. Stupid fantasies like that.’

‘We like telling ourselves those sorts of things. It gives hard stuff, bad stuff, meaning. Except often it doesn’t have meaning. It’s just harsh and cruel and hurts.’

‘Yeah. Yeah.’ Cortez set a hand upon the desk. ‘I don’t know if I get to feel like this – I left her. Because she kept putting this ship first. No, that’s not right – because she kept putting her way of doing things first. We’d have needed a compromise to work out, and she wasn’t about to compromise.’

‘I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.’

‘And when I left, I was shitty,’ Cortez hissed. ‘Threw things in her face, acted like she was broken, said things that I knew would hurt, really hurt, because I was hurting…’

‘Hey.’ Kharth put a hand on her shoulder. ‘Let’s not pretend Karana Valance wasn’t sometimes an ice-cold bitch who would rather set fire to a room than show a single emotion. I know you had to do a bunch of the emotional heavy lifting in the relationship. It’s okay to have limits. It’s okay to decide you’re not going to give any more if you’re not getting enough back.’

For one horrid moment, Kharth thought Cortez was going to cry. Then she shook herself, scrubbing her face with her hands. ‘Ugh. When did you get all wise? Did command change you? Are you Uncle Fluffy now?’

‘Definitely not. I think I have people for that.’

Cortez dropped her hands. ‘Right. Repairs. Been helping Thawn – she got really good, did you know that? I thought you guys were mad to move her over, but she’s really, really good. Give us twelve hours and we can weather Underspace back to the Sirius.’

‘Twelve hours. Wow. I might find out what sleep’s like again.’ Kharth looked her over. ‘You gonna be okay? I know you, you’ll probably lock yourself in Engineering and work through the whole thing.’

‘Oh, I’ll definitely do that.’ Cortez’s eyes scraped over the ready room. ‘Hell. I really did think I was going to find her and then, magically, things would be okay. I should have known the universe ain’t quite so nice.’ Before Kharth had to summon a response to that, she looked at the chair behind the desk. ‘You going to petition Rourke to take over?’

‘Definitely not,’ said Kharth before she could think. When she did think, she stood by it. ‘I’ve learnt enough about command the past few weeks to know I’m not ready for it yet.’

Cortez’s lips curled at last with a wry sadness. ‘Gotta learn to be Uncle Fluffy first?’

‘Something like that.’

They didn’t hug, mostly because Cortez didn’t initiate it and Kharth didn’t want to risk making her cry. But even if she wasn’t sure she’d helped Cortez, Kharth knew the conversation had settled her. Fatigue she’d been fighting off with a stick began to sink into her bones once she set foot on the turbolift, though she couldn’t let it swallow her whole. Not yet. There was still a spark in her, smoldering away, telling her she wasn’t done yet. And it wasn’t just the journey home.

Jack Logan looked confused when he opened the door to her quarters to find her there. ‘…hey. Shouldn’t you be workin’ or sleeping?’

‘How’s your arm?’ Banishing him to Sickbay had been one of her first moves once the Liberty had arrived, and the memory of that fired a fresh frustration. ‘We could have done something rather than you keeping your post with a broken bone…’

‘Oh, okay, this is a sympathy visit for morale?’ He looked nonplussed as she stepped past him and inside. ‘Doc says it’s fine now. Also gave me a tellin’ off. Not sure when I were supposed to grab the osteogenic regenerator in all of the near-dying we were doing.’ He watched her move to the middle of the room, then stop and glare at nothing. ‘You okay? Seeing as we nearly died and everything…’

‘I’m not thinking about that.’ Kharth frowned. ‘I mean, that’s not what’s on my mind. Because we got through it. Because we had a plan, and a team we could rely on, and because everyone trusted each other to pull through. And, I guess, because Lindgren has nerves of steel, but we sort of knew that.’

‘And because you got us through. You deserve credit for that – you know that, right?’ He padded over, head tilted. ‘Everyone played their part, but yours was bein’ in charge, where the buck stops, where everyone looks to pin all their hopes an’… you pulled us through.’

‘I’m not ignoring that, either. When I say “I had help,” I’m not trying to be humble.’ She turned to him, suddenly ridiculously nervous – but after the blinding terror of being nearly defeated and slaughtered by the Hirogen, nervous was almost welcome. The butterflies were a flutter that might make her feel sick, but they also made her feel alive. ‘I could get it done because of you.’

He winced, surprised, abashed. ‘Hey, it were a whole team -’

‘If I have to take credit for being in charge, you have to take credit for carrying me. The crew. Everyone. For making them feel listened to. For not…’ She hesitated, the nerves now coiling inconveniently tightly in her chest. ‘For supporting me. For showing me what I needed to do without telling me – without making me feel – like I was doing it wrong. Like I wasn’t enough.’

He faltered, too, surprised and unsure of his words. ‘You’re a firecracker, you know that? No, I mean – that sounds like all you do is fight. You care. I see that. You care so damn hard I know it burns you sometimes an’ you hide it. But it’s okay to show it, just a little. Even if it burns. Because when people see it? When I see it? It’s… inspiring.’

