After having a late dinner with his ex girlfriend and Academy sweetheart Catersha, Captain Kirok Skyrunner lay restlessly in his bed, struggling to sleep. He kept muttering words about something tragic from his past. His fits matched the intensity of what he must be seeing, not a dream but more like reliving the same nightmare over and over. All night long, he muttered in his sleep while being restless.

***

It was ship’s midnight and the USS Thunderdragon’s lounge, called “The Watering Hole” by our bartender, was eerily silent. Only one customer this late on a Sunday late night. Warp streaked stars flew past the forward facing windows of the lounge and barely added light to the already dim room. Sitting at a table in front of one of the windows sat a not quite middle aged man, who has a lean, athletic build, with short brown hair and a nearly trimmed goatee that accentuates his strong jawline. He looked alone, slowly nursing his drink, Irish Whiskey on the rocks. The mood of the room felt cool, despite the ship’s life support systems working perfectly.

The lounges doors whooshed open for a second, filling the room with much needed light from the corridor. The doors closed just as fast as they opened, plunging the room back into its previous dismal dim lighting. The person who walked in quietly walked to the bar and whispered to the bartender.

“Is he ok George?”

The bartender, George, replied in a hushed tone, just above a whisper. He was busy wiping a glass he cleaned.

“I don’t know ma’am. He has been here all night and hitting that whiskey hard. It’s past closing time and I’d like to go to bed and get some sleep, but I don’t want to disturb him. That is why I messaged you, Captain.”

“Thank you for letting me know George. You can go, but before you leave, may I get a glass of Bolian Tonic Water please?”

“My pleasure Captain. Coming up.” George turned around, grabbing a glass bottle of clear liquid and poured some into the glass he just cleaned. “Here you go ma’am. You can just leave the glass on the bar when you leave. Thank you again Captain.”

George gathered his PADD that contained his inventory list and other business information he needed and exited the lounge, setting the lock before he lett. Again, the room lit up for a second, then plunged back into dimness. Captain Sophia Rodriguez stood at the bar, taking a sip of her tonic water as she looked out one of the viewports, thinking of how she was going to handle this upcoming conversation.

She remembered that today is the anniversary of her “Number One” and husband’s parents death. She recalled Commander Kirok Skyrunner telling her when they dated that his parents were both Starfleet Officers and posted at Headquarters when the Breen conducted there sneak attack on Starfleet Headquarters on Earth. Among the thousands dead were his parents. She remembered him telling her how bad he hurt, not able to save them. He never really got counseling help when he needed it. When Starfleet activated the elite Academy classes, the junior and senior class, he jumped on the chance and he buried that pain deep down for many years. Even to this day, she can’t recall him talking about it much. Deciding on how to approach him, she slowly walked over to the table where Commander Skyrunner sat. He was so focused on his dark thoughts that she didn’t hear her approach.

“Commander, may I join you,” Captain Rodriguez asked, gesturing to the empty chair across from him.

He reacted to her question as if he snapped out of a dream. Startled, he replied.

“Cap…Captain. Please,” he waved to the chair she stood next to.

“Thank you Kirok. No ranks tonight sweetheart. I heard you were having a hard night tonight.”

Sophia reached over and gently put her hand on his arm. He didn’t react at all, as if he was a statue. After taking a sip of her tonic water, she leaned forward and said in a soft tone, the one used for intimate conversations with a lover.

“Baby, I know what day it is. I am so sorry about what happened to your parents. From what you have told me in the past, they were great people and I’m sure they are very proud of the man and Starfleet Officer you have become.”

Sophia gave his lower arm a gentle squeeze, trying to let him know that the person talking to him now is his wife, not his Captain. He looked up at her, seeing her soft smile and her beautiful brown eyes that were protruding warmth and love to him. As he looked into her eyes and heard her words, he started to respond. He took his right hand and placed it gently on her hand that was on his lower arm. She smiled at him, trying to break through the ice wall that had formed around her husband.

“Talk to me love, please. It pains me seeing you like this.” Sophia pleaded with him.

Kirok downed his fourth double shot of whiskey and tried to focus. Sophia stood up and went behind the bar’s replication unit and ordered a cup of double strong black coffee. The unit hummed to life as a silver travel mug appeared with steaming hot coffee inside. She carefully grabbed the handle and brought it back to the table. She placed it in front of him.

“Drink this babe.”

His mind feeling all fuzzy from the real whiskey and not that synthetic stuff, he too a sip of the coffee. A few seconds later, his head started to clear. He proceeded to drink more.

“Feeling better,” Sophia asked him.

“Starting too.” He looked up at her for a second, recognizing who it was that was sitting in front of him. “Baby, what are you doing here? Your shift starts at 0600. It’s almost 0100.”

“I know what time it is and when I go on duty. However, a more pressing issue was brought to my attention…you. How are you feeling? Want to talk about it?”

Her question hit him like getting slapped in the face. He instantly became alert.

