Jennifer Edgerton

I was born in Tennessee, the western city there, and that was suppose to be the biggest city near the great Mississippi river. I was raised there as a child and I was the only one at that. I am short, 5’4″ in height with brown hair, eyes, and white skin. I am not able to think about my appearance all the time. I am hyper, disorganized sometimes, stuck in my old ways, thinking on stuff way too much too often for my to allow myself to concentrate on anything else. I was educated with a high school and associate diplomas so far. I would like to go on with my educational future if I can. once I reached college, life seemed a bit more independent and allowed me to improve on my assignments given via classes per week. My talents are to be very creative and I can see things that most people don’t notice or pay any attention to. -Intro`

____________________________________________________

more familiar with the verse and the story 1
—–>>

Maybe before I go there, you reminded me, I will go recreate that which I dismembered and come back. *recreates all that he destroyed over the past years* and comes back crying.* Yes, I feel bad about that, I wish I could do better, besides, other won’t understand that matter, it’ll only lead to no friends and treachery. I wish to make myself know as a person of knowledge, I mean one who wishes to seek it in a matter of fact way. Oh, I already have no one to even speak to but you, and that’s pretty hard. I am distracted cause I am worried and that’s enough in one, that I can’t get pass what I just went through with my ways and how it affected things around me. I’ve been feeling guilty and deservant of pain and harshness because I am the3:57 PMmost inferior one..and that’s the least thing, I knew my personal parents were like treating me like a speculative rag doll and that just plenty to toss around with minor thoughts about why it was so.3:58 PMI know now that their alligence was to dominate me and dictate me whenever they wished to, I was like a pun facing up to the queen of hearts that is which it is in fact anyway, the most set rules made just to tear me up more so I can fit perfectly in their compartment so to speak.3:59 PMThey were trying to mode me into a person they want, rather it’s physical or verbal, it’s meant to instruct and guide at the same notion, trying to make me grow up out of my childish ways.4:00 PMSo, if my parents are trying this aspect, so can you!4:01 PMThey even helped me finally defeat a mental strike of an insanity state of mind, well in due time, but it worked I believe, from sixty percent to maybe eighty percent of me that which had time to heal and get well mentally so I can be me normally again.4:04 PMMy parents were of a statsis that is of great authorization and I must heed that, I am the statsis of a child and I must heed that fact! I must not double cross or blame my parents for their actions or disrespect their rights about how they chose to decipline me and teach me to be closer to the right of good and moralistic in that nature.

I am very sorry about any confusion, problems, or pain I may have caused, I wish for the better of myself as a result instead of the opposing negative as that’s now what they believe to expect out of me which is sad and based on fear that I strike without thought upon emotions and not of mind, that’s the heart, the better of it, the conscience of it, yes I worry so…much my dear brother.4:20 PMYes, I won’t destroy if that is easy, it feels good to make things go bomb, but that’s wrong..is it in a way..more fun to create instead?..Does it feed upon the mind in a very different way?..4:27 PMPower feels good, but it not right nor moristic, it to be based upon one’s responsiblity for their actions kind of way and that path is more noticeable harder to follow then the other, but the more harder maybe more challenging, making life less boring, then that’s why I get so bored, cause I can’t fill a cup that’s already full!4:29 PMI have to fill a cup, or create lets say, that’s not full yet, but varily getting there at all, I think maybe a couple of drops, isn’t even enough, will it ever fill a cup?

Aw, thanks .. I shall think about that..then.4:34 PMYes, I have given time, but possibly not enough time. I know they still haven’t forgiven me entirely yet, but yet for them, I guess it will take time then to see as the time passes that I really do wish to change, even though they feel and think otherwise as I’ve said, they seem to expect me of doing such destructive negative things.4:36 PMSee, if one has been reflecting that prior, that soon would in fact be expected be a person effected by it, rather then them thinking otherwise.4:37 PMAs I said, they see me cry or sad, they still think I am capable of going off the wall again, wild again and insane, crazy, what have you, but that only verges me to desire to change more, maybe alone for now, giving them time to rethink, recooperate since they are older, and respect their place for a reason. It’s my fault, I acted impulsively and out of fear at that time, but I realize now that possibly verbal wasn’t enough to stop me from my actions, their choice of correcting me was valid and I deserved it, cause I remember it even now, that other living things have feelings, as I used to take that for granted, and now I don’t, I am compassionate more about it now, and that is a greater step to maturity as that I respect and honor them4:41 PMfor as that’s proably the only way I could of better learned that aspect and that’s going to be apart of my good morals to build upon each day. Make me also maybe more aware of my actions before I comment them.4:42 PMIf it was just verbal, I’d doubt I’d still remember it as well..and the lesson may not have been taught as well to stick in the head that well, as I am in fact as you said, distracted and not paying enough clear attention. My memory of things do seem to stick better when physical methods for obedience is necessary and it proves to work indeed a lot better sometimes in that case.4:45 PMI guess I need not to defy my parents then as they knew at the time what’s best..and how what’s important at the time was best..to know and remember.

