They did not discuss where they would go once the dinner was over. The turbolift through the belly of Gateway Station carried them in silence; nor did they speak when they returned to Endeavour. Beckett didn’t say a word, grinding his teeth and glaring at the bulkhead, and Thawn made the executive decision to follow him to his quarters without discussion.

When the doors slid shut behind them, then the discussion started. ‘What in the Great Fire, Nate?’

Or, perhaps, the shouting.

He was tugging at his collar again, loosening it like it might have been choking, and yanked off his tie to throw it across the room. ‘What the hell right back at you!’ he barked. ‘Was that the plan all along?’

‘Was what the plan all along?’

‘Placate your aunt by selling me as a connection to my father!’ Even without shouting, the wave of fury, resentment, and guilt rushing off him was almost enough to stagger her.

‘Hold on.’ Thawn raised a hand. ‘What have I done wrong here? Because from where I’m standing, you came to dinner with my aunt and were then exceptionally rude.’

‘She was rude first! Making it perfectly clear that the only thing she cared about was how I could offer her political connections!’

‘Yes, the entire situation with my family is political!’ Thawn clenched her fists as she took an angry stomp towards him. ‘Have you been paying any attention, Nate?’

That made him pause, the outburst fading. The anger did not. ‘In what world,’ he said after a moment, jabbing a finger, ‘did you think I would be okay with buying your aunt off with access to my father?’

‘It doesn’t have to be access! All she needs is to feel she can swan around and say her niece is involved with an admiral’s son! And maybe we, I don’t know, go to dinner at Vandorin’s or something when we’re next at Bravo – Anatras doesn’t even need to be there!’

‘But you have to be there. We have to have dinner.’

‘You have dinner with your father at Bravo pretty much every time we go there, Nate, I don’t see what the problem is!’

‘That’s me navigating my family on my terms. Not your aunt’s.’

‘Okay, so you won’t do it for her.’ Thawn straightened, and felt her knees wobble with nerves. The anger hadn’t fully dissipated, giving her voice a hiss as she said, ‘Would you do it for me?’

‘What?’

‘I can tell my aunt to fuck off, basically. Technically, that’s a thing I can do. Tell her she has no control over me, no power over my life. Dissolve the arrangement in a way which causes he the maximum embarrassment, just to prove that I’m independent.’

‘I’m not asking you to do that,’ Beckett said in a dismissive rush. ‘Rhade is -’

‘Adamant is giving her a graceful dismount from the arrangement; she still comes out of this with less than she started. I thought we could pack her off for now with the idea that she gets a different political arrangement.’

Beckett shoved his hands in his pockets, the fury fading for more of a sulk. ‘And what,’ he muttered, dropping his gaze, ‘if I weren’t an admiral’s son, you’d…’

‘Don’t be stupid. I didn’t fall – I’m not here because of your connections!’ He caught the stumble of her words, straightened, tilted his head, but she wasn’t done being indignant. ‘I thought you might, maybe, be able to put your neuroses about your father to one side, just for a night!’

It was the wrong choice of words, his expression twisting with indignation. ‘Neuroses…’

‘I just mean – look, I know it’s hard! I know you have a tough relationship! But I’m not asking you to play nice with him and act like everything’s okay just to please my aunt! All I was asking was for you to nod and smile about it through one dinner.’

‘You didn’t ask,’ Beckett pointed out.

‘Perhaps I was afraid you’d get like this!’ She waved a hand at him. ‘Maybe I should have, yes, but is it so wild, Nate, for you to recognise that, again, I can’t just tell my family to bugger off? That maybe you could grit your teeth just a little so I can get through this just a little easier?’

‘That’s not fair,’ he snapped. ‘You let me be ambushed by this, and then you’re saying me being mad about being ambushed is why I wasn’t warned.’

‘Okay, but did you have to accuse my aunt of planning a political breeding programme? What the hell, Nate?’

‘That was – maybe that was a lot. But you’re asking me to -’

‘I am asking you to make this – the hardest thing I’ve ever done, going against everything I was ever raised to do, want, or think – easier.’ Anger was fading fast, and in its wake was a sucking fear. Thawn found herself wringing her fingers together. ‘I’m not asking you to arrange a photo-op between my aunt and your father, I’m not asking for family Federation Days together, I’m not asking you to misrepresent your relationship. But you do see your father. You do spend time with him. You are his son. Could you please try dropping the performative indifference around my aunt?’

His shoulders had slumped, his own anger not faded fully faded. But nor had the guilt risen to the top yet, too much hurt and indignation. ‘Performative indifference?’ he echoed, quieter, now, wounded.

‘I don’t… you know what I mean,’ she pleaded. ‘Please stop jumping to the worst of what I say, what anyone says. This isn’t easy for me. This would be a lot easier if you played along even slightly. I know you don’t want to.’ She bit her lip as he hesitated. ‘And honestly… that door might have closed with my aunt after tonight anyway.’

His expression had fallen. ‘Rosara, I just… I didn’t think I could give her what she wanted.’

‘I can’t give her what she wants, Nate. But I’m trying to compromise. Unlike you, I’d actually like a relationship with my family when this is all over.’ She took a step away. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t warn you, or anything. I didn’t know what my aunt was going to do, I just knew she liked that you’re an admiral’s son. But I think I’m going to have to do this the hard way, now.’

‘The hard way?’

‘The “rip the band-aid, cut all ties if necessary” way.’ Thawn’s jaw tightened. ‘Don’t worry, Nate. It’s not your problem anymore.’

‘Not my -’

‘You get what you want!’ She raised her hands, taking another step to the door. ‘Nobody compromises. You don’t have to make the slightest gesture towards your father. I disappoint my family. It’s just as well I’m doing this for me, Nate, because with this level of give-and-take…’ She gestured between them, frantic and sad and furious. ‘I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here.’

‘Rosara…’

‘Because whatever the hell we are is less important than you not sacrificing an inch about your father.’

His chin tilted up, gaze lost but challenged. Inhaling sharply through his nose, he then said, ‘What are we, then?’

‘I don’t -’

‘You said you’re not doing this for me, or us, you’re doing this for you. So what am I doing this for, Rosara?’

‘Don’t give me that,’ she snapped. ‘You’ve wondered all along if this was just a diversion, a brief affair, and that I’d fold the moment my family called me to heel. Do I look like I’m folding? I’m putting my money where my mouth is, Nate.’

‘That’s funny,’ said Beckett flatly. ‘Because I can’t hear a damn word out of your mouth of what you want from or feel for me.’

She gave a humourless laugh, looking up at the ceiling. ‘The really stupid thing? The person I could count on tonight to have my back and help me through one of the hardest things I’ve ever done?’ She tried to not blink, because her vision was swimming and she didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not now. ‘That was Adamant. Who I’m trying to not spend my life with. Good night, Nate. I’ll let you know when Anatras is gone.’

‘Rosara…’

But this time, she didn’t stop. Because she not only didn’t want to cry in front of him, not here and now. But that was the second time she’d come too close to giving him anything, conceding so much of an inch on her feelings and wants, when he’d made it perfectly clear he wasn’t going to give her anything if he didn’t have to.