“I..I don’t…don’t know sweetie. It happened so long ago and I can’t do anything about it. So why talk about it?”

Kirok had a stern look on his face. She saw that look and knew it well. He had raised his shields to her. She thought for a second, thinking of a different strategy. She took another sip of her drink, then said to Kirok in a soft tone of voice.

“Kirok, I believe you need to talk about what happened. I could order you to see the ship’s counselor but I don’t want to. I’d like you to do it on your own. I know it hurts you baby, but keeping it locked up inside is hurting only you. Please sweetheart, for me?”

She sat across from him, silently waiting for her words to weave their way through his shields and into his mind and heart. She knew that once he gets this way, it is nearly impossible to change him. She seemed to be analyzing his facial features, checking for any sign that she connected with his heart.

Suddenly, he broke down and started sobbing. She quickly moved to sit next to him, her right arm over his shoulders, comforting him. After a few minutes of a good long cry, he looked at her with red teary eyes and started to talk about that horrible day. She locked her eyes on his, giving him her full attention, seeing his eyes glazing over, as if he was recalling a memory….

***

It was a sunny day in San Francisco at the Academy. It was early fall and summer break was coming to an end. He was excited that his junior year was about to start and about the classes he was scheduled to take. He was walking from his dorm building across the plaza to the Main Administration building for Starfleet Headquarters. He was going to surprise his parents with a lunch date at the new Klingon restaurant there.

As he passed the Christopher Pike Science Hall, air raid sirens started going off and planetary defense weapons banks located around headquarters started firing phased energy bursts into the sky. Cadet Skyrunner followed the energy bursts skyward toward pinpoints that were high up in the atmosphere. He squinted his eyes to hopefully get a clearer view, when he saw multiple green heued energy spheres getting bigger and brighter. Suddenly, there were massive loud explosions as those green spheres hit the ground.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Kirok’s instincts took over and he dove to the ground for cover. Several terrifying minutes went by as Cadet Skyrunner lay on the ground, terrified. When the explosions stopped and the only sounds were small secondary explosions and sirens in the distance. Kirok slowly stood up, brushing off dirt from his now untidy uniform and looked up at where Headquarters was standing…WAS!

Kirok reacted in horror when he saw that the building that was Headquarters is now just a smoking crater. The whole building had been virtually vaporized by whatever those explosions were. Instincts and adrenaline coursing through his veins, he sprinted towards the smoking crater, only to be stopped by a wall of heavily armored and armed security officers and civilian police.

“My parents are in there! Let me through!”

Cadet Skyrunner yelled at the police that were blocking his way.

“Stay back sir. It’s too dangerous!”

Being restrained by two police officers, Kirok has no choice but to stand there and do nothing. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

“Mom! Dad!”

He screamed their names in his head. Engineers and more rescue teams materialized with heavy equipment and immediately started work on removing debris. Medical teams recovered bodies as they were discovered. Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours. Kirok went and sat down on a damaged bench, his head down, hands covering his face, sobbing. All he could do was just sit and do nothing. He felt so helpless and powerless.

Late that night, well after midnight local time, rescue crews managed to sweep through all the debris and recovered all the bodies they could find. They only managed to find 38 people out of over 2000 that worked in the Headquarters building itself. A Starfleet Officer, a Commander, walked up to him to officially notify him of his parents’ deaths and to offer his condolences. Kirok cried uncontrollably, feelings of guilt and anger were all he was feeling right now.

Feeling lost, Cadet Skyrunner wandered aimlessly and eventually ended up back at his dorm room. He felt that his whole world had been blown up. He didn’t know what he was going to do and withdrew inside himself for weeks. He didn’t show up for classes, however was excused by his counselor, and allowed to retake missed classwork. He found a way to bottle up that anger and bury it deep inside, which ended up driving him to work harder throughout his Starfleet career.

***

Commander Kirok Skyrunner’s eyes slowly came back into focus, as he came back to the present time. His eyes refocused on the beautiful face of his wife and his Captain. She was still sitting next to him, her arm still around him, comforting him. Kirok was still trembling and crying, but he was starting to recover and compose himself.

“Baby,” Captain Sophia Rodriguez said softly, her hand reaching up to wipe the tears that streaked down his cheeks. “I am so sorry that you still suffer from that. Have you been seeing the counselor regularly?”

Kirok slowly breathed deeply, trying to calm his emotions that became stirred up. When he started to feel a little calmer, he replied.

“I’m trying to sweetheart. It still hurts like hell every time I try to bring up that subject. I’d rather get stabbed in the back by a Klingon d’ktahg then want to face that pain.” Then to make his point, he tapped his finger on the whiskey bottle. “It’s easier to simply drown all that trauma. It has led me to face danger head on and take considerable risks, within reason, on missions. That behavior is rooted from my feelings of powerlessness when my parents were killed. I am still seeing the counselor once a week and I’m starting to make progress, but it will take some time. I struggle greatly to open up and be vulnerable and exposed emotionally.