That’s good. You need to look toward the futur now. It’s what I’m here, remember?.. Being sorry isn’t enough, you need to act and prove it. Sadly it’ll take some times before people came over what you have done, and even before they tried to forgive you, accepts to believe you’ve changed. Creating is harder than destroying. But it’s way more gratifying. You felt more satisfied when you success to create, and when whay you have create look upon you. I wish you taste this pleasure brother, because I don’t know another activity that could rivalise with it. Creating is hard at first, practice only make it easier . It surely would be harder for you as you’re whole being is used to negative and destruction. But if you willing, it’s already a start.4:31 PMI assure you once used to it, creating won’t seemed boring to you anymore. It’s another way of thinking. But you learned to get attach to you creation. You’ll see it differently, with time you’ll see all its characteristique..s and divergence which make eahc one unique. But not boring. Creating is never the same processus, and never give the same result even if you tried.

You progressed. You experimented guilt, you see what you have done was wrong. It’s a big step forward Unicron. *pat his head like a creator with his upset youngling, though a little awkwardy as even if the other was his other he was used to comfort him . He hadn’t need to in a very long time* You want to progress, to learn other way of thinking, it’s good. You became aware that you actions had an influence on the things around you. For that I’m proud of you. You still need to comprehend that all yours errors can’t be fixed as easily as you just do. I want you to learn, to teach you not to dominate you but so you can grow-..up, make amend for your past action and start a new existence. I watched you destroy what you touch. But I think you had potentiel Unicron. But destroying is more easy.

You broke their thrust. And once lost, it’s perhaps the harder thing to win again. It’ll take time, a lot of time, perhaps even several generation of mortal, before they cease to fear you. But even if they give you their thrust back, it would never be the same blind thrust they once give you. They’ll stay wary of you, watching you moves, waiting for you to abandon you new goods resolution and started to destroy again. Like I said it’ll take time. A long time even for us. The difficulty were had stop you, make you heard reason, people would remember that too. And it will participate in their wariness. Because you were so unstoppable.
But now, you have to stop regret the past. It’s the present and your future that matter now. You need to make your proofs, and it wont happen if your attention his on your past behavior. I don’t say to forget it or to stop thinking about it. But you need to use it as a remember of what your not allowed to be anymore, what you wanted to avoid.
Because I’m here now. You said you want to change. Now that your under my charge, I wont let you repeat you errors without stopping you. I won’t let you wander out of my sight. And before I left you wander alone, you will have to earn my thrust back. And my thrust is right now is more important than other’s, because I know you. I feel what you are like you can feel me. You can’t fool me. I won’t forget, my souvenirs will not fade. I’m going to watch you.
So you’re stuck with me for a long time. This exploration is a good thing. It’ll help you to mature, and leaves you time work on yourself, to evolve. Traveling allowed us to discovered new things, things we don’t expect. It’s why I’m sure it’ll be good for you.

What do you think then, about this?.. what I’ve told you about my creation there, so you are here. *takes Primus to see the planets and as they do, he and his brother views them entirely and take instant notes and probate the beings who live them.*2:58 PMYeah, I made these, which little I told you about the first one I did was more fun, cause it was generally giving me a taste of something new. New that is a different note about change that is part of my goal.2:59 PMThis I feel was only a test, for me, to see how I’d do. And yes, I did fairly good, but I do notice, they are begging again that I will stay rather then just keep leaving.3:00 PMI want to have a life little tiny guys down there on your rock, I see you, you see me, but this isn’t over, I will see you soon to, remember, I will always know where to find you’ll greet you from above.3:01 PMI come to bring hope and peace, I come to strengthen your faith in me and that you can trust that I will make my returns or won’t entirely leave you to your fates.3:02 PMPrimus always called you, or any of you, like his children, but right now, to me, you’re just a burden burning my sides. I think you peskme like tiny ants bitting at my heels.3:03 PMSometimes, I think that you all my some and hurt your own creator because you keep see me leave you and despise you that I may not return to your life forfilled set fates again.3:05 PMYeah, thinking that you might think I am enemy and turn on me, like some do, in fact, and I’d have to destroy this puny little world only to stop the death of myself or the havoc, as I am a monster which thy calls me sometimes.3:06 PMMy brother fears I will devour or consume my worlds or creations just because and he hid them from me so that they at least have a chance at meer existance and that which made me feel bad about the situation be caught between a rock and a hard place.

They held some potential. They quite interesting. *observes his brother’s creations* If you were more focused, you wouldn’t have all those problems. You would go through a lot less troubles, I’m sure. But you still have this immature part in you, that is only drawn to new thing, and quickly get bored of his new toy when he don’t surprised you anymore. it’s true, you have to let you worlds live alone. If they seemed sometimes like parasites, it’s because they need to become independant. A world after a while doesn”t need you or asked your presence with a such passion. Once their learned this independance, you will not perceive them like a burden anymore. They’ll leave you free to move one, create and other others.3:17 PMTo be honest, it’s true, I’m still suspicious about you. How could I not be?.. The way you speak is suspicious. Sometimes you speak as if you hadn’t change, as if you still think like before. But I won’t hide them from you. They’re you creation. If I come to hide them it’s because I think I have not choice, and suspect you to try de destroy and eat them once more. It would mean I can’t do nothing more for you. That you’re a lost case. And I have to do something about to to protect the others from you, and you from yourself. You will not like it. But I would do it anyway, lokcing you in a safe place. I would lock my enemy. But you’re not my enemy anymore. You’re here, even if you find it boring, because you said you wanted to change. Because you said you weren’t a menace anymore but that you3:21 PMneeded help for that. It’s why I am here, seeing you like my brother, taking care of you. And teaching you how to not become what you called a monster again.