She couldn’t stop her first reaction, which was to look away and laugh. She held up an apologetic hand. ‘Sorry, I – thank you. I’m not laughing at you. Vor…’ She made a noise of frustration. ‘I… just came from a conversation where I reminded someone it’s okay to stop doing the emotional heavy lifting if you’re not getting anything back.’

Logan watched her. Out of uniform, in an old Academy t-shirt and jeans, he looked less like the stalwart officer who’d had her back for all this time. Despite the cortical implant at his brow, the remains of implants she could see at the inside of his elbow, peaking out from his collar, like this, here and now, he was not officer or Borg, but just a man. That made this harder in some ways.

‘I don’t get what you’re driving at,’ he admitted at last.

‘I’ve taken you for granted. Your attention. Your support. For months. And I figured there’d come a point you’d decide you weren’t getting enough out of me, and give up. Which means, because I’m an idiot, you didn’t get much out of me.’

His lips curled, gentle in his amused awareness. ‘Ahh. You fuck up pre-emptively so I can’t let you down. Maybe. I weren’t sure you were fucking up.’

Kharth swallowed. ‘Wasn’t I? Wasn’t I pushing you away? Giving you nothing for everything you did?’

Logan took a slow, swaggering step closer. ‘Nah. See, I just mentioned that I spot how you care, even though you hide it. Even though you oughta show it to people more, ‘cos it does everyone some good. But I noticed it.’ He tapped his nose in an exaggerated manner. ‘We’re all afraid of being hurt if we put ourselves out there. You ain’t that complicated, girl.’

It could have been condescending. But he spoke with such lightness, with his bright eyes locked on her in a way she couldn’t pull away from, that it sounded, instead, gentle. Accepting.

‘It would be pretty typical,’ mumbled Kharth, looking up at him, ‘if I chose to take offence at that as an excuse to push you away.’ Her hand came out, fingertips playing cautiously with the collar of his t-shirt. ‘…lucky for you, according to the Hirogen, I’m on a journey of self-discovery,’ she added. Then she stepped forward, leaned up, and kissed him.

She’d done it before. But that had been after Frontier Day, after she’d turned her back on Airex, and when she’d thought they were nothing more than ships passing in the night, never to see each other again. Before he’d become part of the crew, and continued with his quiet support, his dedication, his acceptance. Standing by her and guiding her without saying she was doing it wrong. Without saying she wasn’t enough. Saeihr Kharth was far too used to feeling like she wasn’t enough.

So this kiss was gentler, more careful – more apprehensive. A lingering touch, a cautious reaching out. At first, at least. For a moment. Perhaps two. Then he was reaching for her, wrapping his arms around her, cautious a little himself, likely wondering if she would run. If he’d push too hard and she’d slip away.

But when she sank into him instead, they both threw caution to the wind.

Eleven hours later, she was back on the bridge, in a better mood but not necessarily much better-rested. She exited the turbolift with an enormous mug of coffee in hand, and her first instinct was to glare at Kally’s enthusiastic greeting of, ‘Good morning, Commander!’

Kharth stopped herself. Gulped coffee. And said, ‘Good morning, Ensign. I really hope you got some sleep.’

‘Not much,’ Kally admitted bashfully. ‘I was – Skippy and the herd were around a bit, and I made some more attempts at communication. I think I was saying hello. They left a few hours later. But I wanted to see them off as… we’ll probably never see them again, will we?’

Kharth padded over to comms, shrugging. ‘Who knows? Maybe not. Probably not. Sorry.’

Kally shook her head. ‘We met them. We saved them. That’s what counts, right?’ But the young Ithenite winced. ‘I’m sorry. For pushing you when I thought you were going to leave Skippy to die. That wasn’t my place, Commander.’

‘I don’t know,’ mused Kharth. ‘I’m not sure I trust people who aren’t prepared to disagree with me. And anyway, you were right.’

Kally gave a relieved smile, though still looked a bit abashed. ‘I want you to know I respect you a lot, still, Commander. I mean, of course I do, you kept us all safe. And that’s the thing?’ Her voice was low, like this was a conspiratorial admission, and Kharth was relieved to think that few people were going to eavesdrop on what they’d assume was a simple update from a bridge officer. ‘You make people feel safe, Commander. And we’ve really needed that.’

For a moment, Kharth didn’t know what to say. Or where to look. She had another gulp of coffee, then cleared her throat. ‘Yeah. Well. I – good. I mean. You’re welcome.’ Not looking at Kally, she waved a clumsy hand. ‘Carry on, Ensign.’

To her credit, Kally just beamed. ‘Yes, Commander!’

Kharth turned away, eyes cautiously taking in the rest of the bridge crew, trying to gauge if they’d observed her express one of multiple feelings over a twenty-four-hour period. Everyone was focused on their jobs, though Airex looked a little suspiciously focused. She cleared her throat. ‘What’s our repair status?’

Athaka, at Ops, looked back. ‘Commander Thawn is running the final checks -’

But before he’d spoken, there had been a bleep from Science. After so many weeks of those heralding doom, Kharth had spun on her heel, looking at Airex, waiting even though she knew it was almost certainly nothing.

‘What the…’ But his expression did not reassure her as he looked up. ‘I’m getting some strange readings. From the Underspace aperture.’

‘Oh, hells.’ Kharth rounded on the viewscreen. ‘What now?’