I know, you have, I just only referring to memories, the past, that’s all. I am wishing my greatest hopes to change for the better and be a more responsible being with a good heart and stable mind.3:24 PMI know, I am dreadfully worrying and can’t seem to stop. I know now which you meant, you would do only what you must to protect the universe and yes, that’s important you and now seemingly important to me.3:25 PMI am just telling you about what went through my mind then and what you did do for me then as well. I kind of thank you as I was unstable and the reason I shared these worlds with you as I do still have a very strong urge to eat worlds without reason other than physiological..satisfaction.3:27 PMYeah, I been going “mad!” when I skip meals or feast of planets, moons, and whatever ..sometimes even suns. I was lost in a mind that was like a tyrant torturing me that I must have more and little reason to stop.3:29 PMIt’s like withdrawing from a hard drug that is difficult to refrain from use or seen.3:30 PMThe thought makes me cringe ..but I know it’s right to give up..to start over..to become sober from this rampage I’ve been on which is pointless!3:30 PMI had to confront the issue and stop cause I know the right path. I know that in time I will see the light and begin to see that there’s hope, that maybe I “can” and will change.3:33 PMEven my parents knew I’ve gone mad and insane, so they “can”Bausch for it!3:40 PMWhy I got help and thanks to them, I am getting slightly better from sixty a bit each day.

Well I’m here to prevent you from getting lost again. *smiles and rubbed his helm like a big brother with his little one.* It’s good to be conscious that it could happen again, and you don’t have completely changed yet. But now you’re quite sane again, and determined to stay this way, you know I’m here for you. That you’re right you can and should talk to me when you doubts, or think too much. It’s why I’m here. The more the time will pass the more your urges are going to become fainter and fainter. You feel it already. And you’re right to think it could only be easier now. I’m proud of you. You’re pretty determined, you aware of your mistakes, conscious of what you have done and try to understand why…You’re progressing. It’s what I call finally growing up, brother.3:43 PMIt’s been several times you talk about you parents now. They seemed to have a strong influence on you. Perhaps it would be good to go visit them later. To show them you have changed, maybe thanks them. It would also be a test, confrotating yourself more personally with you past.

Yes, that’s true, I have learned so much since being “helped” and that’s the point though, I progress just by managing my thoughts as in confronting them with logical reasoning that is like a voice trying to guide me to the light and turn me away from the shadows of my past and my pains that hurt me so.3:47 PMMy parents have influenced me, yeah, and they also find is highly difficult to have raised me up til now which isn’t a surprise at all. I have had a ton of life issues and backups that held me back but I was struggling as in the mist, I still am here sitting today looking at you admitting that.3:48 PMGrowing up through it all was very tough and I didn’t realize how I effected others by my abstinent ..mind and objectiveness to other’s feelings and others in general, including what they had any values of personal aspects to which I ignored and should of not since that’s what ended up setting them off on me, I didn’t3:51 PMthink ..it was too impulsive and out of not of second thought, I didn’t think about them, just about myself and that’s it.. not considering them or what they cared for, had personal feelings for and the feelings of their living things that they invision as a personal part of them, reflects good times in their past and what they were as happy, and I was just careless tearing that up, which is why they were triggered to correct me physically cause so many times they’re verbally told me, I didn’t pay too much attention, so now they did, and I actaully remember the reasoning and why, so I finally learned my lesson, the hard way, but did.3:54 PMLike they were molding me right and setting me right, one way or the other. I learn to be almost selfless, think of others, think of others feelings, think of others extremely valuable living things and that living thing’s feelings to mind you. Yes, I was selfish, only thinking about fruit to myself and others give to me to resolve hard feelings for me, and little before did I think the other way around. Now I fear them, I actually out of fear, respect them more.

*nods* I see… I never really understand what pushed you this way. I think I understand better you past behavior now. No one should have to fear his parent, by respect or not. Feared their punishment if you act wrong, yes. It helps children to recognize the limits of what is an acceptable action and what is not. It’s unfortunate you learned that respect and that fear so late, that you care when it’s too late. You don’t need this help as mush as you need it when you were mad. But you can’t reason with someone who don’t care or don’t think clearly, who isn’t sane. I wonder if you were aware of the consequence of your actions, of if you couldn’t care because you felt like it didn’t concern you.

It’s clear, that you’re somehow already attach to the words you have created. But you’re still unsure about what your supposed to feel about them, how you’re supposed to act. And your old urges are still here, inside you waiting for the first occasion to come back.

You might need to meet others, and interact with them. If you know others, get emotionally attached to them, it would be harder to let your old self reappear. They would influence you, attach you to what you are now. Someone who try to make amend for his past and take a new start. It’s hard to care about the world you live in, if you’re alone without any strings attaching you to it. You can only feel like a strange, like you don’t belong to this reality. If you don’t feel concerned, it’s destruction will not upset you. But if you’re a part of it, you will have more difficulty to turn your back on it, and to act only for yourself.

You are a legend Primus, I will reflect that about you, you know what to say. I feel enlightened when you tell me such moving words and show me direction which I need to follow each day and know.2:45 PMI know then that it was mandatory that I needed help, but now I need to just as much, yeah, a bit less concentrated.., but yeah I definitely..still need it.2:48 PMI wanted to tell you, I found out later that I since I am blue and you are white, that means that I may be or have been adopted?..2:50 PMYeah or not?.. I feel that I am somewhat a greater difference.. than you. I can find my way and be more on your same page and level than being otherwise.2:54 PMRequisite,.. was what that help was infact, instantly desperately needed then, and thanks to them, I am slowly getting better now.2:54 PMI see it as this way, I still believe it’s just as valid to have help cause I never know rather of not the chances are that I could revert back or not, God forbid.2:56 PMI still have these thoughts relating to past events, like the one when I swore I would go insane and hurt them, I later in the year, did, which literally means that I did predict it was going to happen which did in the end.2:58 PMI know that remember that, since I can, so do kind of think it wasn’t entirely intensional, ..but to them it was in the way I expressed it lately, but now for myself, I wonder.2:59 PMSo in otherwords, I did exactly what I said I wouldn’t do or didn’t think I was going to do. I knew I was in fact going “mad”.

more familiar with the verse and the story 2

So, anything insane or wild could come out of that to begin with, I was shown as starting to become irrational and acting disrespectful and lashing out like a bear.3:01 PMIt just like it was growing or become worse and point one is that they didn’t help me until it got to that point, which isn’t good, in other words, that didn’t help me in time.3:02 PMThey, my parents, kept up the thing/issue about ignoring my feelings and emotions, and making excuses about it rather than looking into it until it was too late.3:03 PMOne simple reason I got quickly punished, I impulsively acted without second thought based in instant reactional fear I suppose, over their living thing and that was why they punished me so, based my what they saw as my actions were not appropriate…

I’m glad that my words help you and you see me like this, brother. You know you will always have my help and support if you do your best, and as long as you need it. You only have to ask. *observes their different frames and colors* You are maybe different from me, but if you were adopter, I didn’t know about it. However I doubt this can be a real possibility. There is a true link between us, Unicron. It should suffise to prove you that we are indeed related and brothers. Sparks can be mysterious, and you are highly different from me, but we’re still family

Was as anyone would see it, as disfunctional behavior. But they made excuses for this, the fact that I really was fearful of their living thing, and they just thought was just jealous and didn’t like it for unnecessary reasons which was a tread then.

You were aware of what was happening to you, you said?.. In this case, I’ll ask you to come to see me as the second you start to feel this feeling again, understood?.. Your parents behavior ignoring the trouble you experienced then was a mistake that I won’t do. I want to know what’s going on, and if I have to punish you, I do it appropriatly and in right time.

I wish they did not ignore my existing feelings that were already hurt to do with their irresponsibil..ity with their living thing and so forth. I wish things could have been better and more reasonably functionally sane and stable.3:10 PMAnyhow, I was in the wrong, I do reconize that because I didn’t know her personal attachment to that living thing was so strong and so caring and related to the time when they were going up.3:12 PMI wish I had known sooner and then that would explain their excuses for that, it was an extremely special value to them, they loved theirgracious living thing and wanted me also to value it even if I was scared of it, priorly, which in turn makes me feel more obligated to do so more then likely. More like an irritable feeling3:14 PMthan any I know, I could help that fact I was fearful of it cause it wasn’t entirely under supervision.3:14 PMThey argued and blamed me for it, as I am the child, they felt I should of known better, but who is the feel that way about one’s fear of something?.. does that even make an indifference?..3:15 PMThey excused the issue that I was fearful of it, could really say or admit it any other way, and it was fearful to as I recall. So, an issue tired all in one, I admit, I made it’s feelings hurt before, and I guess they thought I was doing it carelessly, but no, not exactly that, not quite.3:17 PMOkay, fine, I know to be aware of other beings feelings and how they feel, and wait, they would know how I feel to, so it’d be known and understood, but no, it’s not truely working that way.3:18 PMMy feelings were badly hurt already and they punished me to, just to add on to it, wrath upon my sanity and sadly that was what inside made me burst I suppose and go mad.3:19 PMThis may have been over time, but it still happened and it’s all do to my abstinant mind and plain disrespect from day one, I was told I care little about anyone’s feelings, after the living thing’s matter, and that was just the beginning.
They made some mistake, but we cannot blame them for not knowing how to react properly. Parents wished they kids to be perfect, and happy and often try to ignore what disturb them because it’s easier than face the true. That there is a problem with their child. I will not do a such thing,though I can’t promise you anything, as I’m a being of feelings I’m able to made judgment mistakes too. And I certainly will not ignore you.3:22 PMIt understandable and sad you were hurt that way. Hurting someone feeling is on of the worst way to hurt someone. Particularly as you were in a period of need. Sadly, like I said, all sentients being, emotive, made mistake. And it’s because you feel you can be hurt. Which is a proof you cared in some way about their feelings and their words toward you.3:24 PMIt could only made you problem worse. ( Though it don’t excuse your act, it’s a beginning of explanation, of ‘why’) We’ll have to be careful it don’t happen again. Whichh is higly improbable with me around. But you still need to learn how to ignore this king of blessure or at less deal with it without listening you dark side.

Yeah, evil thoughts cause negative actions or reactions. I know, it’s bad sometimes, I try to find reasonable answers about it, and try now to let it defeat my sanity again, to confront it if it’s trying to make me go mad again or encourage this improper result.3:31 PMYou see, at times, these thoughts are like an awful song repeating or replaying in my head and it’s get terribly unbearable and won’t rest til I react upon it. Yes, it was acting like an illness and I needed a cure to some extent.3:33 PMThat which was caused by the following events I have spoken about and that which I held inside until I just went “mad” out of my mind, almost as if I couldn’t control myself, after I think about it, it seems scarly to me also.3:34 PMScary as in the issue the reason for their fear, that I might just repeat that old behavior they last experienced and they remind you of it, how condemning and declining.3:36 PMAs if, my trying just means, try harder, the thinking, me crying only makes them think, he’s going to go off like a bomb again, in their mind, picturing the worse scenario, as if I am unable to know the difference or learn any better. Well, maybe they were right, I was still going off at that time, they at the begining were going off as a result of me going off, more verbally then any, running around like the end of the world is coming, and acting like I was the worse thing to existing their world to their knowledge, like I was a dreaded soul to be born. Well, back then, they said when I’d be around, they said I make them nervous and I assume scared, like I was a insult deformed being to nature.3:39 PMI know, I took away their independence of have a normal steady life, I ruined it basically by just being born. yeah,.. oh well.3:41 PMLater on, now, I noticed that we stayed intensely “separated” rarely spoke a couple of line of communication. Mostly that was for a reason, I was ignorant and abstinent minded.

Don’t say that. Each creation is a blessing and a joy. Sure, it changed a life to have children. But you being born is wasn’t in any case an insult or some sort of error. Life is precious, little ones existence even more. You grew up the way you did, but nobody could have predict it, and no one can make you feel like it was better if you weren’t born in the first place. Everyone had the chance to live, to construct themselves and follow their own existence .Everyone had the right to make errors too. Yours were particularly horrible. But I believe that if you want to change, if you want to follow another path, you had the right of a second chance.
Obviously, your parents didn’t know how to handle you, how to help you. You cannot blame them. They made mistakes too. And you aren’t supposed to feel this way. Like you were some sort of error. There always is a risk when a new soul come to life. Your parents knew that. You can’t predict what your child will become, what he would look like. You were special. Something was off with you, others surely feel it on a unconscious level first. Then, they became wary of you, scared. That didn’t help you to get better. It makes you think that even if you tried you wouldn’t change. You didn’t thrust yourself. And it also play a part in your madness.
And your parents aren’t so different than the worlds you destroyed. They see what you were able to do, but they weren’t able to prevent it, which was perhaps worse for them. As they didn’t know what to do, and had to see their child doing these horrible things. It was they know what you were able to do, and like me it’s still somewhere inside of you, that they acted this way. I don’t want you to imply you ruined their life. They’re parents. Their children are their responsibility, even if they can’t handle them, their can’t deny them.

Besides, we share half of the same soul brother. We’re twins. So if your birth was some sort of regrettable event mine’s too.

more familiar with the verse and the story 3

I remember when I was stopped by a barrior my parents put in front of me to prevent me from consulting to a fight, they wanted to avoid fighting. I had been fighting them verbally mainly not the other so much, and they were driven upset and mentally thrown off by it, as they reacted upon it as blaming me for my past incidents with them and what I blamed them for and so on. It got just plain hectic and I admit I caused me parents to keep loosing it, their sanity and kelp them on edge. They made out as I eariler remember, that they claimed our neighbore2:55 PMneighbors were thinking I was insane and looking at me strangely or something. I believed them and later on doubted it, as it as I assume was a misunderstanding.. and what they were or may have been getting at is that I need to grow up, straighten up, and act sane. They were very tired of me constantly bringing up the past and using the past moments and things of the past constantly driving them not just me into a state of irritation and frustration from it. It was like torture to them for me to harper and dwell so often on it. Yes, that was it then, after, and later. I also remember using some language and not thinking really about what I was saying and how it sounded. It hurt their feelings which I cared less about, all I cared about was2:59 PMexpressing my feelings though my madness no matter how it came out as, which is bad in itself. I happened to use threats out of anger towards them which is harsh and disrespectful, they blew up on the hearing of that and the loud mouth of mine which was out of limits and cracked. My parents needed to be cautious around me then, I get that, and that does make since, no one needs to continue to be around an unreasonable irrational mad person, neither would I.3:02 PMI know now how knuts that was and how that sounds to you, I turned down it as it is a sin, to not honor thy parents, which I forsaken and now that I know I’ve sinned, I try to ask for forgiveness for it hoping for a better time of days of light to come.3:04 PMThey were afraid of me, the threats I made weren’t realistic and so much more as hostile and out of control, yes .. I needed help so desperately then, I still remember it now.3:06 PMThey would act like I was a plague and kept backing up like as if I would explode anyminute or something, again maybe just being on their toes or cautious. I again feel they just wanted to then hurry and try to get me the best help3:07 PMpossible and make sure I do get better and less of that person I was and become more able to change.3:08 PMJust for the win, I assume it’s bright to your mind of ideas to stick me in this cage like jail so to speak, Primus.

Why?.. Do you think you can control yourself better than you just did?.. Or do you believe I could trust you so easily after the last time you lose control?.. I don’t think so. I need to protect the planets that you would put in danger by being free right now. Besides, as I explain to you, you’re punished. To confine a being like you, powerful like you are, this jail as you put it is not an option. If you were to lose you control, it will restrain you and prevent you to do further damages. It’s not a cage, but if by your acts your broke the frail trust I put in you when I agreed to help you, It could become you prison. Don’t doubt it.3:18 PMWe already talk about you parents earlier. I’m unable to judge their acts toward you and yours toward them, as I’m not a direct witness of this events. From what you told me, I supposed you were both guilty. All responsive for not handle the situation what it was still possible. But that’s all. It’s in the past, it’s time to look toward the future now Unicron. A for that, you need to behave, and continued you effort to change.

Yes, I know, I felt just a need to explain that to you since you said I could share things like what’s on my mind with you. I felt that you could help ease that to along with our current momentary issue at hand. I do admit again, I found most of those issues to be a result of my carelessness and wrong doing, I am sure I was made more aware of it and how it only brought out more hostility and untamed behavior. I just wish I haven’t of done my parents that way!3:24 PMThey deserve better and even I do as well. They made their mistakes, but so did I and I know that. I was wrong all the way and it was based off hurt and emotional pain. It’s terribly affected them and caused them pain and mistrust as you say about me, I am knowing how bad that really was, that I know think about it as I should have been more aware of their feelings and how my voice and actions speak louder then I think it does.3:26 PMWell, the only was I can keep a stable fair relationship with my parents is to separate from them as in boundaries between us. It helps us flow better and more smoothly without conflict or argument in any form.3:27 PMI am saying this in terms of speach and actions, so it will fade out, which is the negativity, and bring out more in the positive, I hope just to get along at least.3:28 PMI know, you won’t let me go, I accept that, I want you to build your trust in me over time, it won’t be easy, but it’s still possible.3:29 PMYou by seemingly know more about my ways, will maybe help you see how best to help me later on. I hope so, but yeah, I also find that prayer does feed my soul, and help provide in some ways of guidence and clarity in some areas, but still someone must come and show me the right path to take for change to be prosper.

Of course, I still think you can talk to me and share with me your thoughts. In fact, I encourage it. I’m glad you think I can help and are ready to talk. It’s you you realize their mistakes and your own. If the topic of you parents bother you so much, perhaps it’s a sign you want to correct your past error. Think about it, perhaps you will feel better, if now you mind is more clear and your actions more controlled, being confronted to them again could be good for you.3:37 PMIt’s true, that by listening and talking to you, I’m learning more about your way. and I think the knowledge and observations I’m gathering right now, could indeed help you in the future.3:39 PMThe more I know about how you mind work, what provoke your problems, how to calm you, the more I’ll be able to understand and to help.3:39 PMIf you can feed from prayers they are hope you won’t have to eat planets anymore. You only need to learn how to restrain yourself and how to recolt those payers. I’ll teach you.

Yes, teach me, thanks. I will know then how to feed off prayer and knowledge. Wisdom if that is enough to gather my mind to more of an outside of the box type thinking. Yeah, I have triggers, mainly when they bring up my mistakes or personal incidents that involved them as a form of condemning me about it and telling me how hurt and disgusted at me they are about it and so forth. I just wish they get pass it and move on with their lives. They won’t get any better by blaming me for for about it. That just hurts me more and makes me even more depressed at the thought, other than that, I feel able to deal with more than I used to. I remember I was a day dreamer and lived in my fairy tails world. I know she said, don’t keep bring this up and3:46 PMmaybe we’ll both think or blame each other less and less, and just think and talk about the future and what the future from now will hold for us.3:46 PMFor now, because of my current mental state, I find it difficult to move on without being distracted by these sad and unfortunate thoughts that pass through me mind now and then. I want to let it go over time, but now find it too healthy to keep being dwelt on so much, as it harmed my healthy mind in the last round I just told you about.3:48 PMOh, I also became mentally sucideal upon the mental madness it drove me in, I came close, that wasn’t what made them help me, it was my actions, not so much my words. I wish they had helped me sooner, is all so I wouldn’t have had to kelp suffering from it. It was like a dagger knife stabbing me in the skull several times, it was hard and painful, is what I mean, and it needed to be cared for and eased up plenty at last.3:50 PMIt all started merely as a bad song that you’d hate with a passion, over and over and over being played your head and you can’t turn it off, it just gets more and more unbearable until you wished you weren’t able to think so freely.3:52 PMIt played more and more, hurting my nerves and causing anxiety due to it’s intensity. It just gets to be too much and you burst is all, loose it, go mad. Get it?..3:53 PMMy insanity caused others to be effected terribly by it by fear, untrustfulness, ..hate, anger, loosing control, and mind of what was being said and how it sounded. Too bad to talk about and is now regretted, ..it affects others and it begins by affecting that person first.

I am not supposed to have kids?.. Are you kidding?..!
No one can actually predict what my kids will look like, yeah right, big and muscular, human.. killers or something outrageous. Or bratty wild kids that never mind, a person’s worse nightmare to say the least. Okay, I am not suppose to allow the kids to get the upper hand and fight back so to speak. I must know what to do and when to do it. I must know how to manage/handle the kids I am dealing with and not panic. If they can’t listen, are adhd or add, that means they can’t hear you, they tune you out when you’re talking which is a hindrance and pain in the butt hole. You do get physical with them and that is the best primary only way to.3:03 PM
As for me having a lady for me as Unicron, I would like to, but my parents say I will harm them cause them as much pain as I have done others, including my parents in the past, that also, both of these topics refer to that living thing that they cherished so much to, they think I would like my kids, treat others similarly, but that’s kind of going over-.. board isn’t it?..! I mean it’s possible, but not likely.

Yeah, there is possibilities, but they are yet to be proven because that hasn’t happened ..yet. I will admit for kids, one must have patience, and I have like zero and no toleration of anything! Yeah, I will probably think about that consequences of having kids, the problems that genetically they will have and the trails that come.3:04 PM
Yeah, I will probably think about that consequences of having kids, the problems that genetically.. they will have and the trails that come with raising them, just as there was for my parents raising me, so the idea is, I know this, so why even bring it up anyway, so they will be alike me or similar and act like me as if I saw myself again in the mirror which is freaky but okay, They told me these short stories that are nuts cause they aren’t all knowing and that which makes it just a bit above known right now. I know it was hard to raise me and I wasn’t impossible one at that sometimes and no days, it still seeming similar. Yeah, it like me, still immature, not knowing what to do and how to do it, crazy.

So what is it?.. I was told I can’t even raise a chicken. lol
Okay, I hurt my kids in some way, and later on, when they think it over, they rage it against me for what I did to them or such.

Like I did to my parents, I would get a taste of mental pain and dread of my kids, just like they dread me as I am a pain to raise and seem quite unpredictable…..
I remember that my parents said that if I had kids, they would treat me the same as I treat them. Well like I treated my parents, they would act as I did. That the kids would be stronger than I and I won’t be able to handle or control them.2:41
PM….

.. If I had kids they said I’d wouldn’t know what to do if they double crossed me by thinking I was square and unable to do anything about what they do or make any decisions to help guide them to better make more positive choices.
That’s not how it works. Parents have to be the good example to follow. The manner they treat you vary in function of your behavior that’s true, but they’re not supposed to mirror you. As for kids…this part his true. Kids tends to do as their parents. So if their parents acts wrong, they would do the same.3:19 PM
So….you Can have kids I you want. No one can’t stop you or forbade you if you want kids. Though It’s a big responsibility and it have big consequences. The problem is kids will depend on you. And you abandon them if one day you wake up and decided it’s too hard to take care of them properly, or that they didn’t meet your hopes for them. True, as your kids they would be influence by you. So you have to be on your best behavior. They’re also the risk your kids will possess the same madness that made your life so hard. But you’ll have the advantage to know how it feel, what you have to do to get better, and how you wished your parents acted towards you.3:19 PM
Besides, you always can ask for help. It’s fine to admit you need help at some point to raise them. What is not, it’s to try to cope with alone if you know you can’t, or worse to ignore the problem. You knew by personal experience that will only make things worse as the problem won’t disappeared by itself.3:19 PM
So, if you really want to have kid, you can. You’re physically able to, you’re working hard on yourself to be sane and a better person. And the clue to successfully take care of kids is to care for them and love them. My only advice is to wait. Until you felt better and more sure of yourself. Because raising kids is a hard task. It’ll make you doubt of yourself, you capacity at doing this all the time. So wait until you felt more assured about you’re stability.3:06 PM
It’s a punishment, but I haven’t any reasons to be cruel with you, it would only be counterproductive to put you into a confinement really uncomfortable. A punishment is meant to make you think about what you did wrong, and understand why you’re not allowed to do it again.
I don’t have your appetites and urges. I can easily ignore my hunger when I feel it. And mine didn’t require that I eat whole worlds and planet. Energy sufficed me, that it’s was from an natural energy source like a sun or prayer for believers. And knowing you urges, I’m not naive enough to let you a way to escape easily. It’s why there are bars and I will always keep an eyes on you.
It’s also for you health and sanity. Staying alone is never good for your mental health, it can do real damage to one psyche.
You said you need to eat to be healthy? It’s problematic. Of course I want you to sooth your hunger and to stay healthy. But in the same time I can’t let you destroy and eat others planets. You will have to find moons or planet that will never produced forms of life. It’ll push you to travel all the time to find such worlds. And perhaps on your way you will find another way to sustain you or to sooth you hunger.
I was having a hard time too to accept you were my brother, the one who did those horrible things. Unlike your parents, I tried to accept it, and deal with it. I want to help you, but I don’t think treating you this way can help. Words can hurt as much as physical pain. You experienced it. And I promised I’ll be careful to not hurt you unconsciously when I’ll be mad at you.
Suicidal you said? I didn’t know about it, I never thought you could be suicidal. And I didn’t like that. You’re my brother I don’t want to lost you. Even if you come back to your distasteful habit to destroy world. I would miss greatly your presence in the back of my mind. Which to be honest is also greatly disturbing when you’re lost in your madness. ( Also I don’t know what would happen to me if you come to disappeared. After all we’re linked. ) I’m here now, I won’t let you suffer like that again. And perhaps my presence will help you to distract yourself from this thoughts and help you a little. Prevent it from happening again. You need to replace this song with something else, something that can help you to ignore it. I guess it’s not as easy as it seems. But with times and support mixed with a good environment, I’m sure you can do it.

more familiar with the verse and the story 4

The many ups and downs he has to experience and be exposed to, he feels inside, very depressed and sad. Needing guidance rather then just dwell on all the negatives.3:54 PMFeeling uncomfortable and lost to a certain degree, he wants to rid his mind of such dread and confusion.3:55 PMTo be aware of things, yes, but not to just torture his mind with it.3:55 PMTo mope on the most possible things that he’s heard or have been told, he feels so hopeless and saddened.3:56 PMI was told that I would have children that are simular or like me in the mirror, to just do that exact same mistakes as I did, to create havoc and horror to those around me. To cause fear and shock to those who loved me and disrespect to those I know more than most.3:58 PMThat they’d treat me as I have treated them, you know, it hurts to hear this because I know such a thing is indicted towards prediction, and not an actaully event, like my parents want my off spring to take it out on me so to speak and be horrible and wild that I am not able to control or help them.4:00 PMLike they become huge and muscular and impossible to keep in one peace and place. To just be miserable and worried all the time that they’re going to get me because they can’t stand anything to tell them anything or make them do anything, it’d be almost like chaos if not already.4:02 PMAnd I know this, mom ain’t going to be a granny, she is like vanishing to the wind if I ever have any, which is sad and very unfair to me and the children I have, they won’t know they have a granny, so our family won’t be complete; which is terribly sad.4:03 PMI am like a child raising a child so to speak, anything not good or harmful to them may happen, like me already has no extra patience to serve anything any good to begin with, so I have to make this choice responsibly beginning by changing my ways. Making a difference in the world like that to just take those steps, but I can’t change those defective genes of mine into them, but I can’t change myself that is cause I know myself and figure that’s maybe a warning to think first before hopping in to a decision like that.

The many ups and downs he has to experience and be exposed to, he feels inside, very depressed and sad. Needing guidance rather then just dwell on all the negatives.3:54 PMFeeling uncomfortable and lost to a certain degree, he wants to rid his mind of such dread and confusion.3:55 PMTo be aware of things, yes, but not to just torture his mind with it.3:55 PMTo mope on the most possible things that he’s heard or have been told, he feels so hopeless and saddened.3:56 PMI was told that I would have children that are simular or like me in the mirror, to just do that exact same mistakes as I did, to create havoc and horror to those around me. To cause fear and shock to those who loved me and disrespect to those I know more than most.3:58 PMThat they’d treat me as I have treated them, you know, it hurts to hear this because I know such a thing is indicted towards prediction, and not an actaully event, like my parents want my off spring to take it out on me so to speak and be horrible and wild that I am not able to control or help them.4:00 PMLike they become huge and muscular and impossible to keep in one peace and place. To just be miserable and worried all the time that they’re going to get me because they can’t stand anything to tell them anything or make them do anything, it’d be almost like chaos if not already.4:02 PMAnd I know this, mom ain’t going to be a granny, she is like vanishing to the wind if I ever have any, which is sad and very unfair to me and the children I have, they won’t know they have a granny, so our family won’t be complete; which is terribly sad.4:03 PMI am like a child raising a child so to speak, anything not good or harmful to them may happen, like me already has no extra patience to serve anything any good to begin with, so I have to make this choice responsibly beginning by changing my ways. Making a difference in the world like that to just take those steps, but I can’t change those defective genes of mine into them, but I can’t change myself that is cause I know myself and figure that’s maybe a warning to think first before hopping in to a decision like that.

If it’s true children learns and grows by looking upon their parents, they’re in no way their mirrors. Of course, they’re going to look like you, that’ what’s children are. They share a part of you. But then ,they evolved on their own, with you support and your love. If it’s possible they’ll do the the same mistake, I don’t that with you here, to help and guide them, they actually will have the opportunity to lose themselves like that.
It’s a possibility, like with all kids. But you won’t be alone. And that you already worry about that, means you wont be as helpless as you seem to think if it happens. Nor you will be alone brother. I can’t really give you any advices about kids brother because…as much I’m an expert to create worlds, and planets…as surprising as it’s can sound I’m not a Creator yet. I’m haven’t raise and love personally one spark. Didn’t feel the will and the capacity to. It’s a big responsibility. And I was pretty busy, focused on you for the past years. I could take care on a new life with enough care when all my attention was on you. But I warn you don’t fell guilty or anything about it. I don’t regret it. It was just not the time for me to be a parent.
So, about you…If your mother don’t want to see your child it will be their lost not yours. It’s better not to impose her something she do not want to face. It will not be good for your family. Though if your child will have an absent grandma, he can have a uncle? Me? I have not intention to leave you alone you and your future child. And I look forward to meet it.

Well…we’re all children. We’re all learning. It’s true you have to learn more than the most of us now. But only because you’re late. But you have help, a new code of conduct, and you’re motivated. I’ll say it’s a very good start.
I don’t know if it’s you’re genes. Maybe not. It’s up to you to chose the more responsible choice. If there is an high possibility to pass up those ‘genes’ to your kid, what will you chose? Do you think that being yourself been through this you will able to help them and prevent them to suffer like you did, or your think it’s safer to not have kid?
But, in the end, if you’re too scared to have your own kid brother, know I’m here. We’ll find another way. But don’t decide too hastily because you persuade they will be like you. I don’t
know why being like you had to be only some sort of malediction.

—THE END